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Tuesday, 2 December 2008

On the importance of internet and family, and how they both kinda suck

plugged in
When I'm having a bad day, and the depression seems to have a firm hold of my mind, pure escapism is the only way I can convince myself that things are ok.

When I was a child, fantasy books were my escape. I'd spend every breaktime, every lunchbreak, sat in the library huddled over some new mystery; some enthralling adventure that would take me away from real people for a while.

These days, I seem to have been struck with that curious perspective disorder that makes people further away seem more important. I could be talking to my family; the people I love, who I grew up with, and will miss when they're gone. But for some reason I need to escape them sometimes and talk to a chatroom full of Americans who don't know me. That's how I escape.

The escape has been going fairly well lately. A couple of people I really respect have acknowledged me, which validates my existence in some tiny, pathetic way; and makes me think that perhaps I matter. (Yes, I know this is a very emo post - I'm unhappy. Deal with it.)

That said, my 'internet friends' can't bring me comfort the same way as a phone call from my sister. Nobody on any of the forums I frequent know me and understand me as well as my brother (aside from, erm, my brother). And nobody will be there when it all goes tits-up the way my family will. So tonight I have to remind myself that, one day, I will regret every second I passed them over in favour of a faceless name on IRC.

That doesn't mean they don't drive me crazy sometimes, though, 'cuz they do.


  1. The worlds gone to shit because of the internet...forgoing our family to sit...and sit...and read...and sit...but without it...I cant say that I'd be doing anything other than what I'm doing right now...reading. sitting. eating. sleeping. working.
    My E-family is more comforting at times than my actual family. Which is sad I suppose. But here I am SHANNA THE FEARLESS! In the real world...I'm Shanna the shy...Shanna the quiet...Shanna the basket case McLooneybin. =)

    To sum up that novel of a comment.

    Smile angel face...things will work themselves out. Your young and learning...and growing. And what seems bad today...will be a small blip in time soon enough <3

  2. Really nice post, thanks.

  3. Thanks Cliff. And Shanna, tell me about it... it's such an escape that you can reinvent yourself, it's like roleplay gaming... lol. I am a LEVEL 34 CAMWHORE!! (True story. Check out ForumWarz!)


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