Trouble with MSN

No, it's not broken (for once). I'm having serious problems going on MSN just because of the stress! I got to a point about a month ago where the noise it makes when someone says something would set my teeth on edge really badly, so I change it to a much softer "dee-doo" sort of noise, which worked for a while, but now again I'm finding it very difficult to go on MSN. I would love to talk to all the people on there, but one at a time would be ideal. I'd like to be able to have a thoughtful conversation, giving them a fair amount of attention and finding out more about them. Instead I find myself skipping between three people and the thing I was trying to do originally, giving none of them the attention they deserve.

So, if any of you have been wondering, that's why I haven't been online much lately. The constant "dee-doo" was getting too much for me.

Lazy update

I just realised that I'm not updating very often. I thought it was because I haven't got anything interesting to write, but then I thought "Anna! What are you saying? When you do ever have anything interesting to write?" so here I am, updating for the sake of it.

I would like to give a special mention to Tony! Guys, Tony isn't happy at the moment so say nice things to him in the comments section.

I am listening to Dido on my new iPod and generally feeling quite happy and relaxed. I love my iPod. It's a blue 4gig nano that my sister bought for her birthday and then decided she didn't want after all, so I got it cheap. Fantastic!

Anyway, hope you're alright and that. Love x x

Hobbit Laughs

One of my favourite beatboxers is a very skilled guy known as Hobbit. His trademark sound is... well, physically impossible, and if you want to see and/or hear it, you can just go here.

Ok, basically, my interest in the whole subject has rocketed since joining the forum at www.humanbeatbox.com. If you've ever wondered where the hot Christian guys are hiding, I have found the answer! I had no idea that there were so many Christian beatboxers, Hobbit included. In fact he got to know Jesus through this scene. Now that is whole new levels of awesome right there.

Another video you should totally watch is this one, which I may have recommended before but I don't care. Watch it again. Beardyman is such an entertainer, and a total legend.

Then of course there's TyTe, who I know you've heard of because I have been telling EVERYONE I KNOW (slight exaggeration, perhaps, but there are certainly some who are sick of hearing about it) that he's commented on my blog. SERIOUSLY. So I'll shut up about that now, probably maybe.

And as for my own personal 'skillz'? Working on it.

What a conundrum

I was going to complain about something tonight, but I'm too tired.

... Annnd now I'm confused as to whether I've actually achieved it or not...

Well I guess I'll be on my way, then. Ta-ta.

An attempt at vulnerability

Some of you know I haven't been myself lately, and hopefully this will explain why...

To understand why the current situation is so very terrible, I have to explain a bit of background. Myself, Lucy, Dominique, Matt and Justin used to be a really tight group of good friends, and there were plenty of others. We used to meet up all the time to have fun, mess around, watch films, whatever; but very often we'd pray together. It was brilliant, it's so valuable to have a support network of Christian friends who can encourage and build each other up. We were all out for God, and it was wonderful. Some of them used to go to open mic night and evangelise, something I never worked up the courage to do.

Things have changed now. A lot. And not for the better. Lucy's gone to Africa - from her emails it seems like God's doing amazing things in her life, she seems completely fired up for him, which is just brilliant. But she's gone, and Matt's usually working, Justin doesn't like us any more due to many complicated and private reasons; basically we've been losing people one by one and overall... it feels like the group has lost the fire.

My own spiritual walk with God has been getting increasingly rubbish, and I only just noticed. It was only tonight that I realised how far we've fallen.

Another thing we used to do, back when Jamez was still in the picture, was go on adventures. A guy called Jon - mine and Dom's friend, Matt's brother - said he wanted to go on an adventure - so we did. Me, and Dom, and Jon, and Toby, we caught a bus to anywhere and walked along a long road in the dark. It was amazing; we were next to the sea, so we could hear the waves, and the only light was from the stars. Oh, my word, the stars; millions and millions of them. It looked like we were in a bowl of water, and someone had thrown glitter on top.

Well if that's not a time for praying, I don't know what is. It was difficult, since we are spiritually moribund, but we prayed.

I said I knew how rubbish I was. I said I wanted to do better. I told him I missed him.

There was no instant warm fuzzy feeling, it was far too cold out and I couldn't feel my hands. There was no flash of light, unless perhaps from a passing car. But I at least know what's been causing the problem now, and I hope that - as a group, albeit a small and slightly fragile one - we can begin to work towards fixing it.

The Clusters Weekend Away-Day, and My Day Off

I am a very lucky person.

Over the past couple of weeks, it's just felt like I've had no spare time. No chance to just sit back and relax. The thing about youth work is that not only does the level of work fluctuate, it also expands to fit every available moment. So while there are some weeks (school holidays in particular) when there's nothing much to do, there are also weeks where I'll be out from early morning to late night with no real break in between. Mondays are the worst for me. I have to get up at 6 to go to a theology course on the mainland, and I don't stop going until 11.30pm when I get back from Soul Café.

But like I said, I'm a very lucky person. Dave (I've mentioned him before - he may even be reading this, so I'll try not to be too unstinting in my praise) is a very perceptive man, and he could see that things have been getting to me a bit lately. Possibly because I answered every sentence with "ARGH I WOULD but I DON'T have TIME!!!!!!"

That may or may not be exaggeration, I don't really remember to be honest.

So anyway, he made me take today off. So I said "Brilliant! Oh, except I should probably probably go to Soul Café."
And he said "No, take Monday off."
And I said "Actually, that's a good idea, it'll give me time to catch up on the essays."
And he said "No, forget the essays, take Monday off."

So today, I went to the cinema with my brother and sister. She's down from university for the weekend, and I wouldn't have got to see her otherwise, due to having been at the weekend away.

Oh yeah! The weekend away! It was brilliant, everyone had so much fun and they are the COOLEST people in the world ever. Really up for God. They didn't even have Issues, which was very nice of them indeed.

At the start of the weekend, Dave saw me wandering around with a camera and said "Oooh, are you going to take a picture of me for your blog then?" I think he was kidding.


If you want to see more photos I've taken lately, keep reading. If not, thanks for stopping by! x x
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Cushions and slipper


A crucifix that looks eerily like there's someone still in there


The girl's toilet had the most awesome paint job ever!


Oh yeah, this one's cool - a hailstorm hit out of nowhere! Well, I say out of nowhere, it may have been the giant freaky brown cloud that did it.


If you want to see more, there's a link to my Flickr page to the left.

Poetry

There's no money in it. Anyone who knows anything about writing knows there's no money in it; Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" (my favourite poem) sold for a pathetic $15, and that's one of the most famous poems in the WORLD probably maybe! So if the improbable should happen, and I achieve my life's ambition of publishing a book of poetry, I won't make much (if anything) from it at all.

But here's the thing: I don't care.

I don't care if I don't make a penny. I'd quite happily lose money, quite a lot of money, if it meant that people would be reading my poems. If it meant that I was a published poet (ah, there we see the vanity that lies at the heart of every artist)!

I was trying to remember, earlier today, why I write poems. How I started. When it all began. It's the sort of thing they make you do in school, and I know I was fairly good at it then. I recall amazing a friend when I was eight or nine with my astonishing ability to think of words that actually rhymed. I thought it was odd that nobody else seemed to find it as easy as I did, a sentiment that's stayed with me if I'm brutally honest!

I think I discovered poetry in earnest at approximately the same time as I discovered boys. Yes, I'm sure I did; I wrote a beautiful, yet toe-curlingly embarrassing love poem about a boy (not TO a boy, I still had some self-respect) that I then showed people (probably, knowing me, with the classic line "Read this, it isn't very good") and they seemed to like. So from then on, whenever I needed to do some serious spleen-venting, or had some spare angst that I wanted to share, or if I just wanted to make people laugh, I would write a poem. And after approximately five years of that, I think I'm really rather good.

If it seems to you that this post is quite vain and conceited, let me assure you that I'm under no illusions as far as my talent goes. I'm good, but not great - and poetry is after all my only skill. I'm not very musical, atrocious at sports, not the best actor in the world, my art skills are average at best, et cetera - but I will always have my way with words.

Well, that and beatboxing.

Purpose

Everyone's unique. Everyone has something to offer, talents and gifts that they can use to enrich other people's lives. I believe this. But at the same time I wonder if I've got anything to say that couldn't be said better, briefer, funnier by someone else. At the same time I wonder if someone could be rendered useless by an injury, or a birth defect, or simply growing old.

I don't like these uncomfortable thoughts.

I have a lot to offer, I think. I have words and smiles and hugs to encourage and comfort. I have poetry to challenge, or reassure, or amuse. And when all else fails, I have hands to move chairs with. There always needs to be someone to move chairs. I could receive a brain injury tomorrow that would rob me of all of this, but for now I have a purpose in this world.

Internet = OXYGEN

The reason I have been so infrequent with the updates lately is that my wireless connection has been truly fouled up lately. And yet still I updated! Now that's dedication!

Now, I don't want you to get all excited (Ok, you won't, you don't know who he is) but there is a remote possibility that Ben G might be reading this. I know. If this is in fact the case, I have but one thing to say:

UPDATE YOUR FRIKKIN' BLOG. Seriously man, if I read that opening line about the damn pickles one more time I'm going to.... do something bad!

(As an example of my writing style, I'll admit that the above isn't overwhelmingly descriptive. Well, tough.)

Hello, hello, I've missed you all!

Being followed by a Brown-Eyed Girl

-Written a couple of days ago, with a half-hearted attempt to change the tense this morning.-

Since I am a born Englishwoman, I have the power to dub things. Didn't know that, did you. Not like actual Lords-and-Ladies type stuff, just regular dubbing.

So by the power vested in me by my birthright, I officially dub my laptop a pain in the arse.

It's been a bit squiffy for a long time now, complaining of hardware malfunctions, or just randomly freezing and throwing up wierd scrolling colours to entertain me while I have a nervous breakdown, but now it's gone too far.

I can't connect to the internet. This is a PROBLEM for me, and I have to get it sorted while the darn thing's still under warrantee, so there's a very real possibility I'll be online a lot less for a while. Even posting this up requires stealing a few precious minutes of internet time from my host family's computer, which I'm sure they're fine with, but... meh.

Aside from that though, I've had a fairly ok-ish weekend. I spent most of Sunday morning staring at the back of Chris' head. Which was fine, I really didn't mind, but it made for a bit of a distraction from the old Lord because I was singing Brown Eyed Girl in my head. (Yes, there is a connection.) Later that day I went shopping with my family in Currys, where - Lo and verily behold - the sound system starts blaring out Brown Eyed Girl. Gahhhhh. I'm sure I've said before that my life is, at times, very coincidenceful. (Some people - ok, one person - mocks me for this, he thinks I read too much into things.)

Somebody I don't know (met her once, I think) died, apparently. I'm never very sure how to respond to news like that. I should be sad, and of course I am, but am I just making myself sad to avoid feeling guilty for not caring? Or am I genuinely sad, but in a detached, I-won't-miss-them sort of a way? And does it make me a terrible person to say this, or am I not expected to care about everyone? I don't know. But mostly I think I'm sad that it's upsetting people I care about. I hope that's ok.

I should stop thinking so much, really, as it's past 11pm (at time of writing anyway) and I have an early start tomorrow (Monday, so that tomorrow is yesterday).

Well, I'm confused. G'night. x

Flu away

Well, my 'flu' moment appears to have passed, as of this morning. So that was about 16 hours of flu. That's PATHETIC.

You remember a while ago I had an irritating twitchy eyebrow?

I now have, believe it or not, a torn ligament in my big toe. I'm pretty sure of it. I recognise the feeling from when I used to do the same to my ankle. So it hurts to walk, but I'd be far too embarrassed to tell people.

Not to mention the rather acute pain in my ear that I felt today; which was, in my childhood, an indication that my eardrum was about to burst. That passed before too long, fortunately.

So my question is this: WHY oh WHY do I appear to get the most embarassingly pathetic ailments and afflictions known to man?

I don't generally wander around being a drama queen (I haven't taken a sick day since I started working for YFC). Last night's entry was (I swear it) a one off. Oh, and tonight is a one-off too.

But if I can't whinge about trivial, insignificant pains on my own blog - well where can I?

Not that I haven't been talking to some people about it. It's all very well parading around being stoical, but when people have been noticing me clutching various parts of my anatomy all day, it might prompt a little explanation.

And when explaining, it's very difficult not to let out a little whinge.

Owie.

True blue flu?

As I write this, I'm curled up in bed wearing my VERY TRENDY and utterly warm YFC hoodie and jeans. The heating's on, my face is bright red, and I'm shaking like a student who forgot to hand their homework in to the Balrog, class 3b.

I blame Matthew.

You see, Matthew forgot his house key on Sunday night, so he slept in the garage. No, I don't know why. Let's be generous and say that he didn't want to wake his family. Anyway, I spend pretty much the whole of Monday with Matt most weeks, so he got increasingly shakey and achey and ill as the day progressed, and ended up wandering around East Cowes wearing my coat. And now, apparently, I've got it. Is it flu? I'm not sure how you tell.

Mostly though, I'm just gutted that tomorrow is supposed to be the day I babysit a cool little kid (roughly one and a half, I think). I was going to take him for a walk. I was going to get to know him better so that he would talk to me more. Whereas now, all I would be able to do is sit down on a bench somewhere and put him at a suitable distance so that I won't infect him, but he won't be kidnapped either. This is A Bad Thing.

Here's hoping I recover by tomorrow. That or die, I hear they have a strict no-flu policy in heaven.

I'm watching a youtube video (very slowly and in instalments because of my rubbish laptop) that's making me cry. I'd embed it here, but it seems wrong somehow; the ultimate in schadenfreude (enjoying another's pain, like in Jackass). Generally I'm not keen on German, but we just don't have an equivalent.

Post-move post

So, this the first time I've come to my blog without much in mind to write. So yes, I'm updating for the sake of it! Hooray! This is A Good Thing because it means that I feel obliged to update, which means I have READERS, yes it does boys and girls!

It's quite astonishing really. Lovely internet people, old school friends, people I work with (well, person I work with) and so on and so forth... and I've been getting interest in my poetry lately too! Ohyes, blogging is working for me.

So for those who don't know, I've been afk (Dave b: that means "away from keyboard", it's something we internet people say) for a few days due to moving house. But I'm back now, huzzah! And the people I'm living with now are utterly lovely, also huzzah!

So yes, I don't have anything utterly constructive to say. Take care, all, and I'll be back with some blinding insight into something-or-other soon enough.