Cutting corners

It feels later than it is, because everybody I know went to bed hours ago. I'm not tired yet. I want to email somebody, but I can't think of a thing to say...

I don't want to go on MSN because it feels like I have the same 3 conversations with 100 different people. I feel worn thin, as if I've repeated who I am to so many people that there's no rarity value in knowing me. That's a strangely lonely feeling.

There are too many people on my contact list, and so few I can talk to.

I wish I could start again. Keep the important people, and lose the worthless 80% of my memory. How much junk we carry around our heads! How many useless relationships that never went anywhere!

It isn't like that for everyone. When I was a child, I was told that loving people is like cutting the corner off a piece of paper and giving it to them. They get three corners, and you go from four to five... That's true for some people. The more they give of themselves, the more self they have. Not me. I'm like a wounded computer game character. I'm standing and fighting, but an inch away from needing to start on my next life. The paper gets smaller.

I don't mean to sound excessively emo.

I AM NOT ONE OF THESE.
I'm fine really; optimistic, hopeful. I just get lonely sometimes. Not nearly as often as I used to, but sometimes.

For your company, such as it is, I thank you.