Found On Flickr 5

Fauvist beauty, originally uploaded by Zozu9 - Merry Xmas everyone!.

Just a quick "still alive" post, I'll probably be posting some photos of my own soon! Having a lovely time with my family, lots lined up for the next couple of weeks too. I'll update... at some point.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

Photographs and pachyderms

2 weeks between posts? Impossible! Unfathomable! Unheard-of!

Well, as it's the run-up to Christmas (sudden realisation: 3 DAYS?!), everyone's been very busy, myself included. I've made the should-have-been-so-simple journey home...

It was an interesting journey, actually. Our train broke down, so we had to board a second train that would take us two stops so that we could get on a THIRD train that would take us the route we were supposed to go in the first place. I was on the second train, wrestling my unwieldy bag into one of the less crowded corners, when I got talking to a girl called Amy. For once, it wasn't me who initiated the conversation, and I was grateful for someone to talk to.

It turned out that she had come from Cardiff too. She's studying maths at Cardiff uni, and plans to take teacher training. However I suspect that in the 20 minutes we were talking, she found out more about me than I did about her. She found out about my course, my depression, my boyfriend, and which church I'm going to. Apparently she lives just round the corner from me, and occasionally even goes to an event held at my church! Chalk that one down to coincidence, providence, fate, whatever. But it was interesting.

Last Friday was particularly lovely; Gavin always makes it very special when he gives me presents - candles, music, performing bears and the like - and this was no exception. He made a real song and dance out of giving me my present, and rightly so.

I am now the proud and excited owner of a Nikon D40!


The lens I've got is better than the one shown; 18-70mm instead of 18-55. The D40 is the camera everyone has recommended as a good entry-level DSLR. I've spent the past few days trying to familiarise myself with all the buttons. There are a lot of buttons.

It actually took me about a year to find all the functions on my little digital camera, mostly because I never intended to get as interested in it all as I did! I thought it would be fun, a toy; a way to make memories. Instead I ended up wishing I could fiddle with the depth of field... well, I can now.

I haven't taken many photos yet, and very few that are fit for the public to see, but you can always check out my flickr page if you want to see what I've taken recently.

Interesting thing of the day: Achievement Unlocked, a cute and quick little game in which you are an elephant.

Seems like it'd be very cold

Ok for SERIOUS people, this has to stop.

Remember a little while ago I posted a picture of some slutty jeans? Well I've found some better / different pics of them...




Well, these low, low, lowriders aren't the worst denim-based fashion crime out there. We have a new contender.


Dignified. This girl really puts the ass in classy, hunh?

Nice people

I know that ‘Nice’ isn’t the most hardcore word ever. The other words pick on it and call it names. It’s associated with weakness, spinelessness. The sad truth is that true positivity, a proper "la la la everyone's lovely" mindset, is despised at worst and pitied at best. They call it naivety, but naivety is a better kind of positivity; vastly preferable to the because-I'm-worth-it narcissism that leads people to believe that they could be the next President of the USA if they just follow their dreams, despite all the pressing evidence to the contrary. I am not that kind of optimist. I know that the world is an ugly, brutal place. I just think that stubbornly refusing to accept it leads to a marginally more beautiful, gentler world. (In figurative terms, think of it as if I've superglued a pair of rose-tinted glasses to my face.)

When I really think about it, I believe that people are fundamentally good, or at least that they have the potential for good. They might not always seem that great but first impressions count for a lot, you know. Sometimes when you meet someone and they seem distant, angry, or just plain rude - well, maybe they're having a bad day! Maybe a smile and a kind word will brighten up their day a little! Maybe the knife they're showing you is for a surprise cake!

I try to go around constantly believing the best of everyone. Constantly believing that a little love could thaw them out, that a little friendship could stop them from being such an unmitigated bastard. (But to be fair, I'm only human, and I have bad days too. Many, many bad days. Sometimes I'm a bitch. But I promise, I didn't know she was pregnant, and it was hilarious at the time! Ahem.) Sometimes my reserves of goodwill run dry long before their reserves of pervasive crapness. I still don't know how to let go, of course; I still cling onto their ankles yelling "I KNOW YOU'RE A SWEETHEART REALLY, IT'S OK, YOU CAN BE VULNERABLE WITH ME!" as they dance around the burning orphanage, laughing.

That's the exception though. In general, expecting great things and great behaviour from someone really does bring out the best in them. It gives them something to live up to. Of course, this goes hand-in-hand with expecting better things from yourself, and that requires effort, and oh God wouldn't it be easier just to stay the way you are and eat ice-cream?

Ladies and gentlemen, I dream of a better world. A world in which we all have ice-cream and surprise cake. Thank you.

Found on Flickr 4

kissing high - Cardiff, originally uploaded by © Maciej Dakowicz.

Romantic, chaotic, fun. I like this picture. And I love her shoes!

Just a quickie

For a while now I've enjoyed writing drabbles - stories of 100 words. I've got a fair few up on my DeviantART, but I've been presented with a new challenge in microfiction... yes, it was inevitable, there's a twitter fiction account.

Their site's here if you're interested in submitting.

How peculiar

On Thursday, I met my new cell group. And in traditional "my life is rather odd sometimes" fashion, one of the girls mentioned that I looked familiar, and was I from the Isle of Wight?

I was indeed.

And did I know Hannah Barker?

... Yes, yes I do.

And had we met once before at (insert random Christian event here)? We had. And were we in the same team at (insert other random Christian even here) back in London in 2004? ... Quite possibly, yes.

Funny how things go.

Anyway, after that we went to an event at our church - yes, at this point you're realising that random Christian events make up a large portion of my life - and Gav did his thing.

His thing is being awesome.

This time his awesomeness took the form of beatboxing, and everybody was very impressed, and I was slightly smug. I'm thinking of learning a skill for the next open mic. Whaddaya reckon? Stand-up? Poetry reading? Poledancing?

Wait scratch that last one I just realised it wouldn't really work in the church.

Their pole's out of order. (The whole freaking SYSTEM's out of order!)

ANYWAY! Today's interesting thing! Because I have not shared anything interesting in quite some time! Free Rice. You may well have seen it before, and indeed I have mentioned it in the past, but do go play it again please. Feed the hungry!

I'm back I'm back what did I miss!

Every morning for the last five days, I've turned on my laptop, and we've had the following conversation.

Me: Morning. Internet please.
Laptop: Ooh, no can do. Sorry.
Me: Why not?
Laptop: Can't tell you. If you like, you can click this to fix it.
Me: Okay...
Laptop: Hmm, didn't work. Are you suprised? I'm surprised. On an unrelated note, would you like to renew your Norton 360 subscription?
Me: Uhh maybe later... are you working now?
Laptop: Have you tried turning it off and on again? That sometimes works, Microsoft knows why!
Me: I've tried that. Look, I just want to get online.
Me: But-
Laptop: Can't.
Me: I-
Laptop: Can't. Tell you what, try clicking this, that might work. (Except it won't.) While you're pounding your head on the table, how about renewing your Norton thingy? That might be fun.

Eventually, the cogs started turning and I uninstalled Norton, worrying while I did it that my laptop would suddenly say "I'm sorry Anna, I can't let you do that." Three quarters of the way through, the brakes came off and my laptop connected. I ARE ONLINE.


It's amazing what I achieve without the internet, though: my room has never been tidier. It's been good for me. I've been considering going offline for a while, actually, but I didn't have to fortitude. Providence.

Christmas music

Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me.

I have had to fight, almost every night
down throughout these centuries.

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life.

We know them, probably word-for-word. Every year. Every damn year the same songs for a month straight. Every radio station, every shop, every music channel, playing the same 40 songs on an infinite loop.

I don't mind, at the moment (it's only day 2 after all!) but it would be nice to get a bit of variety. So with that in mind, here are some songs to add a bit of interest (and pirates) to your festive season. Let's get into the spirit, people! After all, if you can't beat 'em... and you certainly can't beat 'em... you may as well join the masses, (only with more pirates).

So for your delectation and delight, I present:

Chiron Beta Prime, by Jonathan Coulton
Podsafe Christmas Song, by Jonathan Coulton
A Pirate Christmas, by Tom Smith
Hey Frickin Nonny, by Tom Smith
All I got for Christmas, by Pond Life.

On the importance of internet and family, and how they both kinda suck

When I'm having a bad day, and the depression seems to have a firm hold of my mind, pure escapism is the only way I can convince myself that things are ok.

When I was a child, fantasy books were my escape. I'd spend every breaktime, every lunchbreak, sat in the library huddled over some new mystery; some enthralling adventure that would take me away from real people for a while.

These days, I seem to have been struck with that curious perspective disorder that makes people further away seem more important. I could be talking to my family; the people I love, who I grew up with, and will miss when they're gone. But for some reason I need to escape them sometimes and talk to a chatroom full of Americans who don't know me. That's how I escape.

The escape has been going fairly well lately. A couple of people I really respect have acknowledged me, which validates my existence in some tiny, pathetic way; and makes me think that perhaps I matter. (Yes, I know this is a very emo post - I'm unhappy. Deal with it.)

That said, my 'internet friends' can't bring me comfort the same way as a phone call from my sister. Nobody on any of the forums I frequent know me and understand me as well as my brother (aside from, erm, my brother). And nobody will be there when it all goes tits-up the way my family will. So tonight I have to remind myself that, one day, I will regret every second I passed them over in favour of a faceless name on IRC.

That doesn't mean they don't drive me crazy sometimes, though, 'cuz they do.

Zachary Quinto and Milo Ventimiglia photoshoot

I realise that this will be of minimal interest to most of my readers, but Zachary Quinto and Milo Ventimiglia (Sylar / Gabriel and Peter Petrelli from Heroes, respectively) have done a photoshoot with Zink magazine. (Ages ago. Glossing over that...)

No, I've never heard of Zink either; it seems to be a fashion / lifestyle magazine. Looks interesting!






Of course, I'm merely interested from a fashion and photography perspective. Of course. And... uhhh. Hm.

Oh, go on then

I got hit with a meme! Thanks to Argentum Vulgaris,I will now for your delectation and delight complete the One Word Meme, in which all my answers must be one word or less (but not less).

1. Where is your cell phone? Here

2. Where is your significant other? Cardiff

3. Your hair color? Blonde

4. Your mother? Extrovert

5. Your father? Knowledgable

6. Your favorite thing? Hugs

7. Your dream last night? Vague

8. Your dream/goal? Writer

9. The room you’re in? Messy

11. Your fear? Depression

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy

13. Where were you last night? Home

14. What you’re not? Certain

15. One of your wish-list items? DSLR

16. Where you grew up? Cowes

17. The last thing you did? Emails

18. What are you wearing? Jeans

19. Your TV? Fuzzy

20. Your pet? Teddy

21. Your computer? Laptop

22. Your mood? Alright

23. Missing someone? #2

24. Your car? Hah

25. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes

26. Favorite store? Peacocks

27. Your summer? Hah

28. Love someone? #23

29. Your favorite color? Purple

30. When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday

31. Last time you cried? Recently.

Ok, so as is time-old tradition I must now tag 5 other bloggers.

So, the wonderful Innocent Loverboy,
My darling cousin John,
The lovely Juniper,
And Dan the (probably) Man,

I CHOOSE YOU!

... Shup.

Women being honest

"So last night, I totally overreacted to something my boyfriend said, cried completely irrationally, got angry at him for no reason and now I'm not talking to him until he apologises because I'm slightly embarrassed about how I was just being hormonal."

"Oh honey! I wish I could blame it on your boyfriend. That would provide a bonding experience and draw us closer together in our friendship. Instead you just seem slightly crazy, even though I've done the same thing. Well, I guess I'm slightly crazy too."

"Let us instead bond by shopping! The mindless act of consumerism provides relief from any serious introspection. It helps that there are so many so-called fashion 'experts' to tell us that all our perfectly serviceable clothes are no longer acceptable."

"Good idea! heaven forbid we stop buying shoes and makeup long enough to realise what the real problem is here!"

-fin-

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

One of my youth leaders used to say that all the time. Whenever we'd gone a bit off-course or crazy, we'd be dragged back to this proverbial ranch in order to continue with the plan. So here I am, back with my family, on the Isle of Wight, hoping to get back on track.

Before I left Cardiff, Gavin and I were lucky enough to see Wales vs. New Zealand at the Millennium Stadium. I was very excitable, pointing everything out to G as if I'd never left my little island before. Sadly my camera's batteries died very early on so I only got two or three pictures, but here followeth an account.

We found our way through the crowds to the stadium, stopping to buy hotdogs and drinks on the way. When in Rome, as they say! After finding our seats without too much trouble, we sat down and waited for half an hour or so as I got increasingly excited by everything around me.

"Whoooaahhhh it's so BIG in here! It's like really big! Gav, look! There's a hole in the roof! Oooh look a brass band. Who do you reckon those men are? Oh my gosh listen to them sing, they're singing! It's so beautiful! Whooo!"

Gav: "You don't whoooo at a rugby match."

"Why not?"

"It's not the done thing. It's embarrassing."

"But I want to whoooo...."

The stadium got more and more filled up as we watched the All-Blacks warming up on the pitch. (The Welsh side having presumably gone for a pint.) Eventually the Welsh side put on a delightful little fashion show - posing in their red kit before changing into grey for reasons unbeknownst to me - and started warming up too.

Then, the BBC Sports personality of the year, Joe Calzaghe, walked out onto the pitch to frantic applause.

Gav (standing): "YEAHHHHH WHOOOOOO"

Me: *smug grin*

G: "Shut up."

Things began with national anthems, and shooting pillars of flame, and the All-Blacks doing their awesome warrior dance. Why don't any other teams have awesome dances? The English team could do Morris dancing. It would be ace.

The game itself was as thrilling as anything can be when you don't fully understand it. I don't know why the referee stops play 95% of the time, but that didn't stop me from gasping and cheering and applauding with everyone else when things got exciting. Wales were ahead at half time, as Gav and I got another hotdog each, but by the time we got back Wales had blown it.

To be fair, the better team won: they'd been neater, better organised, throughout. Still. I was very glad to have the opportunity to see that game.



I don't know what I'm going to be doing down here this week, but I'll keep you updated. I'm going out for a meal with ma famille now, so... I'll catch you later!

Sweet Lady Fate, why dost thou piss on me so?

The other week, I was walking around with my beloved, discussing terms such as 'depressive' and 'autistic.'

I was very much of the opinion that labelling people in this manner isn't always constructive; that it can lead people to resign themselves to something that could possibly be changed.

G patiently explained that a lot of people find it helpful to be able to understand certain things about themselves; why they act, or feel, a certain way; and that these labels can be instrumental in helping them come to terms with it.

"Well, fair enough" I said in my infinite wisdom, "but I think I'm self-aware enough that I wouldn't need a label like that. I'd have more hope of improvement if I just thought of it as 'a low period' rather than full-blown DEPRESSION. Actually calling it DEPRESSION feels like it would remove any hope of recovery."

Anyway, it seems the joke's on me: I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. My status on MSN has accordingly been upgraded from "sigh" to "bugger."

By the way, the post title is from this strip of the wonderful Questionable Content. Probably one of my top three webcomics (which is saying something since I'm currently subscribed to 28). As usual, the comic will be going up on the left.

While you're here, please enjoy this amazing video of how the song Breakfast at Tiffany's would really go! I love it.

Oh lucky me!

Gav emailed me the other day asking if I wanted to go in for a raffle to win some rugby tickets. I said yes, and we won! Hooray! That means that I'm gonna see Wales play the All-Blacks at the Millennium Stadium on Saturday. This is very exciting because it's going to be the first time I've willingly witnessed a sporting event live - or seen rugby live for that matter.

Every now and then I slip back into my island-girl mindset and I'm amazed by the things I have access to that I just didn't growing up. Electricity, healthcare... no, I jest; the Isle of Wight isn't as backwards as everybody thinks, it's just smaller and safer. But there are things I didn't discover until fairly late in my youth.


A few years ago, my aunt got me a pizza with a yummy sauce instead of tomato paste for the base. I made a mental note that when I moved away from home, I'd search for this pizza, because it was most probably the best I'd ever had! Y'see we didn't have Dominoes. Nope, not even one, not on the whole island. Or a Burger King, although this was no great loss to me as I'm a McDonald's gal.

We didn't have rugby, for some reason,and we didn't have silent discos. We didn't have - (snicker) - Organised Football Violence. I only discovered the existence of this utterly bizarre concept in the past couple of days. I don't think I've laughed so hard in ages!

Here's the idea. Some people, right, get into groups based on what football team they support. And, they, like, meet up with other opposing teams. And they fight! They fight each other! Organisedly! They wear special clothes that sound like they make them look like post-apocalyptic gangs! And they fight! Ok, explaining it to you it probably doesn't sound that funny, but I was creasing up. Apparently it's surprising that I've never heard of this phenomenon before.

Anyway, other good things that happened today include buying something very nice and meeting a snake. Fell asleep during Lost round Dan's, so I should get a reasonably early night in order to *gulp* face tomorrow...

Love! x

Oh! And an interesting thing: this man can do things with a sheet of A4 that I couldn't have dreamed of. Truly incredible art.

Found on Flickr 3

Hand mark, originally uploaded by danette5.

Men of Vision

Oh man. You know what's so good? REGGAE is so good.



I was in the Post Office earlier, look at the toys section, and among the cheap plastic water-pistols and skipping ropes, there were some pink / purple mobile phone cases, clearly targetted at young girls, printed with things like 'kissable', 'attitude problem' and (my personal favourite) 'If you're rich, I'm single.' Let's all take a moment to feel morally outraged, shall we?


... Ahhhh... that's the stuff.

Anyway, what I really wanted to write about was Men of Vision. Those soothsayers of modern culture who already know what's going to succeed and what's going to fail. I've decided that your life won't really be complete unless I share a few examples of these predictions.

I never knew a guitar player worth a damn
- Vernon Presley to his son, Elvis, 1954

That 'Rainbow' song is no good. It slows the picture down.
- an MGM producer, after the first screening of The Wizard of Oz

Get your feet off my desk, get out of here, you stink, and we're not going to buy your product.
- Joe Keenan, president of Atari, to Steve Jobs in 1976

But what... is it good for?
- Robert Lloyd, engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, on the microchip

Colour and stereoscopy will make the cinema into the greatest art in the world. Bad films will be impossible.
- Sir john Betjeman, Poet Laureate (who thankfully never lived to see White Chicks)

What can be more palpably absurd and ridiculous than the prospect held out of locomotives travelling twice as fast as stage coaches!
- a comment in Quarterly Review, March 1825

I predict the internet will soon go spectacularly supernova, and in 1996 will catastrophically collapse.
- Bob Metcalfe, InfoWorld, 1995

The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys.
- Sir William Preece

There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will ever be obtainable. It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will.
- Albert Einstein, 1932

Flight by machines heavier than air is unpractical, and insignificant, if not utterly impossible.
- Simon Newcombe, US astronomer, 1902

The world then to an end shall come, in eighteen hundred and eighty-one
- 'Wise' Mother Shipton

For fallen soldiers

You'll be home before the leaves have fallen from the trees
- Kaiser Wilhelm, to German troops at the start of WW1

Found on Flickr 2

, originally uploaded by BLIND MANCHE.

I missed you!

Right! Hello! Yes! I've been offline the past two days because my laptop charger snapped, somehow, plunging me back into another dark age. Gav found me bashing rocks on other rocks and grunting.

His parents were down today, which was brilliant - I get on really well with them, they're absolutely lovely, and we had a good time. Gav cooked for them for the first time in years, which went down very well indeed.

SO YES THAT HAS BEEN MY LIFE NOW FOR THE INTERESTING THINGS

I cannot recommend with enough enthusiasm my latest discovery, School of Comedy. It's the only genuinely hilarious comedy sketch show I've ever seen, and I was ready to hate it from my first impression because they're - well - they're children. But give it a chance. I love it.

Smiths, Geeks and Furniture

Back home on the Isle of Wight, I knew a girl, D. Smith. Her mother's maiden name was Smith, and it amused me greatly that her parents could have hyphenated their surnames into Smith-Smith when they got married.

D got engaged to a young man by the name of T Smith, thus opening up the possibility of a Smith-Smith-Smith union... an opportunity passed up by D, but not by her brother, J. J married miss C Smith, so they could have been Mr J and Mrs C Smith-Smith-Smith. However, in the interest of minimising paperwork and avoiding ridicule, they all stuck as Smith. What a waste.

Back when I was doing my Theology course, the 2 hours of travel on a Monday morning left me with a lot of time to think. My friends and I once spent a happy hour working out who I'd have to marry and divorce in order to get the name Anna Rose-Smith-Smith-Rose. I will most likely never get that name, and this saddens me.

- - -

I've recently been reading a lot by Wil Wheaton. Here's a sample of his style, as he recounts his take as an adult watching himself in Star Trek as a teenager.

Riker looks around the bridge, sees all the commissioned officers he has available to him, does a quick scan of the ship's manifest to see who's on duty . . . and decides to send Wesley Freakin' Crusher to "discreetly" sneak a peek at Data. Worf says, "Uh, excuse me, Commander, but since I'm kind of in the security department and all, and I'm a big old Klingon, shouldn't maybe I go check this out?"

Riker replies, "I'm not going to lie to you, Worf: we all know that if there's anything funky going on down there, you're just going to get your ass kicked. So I'm sending the Boy Wonder and his giant brain instead."

Wesley jumps up from his console and shouts, "Wheee! I'm in Starfleet!" as he skips to the turbolift.

Read more of his memories on the set of The Next Generation here, I thoroughly recommend it!

My recent journeys through his blog have convinced me that he's a remarkably intelligent, humble man with a keen sense of humour, so I've bought his book 'Just a Geek'. Expect a review on that soon, I'm certainly enjoying it so far!

- - -

Today's interesting thing is WebUrbanist. I've been browsing for a bit being amazed at bookshelves - sounds dull, I know, but I'm very impressed with the originality and ingenuity of the designs. This one, for example, is built into a staircase:


There's plenty more on convertible furniture and recycled art, if you're into that sort of thing.

PS. I see from the poll that you guys are ALL ABOUT the button-clicking, so expect more polls whenever I can think of something!

Found On Flickr 1

Gloucester Cathedral [ corridor ], originally uploaded by shexbeer.

An absolutely breathtaking photo.

I'm appreciated!

A big thanks to Mr. Truth for sharing four true things about me with the world! I thoroughly recommend his blog, go check it out, if only to learn why I wail for an hour a week.

In which I revisit my original method of titling posts

You know what, never mind! Sorry! The other layout was far too rough; I shouldn't have changed it until I'd reduced the eyesore factor a bit. It looks like I'll be leaving it like this unless someone comes up with something better.

On a related note, the comment form is now beneath the comments, where God intended it. Thanks Blogger for that one!

Sorry for the slight lull in activity lately; I've been unwell, which impacts my creativity (along with transforming me into a whiny 7-year-old).

/EDIT: Also, there's a poll to the left.

My God, it's full of stars!

I'm really only trying this layout on for size. Let's call it a seasonal thing. I know it's not great, and suggestions would be welcomed, but I just needed to play around with it for a bit to see what else I could do...

My coding skills are (clearly!) still very limited.

The problem is, the old rainbow design was pretty much perfect from a design and simplicity point of view, but it sent out a very clear first impression that I wasn't entirely happy with.

So... I don't know how long it will stay like this... but yes, feedback is always much appreciated!

Thanks as always for stopping by - I promise to try to be interesting soon x x

Oh PS interesting thing of the day, courtesy of Tiff: TeeFury t-shirts. Each design is only available to order for one day, so they're very very limited edition! Very cheap, even when you factor in overseas shipping and economic disaster.

The spooky season

I never celebrate Halloween, to be honest. I mean, whether you believe it's a celebration of evil or a pointless consumer holiday, there's really not much point.

That being said, I have been saving up something delightfully creepy to share with you lovelies.

A couple of years back I discovered an animator called Adam Phillips. I sincerely recommend you check out his website, there's some gorgeous animations on there... my favourite of which is Taken. Watch it with the lights off!

Reassuring thoughts on the economy

I know it's all doom and gloom at the moment, but I'd like to bring a little ray of financial optimism into your life.

Think about it like this: If the economy got into a terrible state, and we were all suddenly very poor, and prices went up, nobody would be able to buy anything. Nobody would be able to buy anything from Tesco, or from Rupert Murdoch, or from Microsoft. This is a classic case of the goose that lays the golden egg shitting itself to death, and you can bet that these huge GloboHyperMegaCorps with billions of dollars at their disposal don't want that to happen. It is in their best interests that things stay basically ok, and they've got the leverage to make sure that happens.

I do research for these posts, you know. I even looked up Forbes' list of the top 2000 companies, but it was boring.

So to summarise: Very rich and powerful companies want you to be able to buy what you need to live, and also plenty of stuff you don't need. We also want to be able to buy this stuff. Happily ever after.

Change of subject. I was thinking earlier...
Chocolate in winter doesn't melt as quickly. Somehow this gives it an entirely different feel. I'd go so far as to say that it seems to have far fewer calories than the heavy, sweet, sticky-as-sin summer chocolate. Not as nice though, especially when your face is so cold that you can't taste it properly and the momentary look of mild disappointment gets frozen onto your face and you spend the rest of the day looking slightly despondent until you find a radiator to hug.

Election warz!: update

I've been trying to get informed on the debate (no wait, actually information was just being poured into my head until I gave up fighting it), and while I do get confused over which party are the terrorists and which one are the communists (or are the blue guys both of those?), I am getting a bit of a picture of their supporters.

I think the whole debate has been best summed up by a fanatical McCain supporter (feel free to check out her blog, Sarah's Army, to get a feel for what kind of intellectual level she's fighting on) who wrote: "McCain believes in protecting and defending America as it is. Obama tells the world he is ashamed of America and wants to change it into something else."

Go Obama, says I.

On an unrelated note... my weekend has been pretty awesome! On Friday I stayed up till 7am watching Avatar with the guys. It was properly amazing, the basic concept of the programme is as follows: there's these four tribes: Air, Earth, Fire, and Water; and some of the people in these tribes can control their element, and they're called Benders. It follows one kid who's a bender of all four elements, and is thus the Avatar. Good for him!

The rest of the weekend was basically spent with my Gavin (he's recently written a great blog post about fair trade and our responsibility to the rest of the world - heavy stuff, but so relevant and important right now. And always.)

Anyway, I've got uni in the morning and this whole clock-going-forward shenanigans has completely thrown me off (doesn't it always! At least it was the good one) - although I'm still a bit jetlagged from Friday night / Saturday morning.

Anyways, go ahead and check out Sarah's Army; if you can make it through three posts without mentally quoting Team America: World Police, you're a better man than I.

Programmes I used to love

... and I still do, to be fair.

I'm not going to go with the obvious thing, which would be to dive through YouTube unearthing clips from 1980s children television (amazing though that would be); instead I'm going to address the programmes that had an impact on me in my teenage years.

First of all, Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I am not ashamed of this. I think it was absolute quality, with enough 'normal teenage stuff' to make it relatable. For example, there was a wonderful episode in which students started disappearing, fading into invisibility, and all it took to bring them back from oblivion was some eye contact or a quick conversation. It was a wonderful metaphor; directly relevant without being overbearingly obvious.

My favourite episode would either be Hush, or the musical episode (which was truly amazing if you loved the show as much as I did / do). Hush hardly had any dialogue, which many people would argue was an improvement (these people would be wrong and silly. Silly wrong people). The sheer horror levels of that episode were at an all-time high, and The Gentlemen were unforgettably creepy.

The Gentlemen

Also, eyecandy is always a winner. The series was around for long enough - six years, apparently - for my interests to phase from Xander to Spike. Even to Giles on some days. And Willow on others (no homo). Never Angel though, the big broody stump of emo that he was. He was all sad and pathetic and in love with Buffy, which held far less appeal than Spike's wannabe-rocker mojo. Of course they eventually cut Spike's balls off in an attempt to redeem him, and he turned all sad and pathetic and fell in love with Buffy. I mean dammit people.

Another programme that influenced me was Star Trek: The Next Generation, shuttup, it's awesome. And here's why. The spirit of adventure - of scientific discovery in space, and of pure indulgent fantasy in the holodeck - really caught my imagination. If I'd been any older I'm sure my imagination would have been elsewhere, no doubt musing on the contents of that secsi uniform (muscle padding, apparently. *Noise of disappointment*). So it's just as well TNG got me while I was young and innocent; I was too young to find Wesley Crusher irritating, so I just harboured confused daydreams of making friends with him and, I don't know, discussing dilithium crystals.

Wesley attractive?
Now you kinda see it...

And now you really, really don't.

You SO don't.

It's sad but true: if I watch something enough, I start to fantasize about having conversations with the characters. That's not insanity, it's imagination, and anyone who disagrees can take it up with Frank the 6-foot rabbit, can't they Frank.

YES

Also, I'd like to cast an obvious yellow vote for the Simpsons. I'm pretty sure the Simpsons affected everyone in some way. They informed American and British humour for over a decade until South Park took the reins. I still hold a tremendous affection for the characters, although not to the point where I'd willingly watch them in anything for quite a while.

He likes doughnuts LOLLLLLL

So, yes. Those are my three nominees for "Programmes I used to love." Feel free to share your special memories in the comment box. You too, Rich, don't be shy!

OH by the way, Dan, Stephen Fry, the ACTUAL Stephen Fry, is following me on Twitter. I Shit You Not. Admittedly he's got as many internet friends as MySpace Tom, but this IN NO WAY (slightly) cheapens how awesome this is.

Being better

Egads, people...

I don't really know what to say for myself.

I'm sorry, most of all. I am currently feeling very sorry indeed. I've been a terrible friend, daughter, sister, girlfriend. a terrible person in general. I'm not depressed about it; it's not my way to convince myself that I'm worthless and to feel terrible about it.

How to express it... I would be worthless without the love of others. As it is, you've given me a value, God has given me a value, that I could never hope to earn on my own. So thank you for that.

I'm trying to be better, but then I always try to be better and very little comes of it. Still. One must keep trying.

As I'm often told, you don't have to be better than anyone else, you just have to be better than yesterday.

I love you, Randall Monroe

The addiction

It's that time of night again when I know I should sleep, but I really, really don't want to.

I posted recently about my childhood insomnia. It's not a problem for me any more, I could get my head down now and be asleep within ten minutes, if it weren't for the fact that I keep waiting for something to happen. I feel like if I go to sleep I'll be missing out on something.

This is, of course, because of my internet addiction - a lot of the things I'm interested in run on American time - so I end up loitering on msn and going in little circles of email -> twitter -> google reader -> blog -> flickr -> email, ad nauseum.

Maybe it's time to take a week offline again... although this time I'm not sure I could do it. My real-world life is a lot less busy than it was last time.

Anywhoot! Hope you're all well, thanks for keeping my blog active - it makes me happy.

Interesting thing of the day: My birthday present from G's parents. So so so pretty!

Anna the Drag Queen

As I was wandering in and out of all the clothes shops in town today, desperately searching for a white jumper like the one I made up two years ago, I was reminded of something I learned about in Sociology lessons in high school.

Judith Butler wrote about Gender Performativity, which is the idea that acting, dressing, walking in a female way, so as to appear as female as possible, is a drag act - regardless of the biological sex of the person doing it. She knows the score, man, I'm telling you. As I wandered fearfully through aisles of puffy dresses and stupid shoes, I whispered silent thanks to Ms Butler for explaining this to me.

Y'see, it's not inborn knowledge. Girls don't automatically know how to apply eyeliner, or what to wear to a 'soirée', or whether red works with purple. They don't wake up one day in a tasteful sunglow-gold haze, sit bolt upright, and say "My gosh, I've been wearing dresses with flats all these years!"

So for my entire life, I've been making it up as I go along, desperately hoping that I won't get caught out. I throw on something that probably might look ok I guess, and venture outside into the hostile, judging gaze of those who knows more about fashion than me - i.e. everyone. I fear being accosted by Gok Wan or Trinny and Susannah; those supremely confident beings who seem to know exactly what I should wear despite not knowing who I am or what I like. Maybe they could help me. Maybe they could tell me what kind of occassion those horrible puffy dresses are actually for, and it would all fall into place, and I'd cry and we'd buy me a tangerine clutch to celebrate.

But until the day comes when I pledge my undying allegiance to Red magazine, if indeed the day ever comes, I'll continue to wear stuff I find in charity shops.

My most unfashionable fashion choices:

• a long denim jacket with stars and furry bits on. I bought it because it matches the jeans I got given by a friend and fell in love with. The jeans have since fallen apart, but the jacket lives on!
• man-shirts! I love man-shirts. I have one of my brother's that he gave me, and one of my dad's that he... hasn't noticed is gone.
• a massive black rucksack. It's technically for a laptop, but when most girls don't have room for their mobile phone in those tiny pink bags of theirs, I'm pulling hatstands and stuff out of mine.
• my nails are currently bitten raw, with chipped black nail varnish. Stylish!
• big stompy shoes. They're so worn down that they squeak on every surface known to man, even carpet somehow, so it's time I found some almost but not quite exactly the same to replace them.

Mistakes even I haven't made:


In other news, I'm retiring my Creative Splurges blog. I won't delete it, but I won't be adding to it any more either - instead, feel free to check out my deviantART page!

Words are not enough - or too much

I was walking home from Gavin's just now when I noticed a cat sitting by the side of the river. She was just waiting in the dark, watching. As I passed, she turned to look at me, then resumed staring and thinking.

I was struck by curiosity - what was she thinking? How could I ever possibly know what a cat thinks about in its leisure time? As I reflected on this, I recognised the same awe and wonder I felt when my little sister was too young to speak. I'd stroke her short, wispy hair while she played with duplo bricks, and wonder what was going on in her oddly-shaped babyhead. She was thinking, all right; she was doing some of the most rapid learning any human ever gets to do - she just had no words for it yet.

This is something that affects all of us at some time or another. As we grow, our thoughts progress from "I don't want to go to Grandma's house, it smells funny" to "Her routine and standards are completely alien to me, and she reminds me of my own mortality and that of my parents." The same feelings, just different thoughts. Just because we learn new words.

Sometimes I wonder if words interfere with the experience. I've been writing for so long now that I can't sit and watch anything without describing it to myself, layering the sights, sounds and smells with words. This isn't a bad thing; words are beautiful, words are another way of digesting an experience - but between that and my obsessive photography, I don't often stay in the moment and just drink it all in.

It's at times like that I envy the cat. She has no words to describe the wind brushing through her fur; the sound of the river trickling over loose pebbles; the occasional sight of a lone human walking tiredly home. She just experiences it, raw and unprocessed; she just Is. She just Is a Cat, and things Are what they Are. Maybe that should be enough for me sometimes too.

This is what I was thinking about as I walked home tonight. The church tower chimed twelve, and I wondered how I'd describe it to you.

Ten things

For some reason I've found it difficult to write about anything lately. I haven't seen any new films lately, or I'd attempt a lacklustre review, possibly with a few mediocre puns thrown in for good measure.

So anyway, as I said, not much in the way of inspiration happening here. I suppose this is a filler post. For my regular readers, here are ten unrelated things about me that you may not know. To those who don't know me, who are new readers, perhaps, here is my proof that I'm not just another cardboard cut-out person who sits on the bus with you.

1. The place I dream about most often is my home church. I've had flying dreams, naked dreams, exploring dreams, even a sexy dream once, located there. I think I probably dream about it roughly once a week.


2. My parents sent me a bear for my birthday. He arrived today and has a hot water bottle inside him, and I've named him Bode. I think the journey must have been stressful as he's shedding a fair bit - I never want to travel by envelope!
   


3. Back when I used to get insomnia as a kid, I'd try sleeping the other way round, on the floor, in my wardrobe, on top of my wardrobe, in the hall... anywhere. It never worked.
   


4. I want to redecorate this site to something a little less fey, but I've absolutely no idea where to get the layout. I got this one by butchering some code from one of those "OMGLOL pretty up your myspace, lyk totally hot!!!1" sites.


5. I have maybe sort of cyberstalked before. A bit. But it was all public information. But I'm still sorry. Although I would probably do it again. Well then people should stop being so damn INTERESTING then shouldn't they! Still, we're going out now so I suppose I must have done something right! Hahahaah!! I'm not crazy!!! Hahahaah!!!!


6. I used to get very homesick for places I'd never been. Heaven, Ankh-Morpork, a willow tree by a river. I don't any more. Any great thinker, writer, or comedian will tell you that as soon as you're happy with your life, something in your imagination goes dormant.


7. The first pet my family ever owned died right underneath my feet. He was a cat called Chloë and I loved him very much. He purred for the first person to get up every day, so our parents had to ban us from getting up before 6.


8. For years I thought someone I knew was skiving off school. He had six months off at one point just because every weekday morning he'd wake up with an indefinable headache that would disappear sometime after lunch. When he was diagnosed with depression I felt like utter shit, especially since part of me still didn't understand.


9. My greatest fear is that I will cease to be interesting or likeable, and everyone I know will desert me, and I'll be incapable of making any new friends. Every day I wonder if this has already started happening.


10. I could be an amazing poet. I know I could. Maybe I will be one day.

I'm not going to say it's a meme, but if any of you decide you'd like to write ten unrelated facts about yourself (and let's face it who doesn't love a bit of a vanity-wallow once in a while), drop me a comment or an email with a link - I'd love to read them.

Interesting Things

Listen guys, I keep accumulating neat things to tell you about and forgetting to put them in my posts. So here, for your delectation and delight, is a list of Interesting Things.

First off, we have the delightful FaceYourManga, a simple, fun and versatile facemaker. This is me:

But to be honest, creating these was much more fun!:







Second we have an amazing little flash game called The Fancy Pants Adventure: World 2. The physics of it feel natural, and it's charming and original. I absolutely love it! One mini-level is an homage to sonic, and despite the simplistic graphics you could almost believe it was made by the same people. Watch the backgrounds too, keep an eye out for the batmobile!

Thirdly I'd like to recommend Forumwarz. For the internet savvy among us, the terms 'emo kid', 'camwhore' and 'troll' conjure up familiar archetypes. Well now's your chance to play as one of them in the beautiful game that is the internet. By the time you realise that you're addicted to a roleplaying game it'll be too late! I'm a level 7 camwhore, and my only gripe is that you get limited activity per day unless you pay for more.

I think I'll leave it at that for now, but remember I do honestly enjoy sharing this stuff with you. Let me know if you check them out, and tell me what you think!

I don't know what to call this post

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know I haven't updated in ages. I've fallen victim to Blogger's Law - if anything interesting is happening in my life, I'm far too busy to write about it!

The day after my birthday was wonderful. We had a great time at the comedy club - I was going to review the comedians individually but to be honest I can't remember their names!

University stuff is sort of getting started, although I'm still not actually enrolled yet. It's a bit frustrating (in the same way that child abuse is a bit unfair. Um.)

I had fun last night talking to a bunch of people in Americaland, and didn't get to sleep until 5am because the last few of us in chat got talking about the separation of church and state. I also told them about what happened with the vicar, and the objection to that rather bizarre story was "a beatboxing forum? Yeah right." Strange what some people find improbable. Good thing I didn't tell them the bikini story, really...

Anyway, I promise I'll update again soon, I have been getting the blog withdrawal shakes. If you don't know what that's like, it's basically when you walk around narrating your life inside your head trying to make it sound funny; an effect compounded by the fact that I've been thinking about stand-up comedy a lot.... all I'm saying is, haters beware, I've got a few choice heckler putdowns up my sleeve!

A birthday in pictures

I've passed! HOORAY!!!!











Not pictured: Gavin took me out for an incredible sushi meal. Delicious!


I'm getting better at Guitar Hero.



I've had a completely incredible day, I'm looking forward to tomorrow so much! YAY!

Big Al says dogs can't look up

Well, things are looking up for me! I'm feeling better, showing up at uni (if not actually enrolled yet), and turning 21 tomorrow. 21. That's properly grown-up! Fortunately that means nothing these days.

And, in addition, a bit of charity shop hunting has led to me listening to Hanson and B*Witched's albums from back in the day! AMAZING. It's even sunny and everything!

Oh, and I must remember to tell you why time flies when you're having fun. I worked it out! yeh! so remind me if I forget.

Today we have a VERY interesting thing: Fantastic Contraption! I've had so much fun with this the past couple of days. Give it a go. If a few of you are into it, I'll post up some amazing solutions!

Nothing, really

I've been waiting an unreasonable amount of time - like FIVE WHOLE DAYS - to update you on whether I passed my first year of uni or not. But you know as much as I do. So rather than dwell on it, and rage out all over again, I'm going to talk about other things. Hooray!

I'd rather have a bottle in front o' me than a frontal lobotomy. Hahahah.

Seriously, I've been trying to think of something to write about for five minutes, and that's all I came up with.

It's too late for thinking. Also I'm still recovering from the laryngitis.

Instead of anything interesting or amusing from me, watch this video of Christian the Lion. It's so heartwarming your love-organ might start burning like after a visit from a two-dollar whore.

Don't worry, be crappy

You know what? Stop worrying, honestly.

The deciding moment in your life could be which sandwich you eat tomorrow, or how you styled your hair yesterday. You may never know. That's chaos theory - a butterfly flaps its wings, and...

There are too many factors in life! How can you identify any one thing as important enough to stress over?

We are not told how things could have been, we aren't even told how things are! We have to make it up, with no real idea of what the consequences will be. So whether you get the job, the girl, the flat, or not - how could you know if that's better or worse in the long run?

Maybe you'll live on the streets for a month and die a millionaire.
Maybe you'll get fantastic grades at school and lose a leg in a car accident.
Maybe one would never have happened without the other, maybe it would have happened anyway. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure.

So why worry? You'll muddle through somehow, you always do.

Today's Interesting Thing, in honour of my crappy poorlies, is a guide to illing, by the esteemed Anna from Little Red Boat.

End on a high note

Let's play a fun game! What's the worst possible thing that could happen to Anna? That's right: this all over again. Last year I spent Fresher's week, when I should have been getting to know people, curled up in bed, miserable and completely unable to eat / drink / talk for the best part of a week. This year, it's time to get rolling with the uni thing, and my throat decides to pull it's old inflammation trick again.

This time, however, I am actually registered with a doctor! Silver lining, people, silver lining. Until I can get an appointment, however, it's extreme hunger for me. Hoo-bloody-rah.

I spent a fair portion of today watching youtube videos of Sesame Street, getting all nostalgic, and deciding it would be awesome to design muppets for a living. It would, wouldn't it? What a job.

(removed videos deleted)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ptbp0pmcg3U

That kid has got KILLER comedic timing!! And she's adorable, so little Joey is my interesting thing of the day. Hooray! See why you should watch Sesame Street when you feel low?

/EDIT: videos removed? Dagnabbit! Try these:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOKcG-B3VkA


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrwn_v7WkfA


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNLBke_jvYg

Poets

Ok first of all, if you know me, you know poetry excites me. It makes me dizzy, makes me smile, makes me feel things in a different way, and that's why I love it.

That's why I'm going to share these people with you; because I believe they have something to say that might matter to you.

First of all, Scroobius Pip. Many of you will have heard this before, most likely because it's amazing.


Scroobius Pip is a modern poet, rapper, spoken word lyricist, political thinker. Enjoy it.

Our second poet today is Taylor Mali. He is a teacher, and he is one of those people who seem to be aware in a way that many people aren't. He speaks with conviction. I respect that.



The third poet I'd like to recommend to you Christina Rossetti. She writes about emotions and situations that really speak to me. Particularly "No, Thank You, John" - a firm push into the friend zone for some would-be lover. From the sounds of things it needed to be done, for his own sake as well as hers!

On an unrelated note, the interesting thing of the day is TyTe's latest beatboxing video - it's one of the all-too-rare funny ones, and I thought you might like to check it out. This is the man who got me into beatboxing, this is the man who fed me barbequed shark that I then left all over his patio. He is a legend. Watch, comment.

Eventful day

Also, Gav's brother is engaged to his lady! Hooray!
Also, my uncle died of cancer either today or yesterday. I barely knew him.
Also, I played lots of wii mariokart tonight.
Also, one of my friends is a Lost geek like me!
Also, telling someone they're being oversensitive when they're angry is a FANTASTIC way of calming them down...

Quick note

As you know, I'm tweaking the layout a bit. Being a bit of a noob, I'll probably foul it up at some point - please let me know if things aren't displaying properly for you!

THE WORLD'S GONNA EN- oh no it's okay

Y'know, I now understand why emo-kids all have livejournals full of their depressing thoughts*. I have had an absolute shitter of a day, pardon my Klatchian, and my first response is "oh em gee I gotta blog this ish right here."

HERE FOLLOWS
THE TRUE AND EXTRAORDINARY EXPLOITS
OF ONE MISS ANNA FRUEN

So, today was the day I was supposed to get my results. I failed one module of my first year at Plymouth university, and I had to retake it to transfer. It was vitally important that I get those results before Monday because THAT, dear reader, is the day I register at UWIC, my new uni.

However.

They couldn't give me the results over the phone.
I couldn't access the student intranet because they've taken me off the system.
It had not yet arrived at my home address on the Isle of Wight because they were only sent off today.

This took many, many phone calls to Plymouth and to home to ascertain.

STRESSFUL!

I was left, panicking and tearful, to explain to Gavin and my parents why everything had gone so horribly, horribly wrong...

Until just now. Gav called. He said that he'd phoned UWIC, talked to K who's been helping me through the transfer (and thus deserves a medal), and found out the following:

a) I don't register, technically, until Thursday
b) Even if I've failed they can work around that
c) They've had a bunch of transfer students like me and it's all gone fine with them
d) They've found a tutor group that goes well with my "lively debate" style of learning
e) It's all gonna be ok and I can allow my blood pressure to subside to the point where it's not trickling out of my ears.

I therefore nominate Gavin and K for 'best people of the month' awards. Thank you SO SO SO MUCH!

I know it's difficult to follow this post - the life-saving phone call came partway through, so it's a bit jumbled - but all you have to do is say "Oh well done, thank goodness" or words to that effect.

*Sweeping generalisations. They're always right.

In which Anna is inbetween

I know dementia is a very serious problem, but this poster still makes me laugh. That phrase in particular, "Fighting dementia every step of the way", brings to mind a picture of an old lady saying "Now, I know you've told me, Enid, but where are we going?" Sorry.

I find myself in a rather odd situation right now where I can't say anything about myself for certain. I can't say I'm 20 because I'm practically 21, I can't say I'm a Christian because I'm very confused, and I've dyed my hair it's natural colour which is sort of mousy dark blondey brownish so I can't even identify my hair colour with any certainty.

Still female, though. Still definitely female.

By the way, the tags at the bottom of my posts can be used to track what I've written on certain topics. I tend to reuse the same tags, so generally if you want to find out what I've written about (for example) identity in the past, just click it and see. Nifty!

Good news everyone!

The domain name www.almostdailyexploits.com is now up and running! You don't have to change or update anything, the old blogspot address will just redirect. Still. Pretty exciting eh?

I can also now be contacted at the email address: anna at almostdailyexploits dot com.

Link splurge

Madness, have I really not posted for five days? Such deplorable laxity! Still, I like to think that since the revamp I've been living up to the blog's title at the very least. Sort of, a bit.

I'm currently feeling thoroughly useless and dithering like a professional ditherer; my housemate's had some bad news and, since I've spent a total of three minutes talking to him ever, I'm not really sure how to help. This isn't appalling social skills on my part, by the way - he's only just moved in. Still. Mental note: must make more of an effort.

I'd like to recommend Wet Lemon Animations as my interesting thing of the day, which is really cheating as there are several interesting toons on it. My favourite one isn't working, but it's on Weebl's Stuff: Colours has a beautiful storyline! Check out the portal song too, it's gorgeous. Have I recommended Jonathan Coulton to you yet? No?! Well the Portal song is one of his, and I can't recommend his songs enough. They're funny and beautiful, and some are free to download.

As always, the links will be going up in the sidebar for later reference.

9/11 and the Fuckery of the Election Campaigns

Oh God, I'd forgotten how much I hate American politics. At least in the UK we have the decency to be politely embarrassed about the whole thing. In America, the party you support have the power and the strategies to change the world for the better. But the other guys? Oh, the other guys are in league with terrorists. They hate The Family (which family is this, by the way?), and will have us all being ridden around like ponies with Muslims and Communists on our backs by the end of 2010. The other guys couldn't possibly lead the Greatest Nation (tm) because their leader is a woman / black / inexperienced / a bitch / republican.

I'll be honest, I don't even know which party is which. Paint one turd red and one blue and I'll be just as unwilling to swallow either, thank you very much.

And if you think I'm exaggerating, that they're not really all overdramatic fearmongers, I'd like you to see how much of this video you can watch before nominating him for an Oscar.



The reason it makes me so angry is that America was supposed to be our big chance at a blank slate. A truly equal society in which freedom and justice were available to all. Such lofty aspirations, and yet the election campaigns are just pigs in dirt, squealing as many buzzwords as they can.

Disclaimer: I don't hate Americans, I'm not Jeremy Clarkson. I've just never heard a political diatribe yet that I liked or agreed with. By the way, if pressed for a vote, I like Obama because he has a nice smile and waves a lot. (At least I'm honest about it.)

Site stats

I checked my blog on websitegrader.com, expecting to hear the usual: that nobody really reads / has heard of The Almost Daily Exploits of Me. Instead, it turns out that in the grand scheme of things I'm doing fairly well!

"Your website has an Alexa rank of 6,016,239 which is in the top 19.58 % of all websites."

"This blog currently has a Technorati rank of 2,473,598, which puts it in the top 3.53% of blogs tracked by Technorati."

Well heck, this pleases me.

Every journey starts with a single blog post about how you intend to take a step

Few things are as painful as the horrible realisation of your true self. All the little personality flaws, all the foibles that your closest friends and family know only too well (and like you too much to point out). In fact the only thing I can think of right now that is MORE horrible than that, is when you have to do something about it.

So here, in the privacy of my own public blog, I've decided to confess to a few of my faults with the express intention of weeding them out of my personality.

ONE.
If there is no drama in my life, I will create some. I'm nowhere near as bad as I used to be, with my weekly breakdowns at Soul Cafe where people would need to reassure me about all aspects of my body and personality, but I'm still pretty bad. Take Gavin for example. Occasionally - up to and including this weekend - I'll continue crying at him because it takes a lot more effort to calm down and be rational about things. This is clearly unacceptable.

TWO.
When I say I'll do something, I mean I may or may not and it certainly won't be soon. Despite my many layers of organisation - both an online and physical diary, phone reminders, www.rememberthemilk.com etc. - I still find ways of postponing pretty much everything. This comes down to poor time management; something that I will have to keep very tightly in check when university starts again. If it starts again. Oh God.

THREE.
I must, must, MUST work myself back into sensible sleeping habits. I've seen the wrong side of dawn far too many times in the past week, now being a prime example. If I am to have any hope of catching a worm, ever, I must stop relying on the blackout blind to provide me with an artificial night.

So! You may all bear witness to this pledge to better myself. I shall start tomorrow with a reasonable rising time (i.e. actually in the morning), a healthy breakfast, and a tidying spree.

Why can't I improve myself in a montage? Montages are easy. Rocky got a damn montage.

While the cat's away

Gavin's been gone for three days, and I've been using the freed-up time to meet up with people, go out with housemates, and mope in my room. Mostly that last one. It's been a fairly good weekend, except for a very dramatic night last night in which I was extremely irrational and angry and frightened - never a good combination. Long story short, I was just worried about Gav because he was having an allergic reaction.

Friday night was vastly superior: I was hanging out with friends, kicked everyone's asses at Wii bowling, met someone new, discovered White Russians (which are now tied first with Baileys for best alcoholic drink ever), and wore my sexy shoes for no readily explainable reason.

Interesting thing of the day: a facemaker. I adore this thing, I have endless fun with it. Just search for faces by Thiefree to see what I've been up to with it!

Repentance

You know what? Repentance hurts. My tears last night were tears of pure grief at the things I've done and the way I've been, and it was like wringing out my heart. I'm a sinner. An unpopular word, perhaps, but that's what I am and I realised that anew last night. I was sobbing the words I'm sorry, over and over, but words didn't do it justice. I was grieving the things I'd done to sully the Holy Spirit. Something so pure and beautiful that should lift me up to better things, and I've trodden it in the dirt time and time again.

Gavin told me he felt I should call my sister Judi, so I did, despite the fact that I assumed she'd be asleep. So I said no. Gav said "I really feel like you should call her." So I did; no answer. "Try again." I did, and she picked up, and she said all the right things... she hadn't been able to sleep so I hadn't woken her. She said the right things, encouraged me, and gave me good advice. I thank God for people in my life like Gavin and Judith who are, thank God, there when I need them.

And today... this appeared in ASBO Jesus:

I thought mine had, but last night my tears made it burn brighter.