Farmville

Look, it's not my fault ok?

I am suitably ashamed of myself.

Let me explain from the beginning.

I'm much more into twitter than facebook, so some trends just pass me by. Farmville was one of these. I was aware of its existence, and vaguely knew what it was - a rubbish, farming-related version of the Sims - but I had absolutely no interest in it. Rightly so. ('Scuse me, I need to collect the eggs.) But a couple of months ago, all that changed forever...

My friend Helen from university is great. She's fun, intelligent, and aside from a bizarre love for Twilight (more about that another time), she's got great taste; so when she and I went to the library to 'work' - i.e. check facebook and twitter respectively - I was intrigued by seeing her play Farmville.

The colours were so bright, and the simple pleasure of clicking on cartoonish shapes to make them do things appealed to me. It still does, in fact. It's the middle of winter; I'll take colour where I can get it. So, I gave it a go. Purely for research purposes, or so I told myself - I'd find out what all the fuss is about, then move on to worthier pastures. (Just a sec, I'm planting artichokes.) I made my own little farm, two squares by two. I planted and sowed and harvested, bought and sold and milked; eventually reaching the point where I could only progress by adding people as neighbours.

I looked at the list of my facebook friends with farms, and in that moment, some final shred of dignity flailed, coughed, and gave up entirely. I added them. That was weeks ago now, and my little farm is prospering with the help of people I haven't spoken to in years. My news feed is an endless list of my 'achievements', requests and demands, all automatically generated by the game. I can only imagine how annoying that must be! (Excuse me, I just need to go harvest my wheat.)

Some people might think that it's too time-absorbing, but I don't find that- (hang on, my cow needs milking.)

I don't think that it- (Ooh! My apple tree's ripe)

It's not- (Hold on while I fertilize someone's peppers)

(Wait -

Facebook Suicide

I'm sure you've heard it before. The bitter, jaded rants from those who have tried facebook - or those who haven't, and don't intend to, thankyouverymuch. I'm sure my reasons for tearing down the wall are common to many others, but nonetheless I thought I'd share the reasons why I jumped on the noncomformist bandwagon.*

1. It is just like myspace. No, don't protest. I know you've turned 18 now, and thus rejected the colourful background and musical / glittery baggage of MySpace or (heaven help us) Bebo, but it's the old game in a new dress.**
2. The temptation to go facebook-stalking proved to be just too much for me sometimes. As the old saying goes, "What has been seen cannot be unseen" - and now that includes seeing my good friends in wedding gowns and fairy dresses, which might have been less aberrant had they bothered to shave the beards off.
3. The useless apps drive me to distraction! I know the worst facebook plagues - the zombies, pirates, vampires - have passed. I am no longer asked why I'm "walking everywhere on facebook," which let me tell you is a blessed relief because it made ABSOLUTELY NO BLEEDIN' SENSE. But every day there's a new quiz to ascertain which member of the Hungarian royal family I am. Or someone sends me seeds to start my own facebook cabbage patch. Or I'm invited to a group proposing that we enforce old ladies to wear green hats. NO, NO, and NO.
4. My 'friends' are not my friends. Some of them never spoke to me once at school. Some of them, I honestly don't remember at all, leading to much embarrassment on my part when I give the 'how do you know this person' details a try. I considered going through and deleting the not-really-friends one by one, but I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and quite honestly my friend-friends can contact me anyway.
5. In fact, anyone can contact me anyway, given a bit of effort. If they can't be bothered to put the effort in, maybe I'm not that fussed about seeing them! Think of it like a captcha requirement on a blog post. It cuts down the noise-to-signal ratio.
6. I miss getting emails. Don't you miss getting emails? Not subscriptions, or spam mail, or notifications, but honest to goodness emails from a person who wants to say things to you. Those were the days...
7. Privacy concerns. Amidst all the hubbub about the Government storing and accessing my information, it seems like as good a time as any to bow out. So that's what I've done.

Has anyone else killed off a social networking profile? I recently put a bullet in my myspace, and I let bebo drift into the dark long ago, but facebook was the hardest cord to cut by a long shot.

*Oxymoron? WHY YES!
**Mixing metaphors for your pleasure.

Music and free food

I tell ya what, you don't realise just how many friends you have until you have to click "ignore all invites from this friend" for each one of them.

I've been meaning to recommend this site to you all for days. Musicovery is a remote control that will introduce you to new music, similar to Pandora (which is sadly no longer available to us UK types). It's good fun and I've been finding old favourites and new favourites for the past few days. Have a look!

Also, I just searched my blog, and remember I told you guys about Free Rice? (It's a vocabulary game where, for every word you get right, 20 grains of rice are donated to the UN World Food Programme to feed the hungry. It's funded by the adverts - utter genius.) Well I just discovered Free Flour - same idea, different charity, and instead of word definitions it's general knowledge questions. Spend five minutes today feeding the hungry!

Small Talk

I'd like to tell you, my wonderful readers, about a little event that took place two - well, three if you want to be picky - days ago.

Picture the scene, if you will. The man I love is hanging out with some of his friends, people I like and admire very much, when suddenly the theme tune of a 90s quiz show comes on. Small Talk. The concept behind the game is that adults have to guess how colossally stupid any one of 9 opinionated, extroverted children are. My beloved volunteers the information that I was on this programme as a child, and that I am still very much traumatised by it. At that very moment, the jolly announcer chappy introduces Annaaaaaa! And there I was, waving at the camera, no doubt smiling a goofy little smile. Or possibly just looking smug.

He called me at that point to inform me of my reappearance on television. My response was (but of course) the epitome of maturity - I believe it was something like "NO SHUP I HATE YOU!" and then hanging up. Smooth, me. I then sat down in my living room, head in my hands, and - dear God, why - telling my housemate.

So, yes. we watched it. She found it hysterical, accurately describing the situation on the phone as "my housemate's on TV, it's hilarious, she's absolutely hating it!" We watched as the contestants called on me time after time, confident in my knowledge and wisdom, which my 8-year old self was only too glad to impart. We watched my thoughtful little face, listened to my posh (and higher than I remembered) voice, as I described hammocks, humiliated a classmate, and denounced war as "a bad thing". Way to go, little me.

I was hiding behind a cushion for most of it, emerging only for the half time pep talk from my love. Apparently all his friends thought it was very amusing, and possibly even something to be proud of!

Proud of? Hmm. Novel idea.

Another phone call at the end of the show had the rather strange effect of actually convincing me that maybe it wasn't so terrible. That maybe it was even a good thing that he'd seen it; and indeed that it was only fair since I've seen video footage of Little Gav. I was even told that the same mannerisms I display now were evident in little me. (So maybe I haven't changed as much as I feared...)

And suddenly, it's not such a big dark secret any more. Suddenly it's ok. Not least because, with both episodes out of the way, I can sleep at night knowing that nobody will be putting me on youtube!!

Ah yes, both episodes... well, the one detailed here was the second. A few days previously, I'd received this facebook message out of the clear blue yonder.

Well, it's time I went to bed like the good little diddums I am. But I would like to ask one question of you all first...

What are the freakin' odds?!