"Today I accidentally let a meth addict use my ukulele as an ashtray."

Fairly self-explanatory? No? Ok, apparently this one needs further elaboration.

Jenny Lawson, wonderful and strange, offered a copy of her book to a random commenter on her blog. "What should you comment about?  Anything.  Your favorite toe.  The pet names of your body parts.  How many glass eyeballs you think a normal person uses in a lifetime.  The number of bodies you can fit under your bed.  It’s totally up to you," she said, and so...

I was showing a friend around Cardiff yesterday. She's recently moved to this fair city, and I wanted to show her everything exciting and good that it has to offer. We swung by the Cardiff Fashion Quarter to introduce her to my lovely and talented friend Laura Pickering, who recommended that we wander around Bute Park, seeing as how it was such a lovely day.

It was such a lovely day, guys.

At some point, I got my ukulele out in a quiet area and started strumming one of the few I know by heart. A woman approached us. Now, I'm woefully naive at the best of times, but even I know that someone who's walking unsteadily, missing teeth, and alarmingly thin is either an addict or a zombie. (From that perspective, this story could have gone far worse for me.)

She opened with "You can't play." I smiled politely and said something self-deprecating, probably "I know I'm not very good, but -"
"Let me have a go."
So, I took a gamble, thinking she'd take refusal as an insult and hoping that she'd get bored fairly quickly. Above all, I hoped she didn't smash it. (Spoilers: if she'd smashed it, I wouldn't be writing this - I'd be cackling madly on the news while a man in a suit said "my client has no comment at this time" to the cameras.)

She twanged the A-string, pulling it out of tune, and shakily tapped her cigarette ash into the body of the uke.

Now, my friend, as she's pointed out to me, has lived in London and dealt with worse. God bless her, I don't know how she had the fortitude, but she stood straight away to ask for - and then take - my uke back. And she had to fight for it, too.

The woman struggled with her and called her a fat bitch a few times, while my friend said "would you please leave us alone," politely but firmly. She eventually did walk off, and I went to a music shop to buy the uke some strings as an apology. I should have known better. I am sometimes, as I said, woefully naive.



So, that's that! I apologise for the long period of silence. I got scared away from my blog because of something I can't talk about, and in all honesty I only came back because this one was too long to tweet. But there it is, Tony. She left, everyone's fine, and my friend reassured me that I should forget about it, so I think I will.

Ukuleles and graffiti

My mum took me to see the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain! It was a lot of fun, they're probably the least serious orchestra out there (possibly tied with the Kazoo Funk Orchestra, I suppose). Here's an example of the sort of thing they do:



I also saw my first ever Banksy in the wild! It was this one; I couldn't get a photo as I was passing it on a bus, and it took me long enough to believe what I was seeing that there was no chance to get the camera out.

Luckily, I had a slightly more leisurely stroll down a road with some of the most exciting graffiti art I've ever seen. There were full pieces, reverse graffiti, even some yarnbombing!



More on my flickr, or on my facebook if you've got me there. But seriously HOW AMAZING are these... That last may become my motto.

About me

I've been reading The Hunger Games lately, along with half the book geeks in my life, it seems; and there's a part where the protagonist grounds herself in reality by reciting things she knows to be true about herself.

Well, thinking about it, I don't exactly have an About Me any more - not since changing my blog profile to this G+ thing - and since every other bio on the internet wants me to say everything in three lines, that means I can't really take my time over it.

So, I'll do it here. My blog, my rules! Haha!

About Me

• My name is Anna Fruen.
• I'm 24.
• I live in Cardiff, but grew up on the Isle of Wight, just off the south coast of England.
• I play the ukulele. Not because I'm good at it, but because it makes me happy.
• I write and perform poetry. Not because I'm good at it, but because I want to be understood.
• I just got a poem published for the first time! It's in this here kindle ebook, which costs only 299 British pennies.
• I'm terrified of the thought of going into space.
• I adore graffiti, and exploring to find it.
• I've recently gotten into urban exploration (wandering around abandoned sites and taking photos until a man with a flashlight asks you nicely to leave).
• I have a degree in English and Creative Writing.
• I don't have a job. I do want a job. Please give me a job.
• Those last two may be more related than I'd like.
• The first time I considered dying my hair purple, my best friends in the world tried to talk me out of it. They tried to steer me towards blonde.
• I still dye my hair purple sometimes.

I don't really know what else to say, other than thank you. The people who read my blog do it, so I'm assured, because they care about me. Even if that's only a little bit true, you care enough to read my words and that means the world. So thank you.

Here is a song I like.

Ukes, cats, comedy and a beard.

Tonight I played some Magic: the Gathering on a sticky pub table; then I went to my second Ukulele Night at Gwdihw, a Cardiff bar that I've otherwise never set foot in. The people were so friendly, and so interesting! I hope to join them for next month's jam session. I'll bring my lovely uke along and show them what little I can do.

Ukulele + cats = maybe heaven?

I've also been watching a documentary about Bill Hicks (this link is good for another 24 hours if you're in the UK). I've seen the occasional glimpse of him before - saying strange things about the nature of reality, or verbally abusing hecklers - and I've been too scared to hear him out, but I think I'm a different person these days. The past few years... I've experienced a lot more. I'm not claiming to be a better person than I was, but I understand him better now.

"I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night." - Bill Hicks

As requested, this post contains more kitty than my previous one, and a game about Scroobius Pip's beard that I think is absolutely fantastic. Give it a go!

Found no results for Scroobius Pip + cat. Nice going, so-called GOOGLE.

Feelings! Quick, squish 'em!

A lot has happened since my last post. I would have kept you more updated, but apparently this is the 90s and wireless internet isn't a thing yet.

Here are some things that happened!

I went to a new church for the first time in ages, with my ex. The service was very American Southern Baptist, understandably, since that's where the people are the front were from. I feel like I reconnected with God, although that's more to do with admitting my anger than with anything they were saying. Also there were assnapkins. Seriously! Little butt-hankies that they'd drape over people's posteriors when hey knelt down at the front of the church, to conceal any undergarments or bumcleave.

Anyway, that made me chuckle.

Also, I performed at my first ever Open Mic! (Well, second, but we don't talk about that.) I sang and played ukulele. he first two songs were a but shaky, but the third, my relyricking of the Cranberries' song Zombie, went down a treat! Hopefully, soon, a friend's going to lend me a videocamera so that I can get something up on youtube.

There are photos of the performance viewable here, courtesy of the very talented Rob May.

This weekend, I helped Rob out with a couple of photoshoots (standing in places with a reflecty thing! Huzzah!), and actually got a few pics taken of myself - I'm sure they'll be turning up soon, though I may well not tell you. Depends how bashful I'm feeling at the time!

It was my brother's 21st birthday yesterday. Apparently my parents forgot, but the pocketwatch I'd been so excited to give him arrived in the post on the right day, so yay for that.

I'm still around, my lovelies. Haven't gone anyway. Granted, I've been restricting my internet usage to sites accessible from my mobile phone, but comments are still read and appreciated! Much love x x

Nick Helm - He makes you look fat

Right, my oft-mentioned comedy addiction has led me, once again, to find an incredibly talented performer. Nick Helm, while initially a little abrasive (he's the shouty type), is very funny and musically great! This is the song that won me over to him, from his performance on Russell Howard's Good News:



So, me being me, I decided to try and play it on my ukulele. Turns out, it's a pretty simple song! Lyrics and chords below, because I couldn't find them anywhere else. Chords the same throughout.

E

I’ve seen your new boyfriend, he’s really good-looking

G

If he was a rent boy I’d probably book him

A

Not that I’m really into that stuff

E

I’m just saying, your boyfriend’s incredibly buff.

He’s got a really nice face, and really nice hair,

He’s really polite and he’s really aware

He’s got really nice teeth and a really nice tan

And he’s really relaxed when the shit hits the fan.

But he makes you look fat

He makes you look ugly like a man

He makes you look old just like his nan

Yeah he makes you look fat

He makes you look fat

He makes you look lardy round the arse

Don’t you know that he’s in a different class

Yeah he makes you look fat.

You two together, what’s wrong with this picture?

You need a man whose waistline will eclipse ya

You need a man who’s a little more shoddy

A gap in his teeth, and an imperfect body.

It’s nothing you’ve done, you just shot far too high

You get ignored while they give him the eye

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you’re fat,

It’s just anyone would look fat when they’re sat next to that.

He makes you look fat,

He makes you look ugly in the face

Don’t you know that you’re looking out of place?

Yeah he makes you look fat.

He makes you look fat

He makes you look fat, oh yes indeed

Don’t you know that he’s well out of your league?

He makes you look fat.

I’ve got a solution, you might like to try it

You won’t have to jog and you won’t have to diet

I’m sure you will see, to a certain degree,

How good-looking you’d be if you stood next to me.

I can make you look fit

I can make you look much fitter than him

Take a look at my saggy double chin

I can make you look fit.

I can make you look fit

I can make you look fit oh yes I can

Don’t you know that I am your ideal man?

I can make you look fit, fit, fit!

(Copyright Nick Helm, of course.)

Sex pirates

Sorry I haven't posted much lately; my life has divided into boring things, and things I can't tell you. So to summarise: My housemates are mental, my friends are geeky and awesome, my ukulele playing is coming along well (I've written a song!) and my self-esteem is fluctuating wildly. I'd also like it noted for posterity that I coined the term 'sex pirate.'

Here's a video for you, if geeky ladies are your type! The link is, as always, going up on the left.


Geek and Gamer Girls Song - Watch more Funny Videos

OH! Also,an awesome thing has happened. If you watch Felicia Day's web series "The Guild," you might be interested to know that I emailed Cheesybeard's restaurant and got a response! The conversation is included below.

to   cheesybeards@cheesybeards.info date   15 September 2010 00:55 subject   Hello!

Hi! I'm expecting auto-reply, but if there's a real person dealing with these: nice work. I do love an effective social media presence (and ARGs, for that matter). All the best!

Anna

from   CheesyBeards Restaurant to date   15 September 2010 16:51 subject   Re: Hello!

Auto-reply? YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE SET IT SO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THESE COMPLAINTS MANUALLY??? I wish I knew this before.

Thanks,
CheesyBeards Management
--
CheesyBeards
http://cheesybeards.info
http://twitter.com/cheesybeards
http://facebook.com/cheesybeards

Ducks, rabbits, and ukuleles.

I have a new ukulele!

Yesterday was good, if a little odd. I met up with my ex for sushi, and we went for a bit of a wander around the lake. It was beautifully sunny, with a touch of fog in the distance, and I took a second to count my blessings as we ate ice-creams and laughed at the ducks wearing dog masks.

(Nightmare warning: this is why they wear dog masks.)

Back at my house, I finally introduced him to Colin the Rabbit, who had a very happy half hour wandering around the garden before utterly refusing to return to his hutch. If you've ever wanted to know what complete loss of dignity looks like, I imagine it's me running around a small paved garden after a bunny who is outwitting me at every turn.

Later on, after a brief pubwards excursion with the girls I live with, we met up with a mutual friend who mentioned he was selling a ukulele. Now, the uke I've been learning on since my birthday last year is pretty much the cheapest model you can get - a red mahalo soprano - and I've been intending for a while to upgrade if I stuck with it (which I have). So, far be it from me to pass up on such a serendipitous happenstance just because I really, really shouldn't be spending money right now. The new uke is BEAUTIFUL. I'm not sure if it's a soprano or a concert; I suspect the latter but the guy I bought it from didn't know anything about ukuleles. Like, anything at all. It was tuned wrong.

Some friends came over and we sat in the garden. I could see the stars. I love that about our garden; I didn't expect to see stars in the city like this, but there they are, whenever the sky's clear. After disappearing inside the house to play with my new instrument a couple of times, my lovely friends and housemates badgered me into performing for them, which I duly did. Long story short: I have to play at an open mic night in two weeks. Aaaaah *flail!*

I apologise for the lack of updates recently; this particular post was prompted by the lovely SufficeBlog.