Ok, I'd like to say straight away that I don't believe in 'confession' through a priest. I don't think it's necessary. People can talk directly to God, but this post is going to serve as a bit of a confession for reasons I'll explain later.
I haven't been doing too well with the old religion thing. Um. It's completely my own fault; I haven't been reading my Bible, I've been cramming in prayer before I go to sleep (which is regularly after 3am), I've been skipping breakfast, all sorts of terrible things. The result of which is that I've been starving myself spiritually.
It's all very well asking for your daily bread, but when you're too weak to reach out and take it... I'm going to start praying for daily IV drip.
I woke up this morning desperate for grace. I went to church longing for something, whatever it is, hoping that maybe the problem would get sorted somehow.
But instead, INSTEAD I get a complete SOUL-BASHING from a 21st century PHARISEE. Ugh. Sorry, sorry, I know that's really strong, but I'm not exaggerating when I say that I cried through most of the sermon this morning. The speaker was telling us how some men are given the gift of teaching, and that if we really love God, we'll follow His laws. For someone who was already feeling low, that was all it took to reduce me to an emotional wreck. If I'd been feeling totally secure in my walk with God, maybe it would have made me feel very self-righteous - but that's not ideal either, really, is it.
I made a terrible congregation member after that. I kept muttering bad words under my breath, and had to actually stop myself from shouting out in disagreement when he asserted that "the Bible is sufficient". He's truly one of those who believe in the Father, the Son and the Holy Bible. I NEED Spirit.
One of the other cliches that gets thrown about sometimes is "All Spirit and no Word, you burn up, all Word and no Spirit, you dry up, Word and Spirit, you grow up." Well I'm all doctrined out. I know a lot about the theology. Now please, PLEASE, can I experience some of it for myself?
So as I said, with all this on my mind, getting through to God has been tricky. So you guys are going to have to be my confessional, if that's ok with you.
Hi, my name is Anna, and I'm a crap Christian.
Bear
Sunday, 18 February 2007
Confessional
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i come to comment in solidarity.
ReplyDeletemy name is sarah, and i am also a crap christian.
email address is sarahbrombley@hotmail.com. email me anna, maybe we can become long distance support for each other in our faiths coz its sounds like you're in a similar place to me.
*big hug* xxx
Come on Anna, ur not a crap Christian! Now i bet ur lookin @ this & thinkin "Y is she reading this" but me & mike r secret blog readers im afraid! From the comforts of my Winchester 'mansion' im always in touch with the fellow G4ians...sum way or anotha. Now this is my confession. Im a crap friend 7 a crap Christian. Sumtimes i put off reading the scriptures, thinkin 'ill do it later'...but later neva comes. Now im on the Island 9if it only b 4 a week) i think its time 2 stop the xcuses &get 2 business. Pray 4 help...He will answa. & whens ur nxt Catalyst meetin? I promisd i would go 2 1. xx
ReplyDeleteKERRY! Oooh fabuloso. Does Mika read my blog? Do any other G4ians have blogs? Intrigued...
ReplyDeleteYou could have been blogging my own experiences there. To the letter.
ReplyDeleteWow. It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one that feels like that. I don't read my Bible nearly enough and I know I've been lacking as a Christian. I know this blog was written a few years ago, but still. It's refreshing to know that someone else, somewhere has felt this way before. Would love to discuss this more! I'll probably end up blogging about the subject. Check it out by searching Lost Marbles on the website. Maybe you could help me out! :)
ReplyDeleteShelila, you'd be surprised, I think a lot of Christians feel this way sometimes! I'll definitely check out your site. Thanks for coming by. x
ReplyDelete