In need of a redesign since 2011.

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

please excuse me while I kiss this guy

Pissed the hell off. Not everybody likes reading rants, especially not ones that could be construed as gossiping / bitching (though I really really try to stay away from those), so if you're playing it safe just skip ahead to the kitty buffer. ↓↓↓

I've been with my boyfriend for three months now. He (let's call him M) lives with his ex*, and my friends and I used to go over to their house for gaming weekends, before he and I got together. I haven't been welcome there recently, at his ex's request.** That doesn't bother me too much.

But what happened tonight? Really does. I'll try to explain...

M works all week and sees me on the weekends, so when he turned up unexpectedly an hour or so ago, I was surprised but pleased to see him! My housemate / friend D had just ordered us pizza, so it looked like it was going to be a fun evening in. Which would be lovely, since my other housemates were going out, and I didn't want to be alone tonight.

Boy did I misread the situation.

What was actually planned was for M, his ex, and D to go bowling together. That happens sometimes. I used to go with them, but these days it's just 'understood' that I won't because that would be too awkward, apparently.***

And if M had told me before showing up "Look, this is what's going to happen, I won't be able to stay longer than five minutes," that would have been fine. I could have prepared for that. If D had said in advance "I'm ordering pizza but I'm going out with M, so please save me some," that would have been fine too. It would have been okay. Not great, still, but okay. But to have what felt like a nice surprise U-turn into another 'you're not invited' event, well, fuck that.

I normally try to squish whatever feelings I have about this, because it sucks for everyone involved, not just me, but if I don't tell them how it feels to be sat at home alone again after that fucking directorial mislead, then it'll just keep happening. And please bear in mind that I'm aware how childish it sounds to wail about unfairness, but if she doesn't want to hang out with me, maybe she just shouldn't come. And maybe my boyfriend and friend shouldn't aid her baseless social exclusion.

* Which is fine. Unconventional, but fine.
** Also fine. I completely understand. It's her house, she should only have to endure the company of people she likes.
*** Not for me, I should clarify: for her. I'll hang out with whoever.

Okay! Kitty buffer!

I cannot stress enough how amazing this video is. It's like Daft Bodies crossed with Tron.


  1. You really need to stick up for yourself more. But you reached the correct conclusion!

    If Ex can't deal with you and your BOYFRIEND being TOGETHER, then SHE should stay away. Fine, don't bang him in her house -- that's polite. But he's YOUR boyfriend not hers.

    Damn, what the hell? Is this some British politeness thing? If so, you should try to shake it off and then by virtue of not being so polite, perhaps you can take over the whole nation!

    If that all sounded too gruff, the tl;dr version is: You're right. I'm on your side.

  2. That is a pretty annoying situation to be in.
    She really needs to suck it up and just accept it. That 'awkwardness' might be something people want to avoid, but the longer you're together, that kind of behaviour is just going to heighten the awkwardness; it'll spread. A seeping miasma of discomfort. No one likes those.
    You and M understand the situation, and know enough not to be too OTT in the adorable new couple/bleurrrghh stakes around her. She should accept that as his girlfriend, he's going to want to - crazy concept, I know - spend time with you. The above sounds kind of like you're now spending LESS time with him, because her discomfort has now barred you from stuff you used to do together. Daft. Very daft. She should grow a pair. Not literally. But still. Grow up, get used to it. You could be sticking around for a while, and the longer she keeps this up the more awkward it gets for everyone, the more she seems like she's bitter about it.
    Congrats on the new guy, though. Smiley cheery things all round! \0/

  3. Quite frankly, M needs to work out where his loyalties lie. (In my head, those words came out in Snape's voice... worrying!) If he's choosing his ex over his current girlfriend, well, something's not right there.

    1. I'm certainly not saying he should cut his ex out of his life, but if he's putting her first and you second like that, he (and she) need to sort some things out. And that is a really rubbish anti-nice-surprise-u-turn evening, even though I'm sure it wasn't meant like that. Don't blame you for getting annoyed


      Also, on another subject, thanks for posting that poem on Tumblr (I know Mr Gaiman got there first.) I remembered studying it in Literature at uni, but couldn't remember what it was called or who it was by.

  4. Tally-ho from Canada! I am not sure, why I keep coming back to your Blog. Anyways, I agree with Katie Edwards comments.This guy is putting you at the bottom of his list. It is also a very strange behaviour. New girlfriends usually get lots of attention, that is the fun part, getting to know each other. And Ex-girlfriends are like old tax returns, you file them away and forget about them. Perhaps you should sit down with M over coffee, and have a chat. Be straight forward, and present your issues. Hopefully you can get things straightened out. There is no question, that you have a legitimate grievance.


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