Two-oh-one-two

There is a plastic cup in my room. It is on the windowsill, catching drips. What these drips are doing in my room is anybody's guess; although the letting agency, before pawning our house off on another agency, got as far as deciding that it might be the guttering.

Yes, well done. It might.

I suppose it's damp, then, that's turning my wallpaper a mottled pattern of bleached and black in that corner, despite the best efforts of a dehumidifier my housemate's relatives have kindly lent us.

It makes me feel a rush of hopelessness whenever I pull soomething from my wardrobe and smell, or see, that it is going moldy. I can't afford to replace anything. Or pay my rent, actually, let alone cover bills and food. It's a miracle that I'm limping along as I am, despite sort of having two jobs (I have had no shifts at the first job in two months, and the second is unpaid(ish) for now).

My new year's eve was uneventful. I've been nocturnal and listless for a couple of weeks, and that meant I had no resolve to fight my unfortunate tendency to hide from parties. If I'm invited to one, I'll generally go, but if I'm invited to five on the same night, you can bet good money I'll be at home, in my room, by myself.
As was in fact the case.
It got bad.
I went on omegle.

All of this, basically, is my attempt at complete and brutal honesty. Some of you seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that I'm interesting, or even "awesome." Well I'm not. But you know what? I have been. And I can be. And, goddamnit, I will be. One way or another, I'll shift gears and change from someone who is surviving into someone who is thriving. I don't know if that means I'll be getting more money in (though, Lord knows, I do hope so), but at the very least I'll be living the way I want to. Trying new things, working on my meagre skills, playing to my strengths and the like.

At least I've been writing a lot of poetry in the last month. I was looking for one I could share with you, but I seem to have started dozens and not finished any, so you might have to wait. Or check out my idlescribe tumblr, that's an option too...

I was looking for blogs to recommend to you, ones that count as an inspiration, but my google reader seems to have had a panic attack and dropped all its proverbial biscuits, so I'll get back to you on that one.

Much love, y'all.

Present

I know I ought to write something here, but I can't for the life of me think what. Um. How are you? I'm good.

I've had a very traditional Christmas with my family, received some lovely gifts including a Bill Bailey DVD and the first season of Being Erica (delighted), seen the Tron sequel in 3D twice (veh good), and done precious little of the catching-up-with-friends that I was so looking forward to. And not through lack of lack of trying. I really didn't try at all, I'm not sure why; it's just that when I got here, it didn't seem awfully important. Anyway, I spent a lot of time with my family and got to see my oldest friend a couple of times, so I'm happy.

This is my current favourite video. It makes me gleeful; I hope it does the same for you.



Welcome to 2011, by the way! I think it's safe to say that this will go down in history as the year after 2010.

a burning thing

Earlier today, my dad was struggling to get the fire lit. He'd finally given up on it when I, never one to back away from a burny challenge, stepped up. "Don't worry, father!" I cried, cape possibly billowing behind me. "I'll take care of this!"

So, I knelt, and I poked, and I crumpled, and I blew, but the flame kept giving up. The twigs just weren't that enthusiastic about it all, and the paper - while enthusiastic - didn't have much in the way of stamina.

After some time (I don't know how long, time flies when you're setting light to things), I began to lose hope. That dying flame reminded me of so much about myself. Fire has long been a metaphor for spirituality, for me in particular (partly due to reading these wonderful books as a child), so to kneel there and watch it try and die over and over again was really quite depressing.

So I did something I don't often do these days: I prayed. Praying was the first thing I did to see in 2010 (the second being a massive balloon fight), as I'd wanted to see the new year in properly; so, being off to a good start, I thought I'd continue the trend. "God," I thought, "you know how hard I've tried to get set alight again - well I'm going to leave it to you now. Please make it burn." I sat and watched as the flame licked the wood, making paper die and twigs glow, but as the glow got softer and colder, I gradually gave up hope. I left. I didn't want to see that last spark go out, not after such a good start to the year.

A couple of hours later, as I wandered through to the kitchen to help dad with dinner, I saw that there was a roaring fire going. "Oh, you got it lit in the end" I said.

"No, you did!" he replied. Apparently after I'd given up and left, the fire had kept burning. It had taken hold.

It's going to be a good year.

Recovering from Christmas

Christmas was wonderful! Gavin got on GREAT with my family, made friends for life in my younger siblings, made a great impression and so forth. I loved getting to know his friends and family; his parents gave me an utterly gorgeous scarf that I've fallen in love with. It's soft and purple and has spangly bits! Success!



This is Gavin and his mate John wearing their stylish yet practical rain ponchos. I was offered one, but unwisely decided that it wasn't worth the embarrassment. I arrived at the pub absolutely drenched, and it's therefore most likely my fault that everyone in the world has a cold. *coughs pathetically*

It was wonderful though, I got to see my boy's old school. We saw I Am Legend at the cinema (very good), and the Darjeeling Limited (also very good).

New year's was similarly splendid, had a great time in Cardiff, aside from the, you know, DYING. I feel terrible for making my boy ill, but there you go, it was preferable to isolating me in a germ-proof bubble! That would have been lame.

This is what I bought him for Christmas - a t-qualizer, they're called. Very ace indeed!
As for what he got me... that deserves its own entry. I'll tell you later, if you're good.

I'm now back home with my family for a few days to recover from the festive season.

I hope you've all had a wonderful time with your loved ones, sorry I've been so terrible at updating! Must try harder.

Happy New Year, apparently!

Oh my. I've put a video on YouTube. That is SO much scarier than blogging, because here a) I have complete control over what I say and how I say it, b) it doesn't matter how I look, and c) I'm pretty sure people don't actually read this, whereas people do watch videos on youtube. So, I'm nervous.

Still, to the important part. Happy New Year. I hope 2007 is as good for you as 2006 has been for me! Here's to returning to routine and a healthy lifestyle. My sleep patterns have gone to pot, many nights I don't get to sleep until about 5. AM. I know... so, of course, I'm not waking up until 2pm... oh dear.

As you probably haven't noticed, I've put hit counters at the top of my blogs, and I've put links to them in my signature on the boh3m3.net forum. Chances are, if you're reading this, that's how you got here.

Because it's difficult to get exposure, you know? I refuse to spam people with the link (not often, anyway), so I just leave links in key places, so if anyone's actually interested in me, they can find it. The one glitch in the plan is that nobody seems to be interested. Maybe they will be if this YouTube thing takes off, who knows... it can be so unpredictable!

I'd like to say I don't care, but I do. I'm doing this because I'm interested in people, and so far my internet experience has been sad and pariah-like, with me feeding off their lives. Here's hoping interactivity is on the cards.

Ooh, I just noticed that "on the cards" is a reference to tarot. Sorry. There's the linguist in me again! I'm odd that way.