It's a long time since I've written a post like this. I think. Knowing my memory I could have written this word for word a month ago, but it doesn't feel like it.
I've been crying a lot lately. Like, a LOT a lot. You know that emotionally unstable girl who freaks out on her boyfriend over the tiniest thing, and he then has to placate her until she stops wailing? I have become that trainwreck. I NEVER wanted to be that girl. But there I was, walking blindly and silently in a random direction trying to suppress the tears once again while my poor beloved tried to understand what the hell was wrong this time.
Thing is, it's not hormones. I've been blaming it on hormones for about the past six months, which should be enough to clue me in, but it's taken me until now. It's taken me this long to remember that my general happiness is inextricably tied to my relationship with God.
We went to church this morning for the first time in a long while. It felt good. Both of us were very touched by the message, and I think it's time I once again confronted that scary-beautiful word 'repentance'. That was this morning. This afternoon was my most recent crying fit. After that, we found a green place by a river. There was a willow tree. We prayed together on a bench, and I sat on the grass and waited.
Sometimes you just need to wait.
He waited with me, holding my hand and looking directly into my eyes. He remarked afterwards how my eyes had changed, phasing through heartbreak, laughter and surprise in the space of a few moments. The truth is I was rediscovering something. Not all at once, because sometimes it takes time, but I was sat digging in the dirt and I felt like things weren't as awfully sad as they had been.
So, here's to Cardiff and new beginnings. Thank you all.
Sunday, 29 June 2008
Thursday, 26 June 2008
Monday, 23 June 2008
... as the legendary Dolly Parton sang. Yes, the rumours are true, I finally have a job! Today was my first day, and it was pretty good! Stuffing envelopes, wrestling paper jams out of printers, standard temp stuff.
For some reason I was in a truly weird mood afterwards. All sad and quiet and wanting something-but-I-don't-know-what. If anybody has a theory I'd be delighted to hear it; all I knew was that I felt down and even cuddles couldn't fix it. Probably just hormones, giving me the old leaky-eye.
Ah well, same again tomorrow no doubt.
Saturday, 21 June 2008
Not in the Blackadder sense, tragically, although I would make an AWESOME nursie. And not in the naughty PVC way either, although again, I'm sure I'd be more than up to the task. No, I've been simply nursing my beloved back to something-approaching health.
He was DYING!! Well, not really, but certainly very ill. Since Wednesday noon I've spent most of the time at his, flapping my hands ineffectually and occasionally changing his hot water bottle. I'm sure my nursing award is in the post...
He seems to be better now, so hopefully I'll become a bit more frequent in these supposedly "Almost Daily" updates. I confess, I've taken some liberties with the term "Almost", but such is life when things actually start happening.
Tonight Gav was actually feeling well enough to come to the pub with me to see everyone, which was a blessed release for both of us from the confines of his room. Things are looking up, people!
Dawn: Last night she was vomiting and then this morning she was vomiting some more, and then, just when we thought she was done, she started vomiting again.
Principal Wood: Yeah, we've got that stomach flu going around.
Dawn: Her exact words were "I've got stuff coming out of both ends."
Principal Wood: Thank you. That's... very helpful.
Tuesday, 17 June 2008
Well well well. Where to start.
I've got a job. Just for a month, some simple office work, but it will be my First Proper Job. I'm not too nervous, actually; I've got a kind of "just do it" attitude that probably means I owe Nike royalties. In honour of doing this remarkably grownup thing, I've been making the necessary phone calls and running errands and finding paperwork and all sorts of impressively organised things. Mostly without hardly being threatened at all.
A friend of mine has bought a wii. This is, naturally, the perfect excuse to all go round his house and play that strangely addictive sports that involves odd limbless people that look almost, but not quite, entirely unlike you. I'd like it to be known that I absolutely kicked ass until we started playing a proper game.
I miss the days when I used to rule the world at DOA3. Out of sheer sudden cravings for that game, I started playing on Gav's Soul Calibre 2. Methadone.
I had a very detailed dream last night. The best way to remember dreams is to repeat them to yourself out loud in the morning. I thought it all through in detail, figuring that's more or less the same, and it hasn't worked. Booooo.
Gav had his hair straightened, and it made him very happy. He looks really good too, so we've bought some straighteners to share. Hooray!
Gah - remember my crushingly embarrassing bikini story? I had the opportunity to tell a rather lovely person the whole thing, and our mutual friend told me that she'd read my blog post on the matter at work on a rubbish day and that it cheered her up. I mostly write this blog for me, but that kind of comment truly brightens up my day.
Also, my toe hurts. I tripped over the carpet last night. I hopped about for a bit looking pathetic before remembering that there was nobody here to feel sorry for me. That's why I'm telling you; I figure I'm karmically owed sympathy!
Some of you know about the cartoons that I made. Well my creative splurges now extend to graphics tablet doodles. Let me know what you think!
So, in summary, life is good and moving forward, and my addiction to Boots meal deals continues unabated.
Thursday, 12 June 2008
Most blogs that have been going for as long as I have develop a nifty little feature known as a blogroll. Talking to a friend of mine who's recently started her own blog (pop over to Juniper to say hello if you get the chance), I decided that it's high time I recommended a few blogs to peruse.
Little Red Boat
Written by Anna Pickard, a journalist. Amusingly written stories of her life and thoughts. She can't stand the sound of apples being eaten, and thinks that public consumption of such should be banned.
Practical sex-talk. Aimed at men, but a good read for ladies too - and if you've got any questions that could benefit from a bloke's point of view, they do a slot called "something for the ladies".
Written by Scott Adams; cartoonist, great writer, atheist, vegetarian. Expect political rantings and jaded sarcasm.
If you haven't discovered Postsecret yet, I have to assume you're confused by the fact that this box is talking to you. For those who just need reminding, Postsecret is a home for artistic secrets sent in to Frank, who is just some guy.
If you lovely lovelies could help me out and recommend your favourite blogs, I'd like to check them out too. Thanks!
Wednesday, 11 June 2008
Well, I have to say, what a calamity! Here follows the heart-rending tale of how muggins here managed to delete and, miraculously, undelete her beloved blog.
Simple technical error - I found out that I had two google accounts, and I was logged into both when I clicked the 'delete' button. System got confused, deleted my email account, and my blog of three freakin' years. HOWEVER! As you can no doubt see, I have PESTERED GOOGLE INTO SUBMISSION! They've restored everything exactly as it was. How marvellous.
Party in the comments section, and you're invited! WOOHOO!