Hello! Hi! How d'you do! Sorry, sorry, I'm over-excitable, I know; I'm just so excited to meet you! I know, I know; it isn't technically the first time we've met. But, you see, I don't think I gave you due attention last time. You know how it is, I was busy, or tired, or a little self-involved. I apologise. The thing is, I've since realised - I've been thinking, you see, and you're actually rather fascinating.
Don't feel fascinating today? That's okay, we all have our off days, but there's a lot more to you than people realise, isn't there. Other people might say that the things you come out with are 'random', but I am drawn in, curious about what and how you think. Sometimes I watch the cogs turning when you think nobody's watching you. It amazes me, the things you notice! Things nobody else sees, things I could have missed.
Is it any surprise, then, that I want to know more about you? Sorry, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. I realise I didn't give much warning. And it's hardly common for people to... well, express such an interest. But all this was necessary, you see; absolutely necessary; because I'm after something very specific. I'm after an honest answer. They're not easy to provoke at the best of times, and the question I'm about to ask probably elicits more lies than any other. But now that you know I'm in earnest, how about trying to lower the defenses when I ask you?
So... how are you doing?
Bear
Friday, 6 August 2010
Dear anyone in particular:
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I'm fine...
ReplyDeleteYeah! no.
Currently I'm preoccupied with thoughts beyond my control. I watched Deep Impact last night, and the idea of an ELE (Extinction Level Event) fascinates me. I can't help but secretly crave the idea. Not just from a personal point of view, a means to an end, but I wonder about the peace and resolution it would create throughout humanity. Imagine six billion people confronted with their own mortality.
Have we evolved compassion enough to accept this mortality as an inevitable? Or would mass panic ensue, a reversion to our primitive brains, totally focussed on survival at the expense of other organisms?
I think I would welcome an ELE with open arms. I observe people: it would be an immense field of view, don't'cha think?
Oh Anna. How sweet of you. I'm ok. I mean I'm okaaaay... Excited too; to engage in such a way and to be asked so genuinely! If my house renovation completes in the next 3 weeks as per (postponed deadline) planned, I'll be fine. No more living amongst tools, dust, workmen and chaos in a building site, and instead a chance to focus and get my life back. If not, I may be the other side of ok. Ko. Knocked out and caved in. But for now, here's hoping, having everything crossed...that's not going to happen. How's you? X
ReplyDeleteOFRT, it's a fascinating thing to think about isn't it! A friend lent me Steven King's "The Stand" a while ago; it's about a plague that wipes out 99% of humanity. Imagine if you were in that situation. suddenly, every single person you saw would be a big deal. They could be an ally or an enemy and it really, REALLY matters which! It just makes it stranger to think of the hundreds of people we see every day without ever really noticing them.
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen Deep Impact in a very long time; is it good? Might have to dig it out again.
Liz, chaos? Yeah, I can see from your blog! I've never undertaken such huge renovation thingy before, it must be SO stressful :\ Even the little bits of redecoration I've done have shown me how much it can interfere with your life. I hope you're taking time to relax out of the house!
I'm doing ok, although quite frustrated with one particular issue in my life. I really want to write about it, but I need to talk to the other person concerned first... it's only fair. I'm also quite tired; it was a friend's birthday party last night and everyone came back to mine when the pub closed. We were up until gone 6am; it was a lot of fun!
Thanks for your answers, guys, I love hearing what you're up to :) x
"How are you doing?"
ReplyDeleteWell, I would usually answer that with ok. But as you said, that would be a lie. On the flip side, I could type out a whole ream of text that would probably take a while to read...so I'll aim for something in between.
I kinda feel average at the moment - I had a lot of sleep last night (in other words, I caught up on some sleep that was very much needed), so I have actually felt awake today. Getting up at 6.15am five days a week is horrible. I shouldn't complain though, lots of people do it and they have been doing it for far longer that I have.
Anyway, I have a job...for now. 3 months of the contract left, and then back to square one? I don't know. I do know that I will have picked up some very useful skills along the way, but where do I go next? I guess I'm feeling a little lost again and confused - doors that had been closed have now been opened again. Why? I thought I had resolved them with God in one of my lengthy conversations I had with Him one night (I don't know why I talk to God the most then - people pop into my mind at that time of the night and I end out praying for them...that's a whole different story).
Yeah, so, erm, I've lost my train of thought and the capacity to spell and create a coherent sentence.
Ah, yes. That then leads me on to the future and what it holds for me. Yes, where will I be, what will I be doing? What is the point of my life? No, I know the answer to that one and I'm not leaving any time soon - God has exciting plans for me here on this planet and in my short speck of a life. He also has exciting plans for you too Anna, and you, and whoever else may be reading this.
However, I don't know of these plans, so I feel like I'm left in the dark. And then I think - I can read God's exciting plans and his amazing love...it's in a book (well, several actually). So why don't I read it? Now there's a good question. ...I don't really have an answer to that one, other than; I don't know. (I think that was improper use of a semi-colon, I'm not sure, I'm a little sleepy now) I long to engage with God more - I hope to at Soul Survivor.
So, there we go. I could dive into other areas, but I think I have typed enough. I have also realised that I have opened myself up to a whole host of questions by saying that I believe in God, but hey, it's all good fun.
May I return the question?
How are you doing? Seriously, how are you really doing?
JC
Me, I've been having ups and downs. Right now, I'm tentatively hoping that I am on the edge of an up, am pretty sure I might be on an up... but am a little afraid to hope in case I'm wrong. I've got another week's holiday from work, which can only be a good thing: it means I've reached Saturday night without suffering Sunday-night-itis, which on a normal week can begin as early as Friday night.
ReplyDeleteZoiks! You really go for the tough questions. "How are you doing?" has become such a throw-away question, a social must in which the answer is irrelevant. The number of times I've been asked that and watched the asker's eyes glaze over before I've even opened my mouth to respond beggars belief.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you really want to know? ...Okay.
Honestly though, I've been better. I'm struggling with a great deal of stuff, which isn't in itself unusual, but feeling particularly alone into the bargain which doesn't help.
My blogging inspiration has dried up completely. I was hoping that over my break as I became more rested it would return and I could get some writing done but so far, nothing.
I'm going flying on Sunday, weather permitting, which is great even though I can't really afford it.
And that's as far as I can go at the mo. Thanks for opportunity to say even that.
"I'm good, thanks!"
ReplyDeleteWell, today I really am good, though tomorrow I might be a stressed miserable whatsit. That's how it works at the moment... One day I love my jobs, and think I'd be quite happy getting a little flat here with Island Becky, and the next day I desperately want a new job, and to move back to Surrey and get a flat with Mainland Beckie. This is a tough one for someone who can't make decisions!
Jedwards xx
Heya Phil! Yeah, 'how are you' is a lot trickier when we don't just do call and response. Thank you for responding honestly (or as honestly as can be expected in a public comments section!).
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you've been feeling alone. Believe me, I know how that goes. Have you got a good group of friends around you? They may not be the solution to your problem, but they can ease the difficulty.
Maybe we should come up with a project or something, some way to have a regular subject for oour blogs. Like some people do art based on twitter trending topics. Something like that.
Never mind money, we don't get to keep it in the long run anyway, but FLYING? You lucky sod! I've had flying dreams since I was 5. What kind of flying?
Feel free to talk to me about stuff, sunshine. I like you, and I'm glad you found me. The internet's a big place; I'm lucky to have likeminded people floating around it.
A x
How nice of you to ask, it's nice to hear that as something more than a different word for "hello".
ReplyDeleteI am... exhausted?
Yes, why not.
Literally and mentally. Things have been tough. Real tough. Despite my ability to post blog comments that rival the blog for wordcount, I'll at least attempt to be more concise because it can all be seen in excruciating detail by clicking my name.
In short, I have had to test the limits of what I can handle. My father is in hospital, he has been for six weeks, and for a while there the deterioration and lack of answers made things look bleak to the helpless party left an hour away from the hospital.
It's affected my diabetes ( I was diagnosed in February), as stress can also cause blood sugar levels to drop, and I have learnt what a rollercoaster ride of sudden shakes and concentration loss that can be.
But today is a positive - if still exhausting - day. Things have been positive for a few days now, and he may well be home before the end of the month. Now the pain and the pneumonia has cleared, he has become more like himself. He laughs and jokes. He can stand faster and sit without falling. He has accepted that he will have to take medication every day to survive (and perhaps my own condition can help me help him deal with this)
There are going to be more tough days ahead; he lost a lot of mobility being in bed or a chair most of the day for six weeks, and I will have to keep close by for most of the day for the first few weeks at least while he gets his strength back, and I'm exhausted today from moving his bedroom into the study as he won't be able to climb stairs.
I'm afraid, that's how I'm doing. Perhaps that's that's how I'm really doing.
Afraid of how he'll cope being enfeebled when he has lived his life continually being told he has the heart/health/energy of a man ten years younger, and whether I'll be able to soothe those fears and the damages his condition will do to his pride and dignity. He is afraid, and that's what scares me, because as my father he is of course superman. He's putting on a brave face, though, a face that says "I'm okay" when asked "how are you doing?"
Did I say 'in short' back there? Whoops.
What I meant is that I can say that I'm doing okay. That - today - I really am.
There have been days spent with eyes watering up at anything and nothing, days spent in a rage throwing objects around an empty house and days spent staring at walls feeling utterly blank.
There will likely be many more of these days to come.
But today really isn't one of those days.
Thanks Anna :)
ReplyDelete