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Friday, 13 August 2010

Single again

One day, when I'm old, I'll look back and say "Ah yes, 2010, what a beautiful summer that was" and I'll have forgotten (or, not forgotten, but ceased to mind) everything that came with it.

Gavin and I broke up this summer after three years together. If you've been reading this blog for a long time, you'll know that he was my first love. First boyfriend, even; first kiss come to that. So the past 7ish weeks have been extremely difficult for me. I've been trying to sort it all out in my head, you know. Where I went wrong. Whether breaking up was the right choice. I only feel able to talk about it now because I met up with Gavin today, and we talked for the first time in over a month.

We still love each other, that's the kicker. But things must be the way they are, and fighting it because it hurts won't help matters. We're apart now. That's the bottom line.

A few guys have been expressing an interest since they found out I was single. Usually when I complain about this, I preface it with "I know it sounds ungrateful, but..." But not here. No, here, I'm going to be completely honest: I feel hunted. I wish they would take no for an answer; I wish they would pick up on my clues (hint: baggy jumper + no makeup = I do not want to be found attractive today thank you); and crucially - CRUCIALLY - I wish I could just forget all about that sort of thing for a while. I mean it; I am really not looking for anyone. At all. Whatsoever.

Aaaanyway... so, yes, we returned to me, didn't we. Sorry about that. At least I can stop saying "there's something I want to write about" now, because this was it.

ANYWAY, to compensate in some small way for this negative post, have a Cracked article! (Spoiler: it's even more depressing.) 6 scientific reasons breakups suck worse than you think.


  1. Well, it seems a shame you broke up. You and Gav were together when I first met you - and you impressed me as a couple - being very supportive of each other.
    For what it's worth, I think you're wise to not be too available. Just look after yourself my friend.

  2. 2010 is the year of sucky breakups. I decided this back in March when virtually everyone I knew - myself included - went through one. Since then even the rare celebrities we thought were immune from divorce (Dawn French and Kate Winslet) have broken up {not with each other}. I was less shocked about Charlotte Church but that blows too as they had kids.

    Speaking as someone who has travelled slightly further down Breakup Ave. than you, as I had a head start of about six months, I can tell you a lot of predictable crap you probably suspected already: it will get easier, but that doesn't mean it'll get easy. There is a real advantage to breaking up as a result of the other person being an asshole because then you have a legitimate reason to feel good about the breakup; the trouble when two really nice people, who DO work well together, decide to part ways is the horrible nagging doubt which lingers in the pit of your stomach.

    Time apart helps, as does looking to the future and reminding yourself of the reasons you made the decision to break up in the first place. But the most important thing to remember is that we have your back (including Gav). Don't do the whole stiff-upper-lip thing. You'll feel a heck of a lot better for giving in, having the odd tantrum, getting crazy drunk and eating gallons of expensive ice cream. Anyone who judges you for the above behaviour is a noop and is to be ignored at all costs.

    *Hugs you*

  3. Man, it sucks. And it's weird and strange and never 100% certain. But you'll be okay and you know, it probably was the right thing to do, because it clearly wasn't the easiest.

    Hope things get better.

  4. If you want to talk, you know where I am. Sort of.

  5. Sad face sad face sad face.

    It sucks.

    And you know that I know that.

    And I shouldn't have read that article. It's ridiculously true. Especially the bit about being poorer. Sucks to be me.


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