Feelings! Quick, squish 'em!

A lot has happened since my last post. I would have kept you more updated, but apparently this is the 90s and wireless internet isn't a thing yet.

Here are some things that happened!

I went to a new church for the first time in ages, with my ex. The service was very American Southern Baptist, understandably, since that's where the people are the front were from. I feel like I reconnected with God, although that's more to do with admitting my anger than with anything they were saying. Also there were assnapkins. Seriously! Little butt-hankies that they'd drape over people's posteriors when hey knelt down at the front of the church, to conceal any undergarments or bumcleave.

Anyway, that made me chuckle.

Also, I performed at my first ever Open Mic! (Well, second, but we don't talk about that.) I sang and played ukulele. he first two songs were a but shaky, but the third, my relyricking of the Cranberries' song Zombie, went down a treat! Hopefully, soon, a friend's going to lend me a videocamera so that I can get something up on youtube.

There are photos of the performance viewable here, courtesy of the very talented Rob May.

This weekend, I helped Rob out with a couple of photoshoots (standing in places with a reflecty thing! Huzzah!), and actually got a few pics taken of myself - I'm sure they'll be turning up soon, though I may well not tell you. Depends how bashful I'm feeling at the time!

It was my brother's 21st birthday yesterday. Apparently my parents forgot, but the pocketwatch I'd been so excited to give him arrived in the post on the right day, so yay for that.

I'm still around, my lovelies. Haven't gone anyway. Granted, I've been restricting my internet usage to sites accessible from my mobile phone, but comments are still read and appreciated! Much love x x

Godforce

The world is weird and wider than we think, this is undeniable. And I can't make head nor tail of it.

For instance, I've seen the world as crackling white energy that blazes like lightning matter broken down into all that it is: structure (order) and the other stuff, energy, the force, the spirit. I saw that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking full-on hallucinations, but I have a vivid imagination and it made sense to me because "in Him all things hold together." That's the stuff, the God-bond, that is in everything and everything is in Him. It made the world more magical and I was happy with that.

And that's us, too, sparkling brighter than the roads we walk on, full of more lightning than the seats we sit on and the beds we lie on, and why is that?

Or so I thought, back in the day, before things got a little more 'complicated' (which means boring and grey as everyone knows; it's what adults tell children when what they mean is that they got old and things stopped making sense. "Things are a little more complicated than that"). It's easy to convince yourself that you let your mind run away with you. It's really easy.

But then, well then something unexpected happened. On Monday night. A party, all dressed up as animals, I a cat of course; not the setting for a spiritual revelation but then isn't that always the way? And I remembered a poem, and asked for a notebook, and then... well then...

Do you remember I told you about a poetry Open Mic night? And how there was one guy - one poem - that snapped me to attention and made me wonder if he might live in the same world I've lost? It talks about "throwing the rocks Jesus told me not to," and there's a sensation of rain on pavement and part of it - part of the poem, it talks about seeing everything as bright white crackling energy, electricity, and I had forgotten he said those things.

But there they were, in the notebook, and I asked him about it. Yes, he's seen it, he's seen white-hot electricity in everything. And then he mentioned archetypes and I smiled and he mentioned Jung and I sighed and I nudged him back towards Ben, because those two could talk forever (Ben loves Jung, the collective unconscious and all that jazz) and it wasn't the time for a conversation about Godforce and spirit stuff.

But now I feel a little bit less delusional and a little bit more sure of the thing you can't be sure of - that someone is in charge of this mess; someone is in control. And in us.

Present

I know I ought to write something here, but I can't for the life of me think what. Um. How are you? I'm good.

I've had a very traditional Christmas with my family, received some lovely gifts including a Bill Bailey DVD and the first season of Being Erica (delighted), seen the Tron sequel in 3D twice (veh good), and done precious little of the catching-up-with-friends that I was so looking forward to. And not through lack of lack of trying. I really didn't try at all, I'm not sure why; it's just that when I got here, it didn't seem awfully important. Anyway, I spent a lot of time with my family and got to see my oldest friend a couple of times, so I'm happy.

This is my current favourite video. It makes me gleeful; I hope it does the same for you.



Welcome to 2011, by the way! I think it's safe to say that this will go down in history as the year after 2010.