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Wednesday 1 April 2009

Awkwardness and Clones

Imagine a house full of animals. They don't know which of their housemates are predators and which are prey. The only possible way to survive is to hide from all of them, and to show no fear in the event of an encounter. If it sounds like a terrible reality TV show, I understand. But the fact is, this is sort of what my life has been like lately...

Since moving into this house last summer, my housemates and I haven't really... gelled. I like them, but we don't talk much, and it's led to this peculiarly uncomfortable situation...

Maybe I can explain better.

On the rare occasions that I leave my room, I don't expect to see anybody else. I avoid the communal areas as much possible, and they do the same. As a result, whenever one of us sees another, there's a brief moment of paralysed terror, like a rabbit in headlights. I try to get over it as quickly as I can, squeaking out a quick "hi" sound before they can realise that I was utterly stunned to see somebody else in my house.

(It's not like I'm not fully aware that I'm living with six other people. Intellectually, I know this to be true. It's just that when confronted with another person, I instantly want to run and hide in my room.)

I know it's not just me, either. I know because, occasionally, I'll hear a click of someone's bedroom door opening as I walk to one of the bathrooms, but I won't hear footsteps until I'm safely hidden away.

To be frank, explaining it now, it sounds ridiculous. I know it's ridiculous. Several times I've been tempted to say "It's ok, I know you're there and you know I'm here, let's all just stop this charade!" but I don't. I don't because doing so would mean admitting that I've been playing this ridiculous game for eight months.

It's as if the Emperor has been strutting around naked for so long, that to admit to feeling the wind in his nethers is simply unthinkable. No, he must simply soldier on, and hope that he dies before anybody points out his nudity.

And, taking a leaf from the venerable Emperor's book, I am moving out in a few months anyway. Best to just pretend nothing unusual is going on. Best to keep my head down, and forage for food under cover of darkness.

Y'know, I'm so glad I never told any of them about this blog... If you don't hear from me again, one of them found this, and I killed either them or myself or both. It would be the only honourable way out.

In other news, I recently got sent some photos a friend and I took months ago... lookit! It's me, and me, and me!

Anna clones

20 comments:

  1. If that's Photoshop I am very very jealous, its better than i can do and i've spent the last five years on graphics courses!

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  2. It is indeed, my mate Ross did it using the magic selection tool... sadly Photoshop elements doesn't have it!

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  3. The only way to be absolutely sure that your housemates exist is to lay traps. Once you've caught one of them in a rudimentary snare calm them with a mild sedative, and fit a small electronic tag to their ankles. As well as being able to confirm the existence of these housemates, you'll also be able to track their migratory habits, and maybe even find the nesting ground.

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  4. I usually prefer avoidance as well. hahahaha!

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  5. people...can't live wiyh them....can't live without. but without is clearly better. good luck on your next move, jack c

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  6. to begin with..the photograph is super cool....and trust me i knw wht u'r taking about...and i knw how uncomfortable tht can get sometimes...and having to confront people u never want to confront..it can't get worse than that...so clearly avoidance is the way to go...

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  7. I knew that when I mispronounced "send in the clowns" during a gig once, it'd have serious repercussions some day...

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  8. I can not believe you've been living like this for 8 months. How hideous for you - and that they don't know about your blog (probably a good thing actually) - told all my friends and family and now I can't bitch about them...Had my Mum to stay for a week and got writer's block cos I couldn't write what I really wanted to! Anyway, move house asap and find some people you like... will be much better for your sanity.

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  9. MT, I completely understand. There's been times I wish I hadn't told anybody, but really I want them to know. I'm proud of this blog.

    But yeah, I'm hoping that I get on better with the next lot...

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  10. This is very very awkward.

    By the way,nice writing =)

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  11. I've lived in a house with other roomies...and trust me, I too heard the click of their door and remained in my room until I heard them return.

    Made me laugh cause it was like deers in headlights. I felt awkward because none of my roomies spoke English.

    Thanks for the post.

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  12. Okay, cool photoshop picture! As for roomies, have you considered having a party at your house and inviting them? I mean, just a party with you and them. Buy some drinks, snacks and post little notes on their doors or on the front of the fridge and say, "Hey let's get together and get to know each other a little better, I have drinks and snacks to share". I've only been following your blog for a short while, however, you seem pretty open and gregarious, I just doesn't seem like you to not have already made friends with them. (Just an outside observation)

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  13. Open Heart, I did something pretty similar on my birthday actually, and it was good fun... but it just didn't take! And by this point, it kinda feels to late to make any drastic changes. Ah well.

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  14. I have never heard such a bad housemate story in my life. That is such a cold situation. I have such great memories from sharing a house, back in my single days. The front room was full of hockey equipment, and golf clubs. The TV was on top of a welding crate. There were always people dropping in. The only thing in the fridge was beer. Empty pizza boxes littered the house. You need to move!

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  15. same problem here, but my house-maid is constantly on a run knowing i cud catch her at any odd chance !

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  16. WOW, you live with 6 other's && you all barely see each other!? Crazy. I guess that can be a good thing!

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  17. he hee!;) just as i was reading along, i thought to myself, ok Anna doesnt really gel with her housemates and she takes a monumental risk of saying it on the web, what if they read it? but u know what its a small world... guess u better start thinking how ur going out or how ur going to take them out! he hee! ciao.

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  18. See, I'm also banking on the fact that IF they find this, they won't confront me about it... hehehe. Except one of them, who shall go unnamed, and is an absolutely lovely girl. She's the only exception to the rule, and although we don't hang out much, I know far more about her than any of the others.

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  19. Hehe! Those clones are awesome...hang on, which one have I been talking to then?!

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