Ok, on request, and because I'd just finished one anyway, I thought I'd show you guys a poem. I write all kinds - surreal, spiritual, comedic, literally anything. This one is free form, which I find hard because I find structured poetry comes naturally to me.
Anyway, do let me know what you think, suggestions for improvement are much welcomed! (As long as you're nice!)
Thoughts of an Elder tree.I'll also be posting it in my deviantART with the rest of my creative splurges (the link's always on the left if you want it.)
So strange to see saplings these days
Surrounded by New Stone
Supported and bound,
Kept as pets.
A tree should never be supported. It weakens the sap.
They do not know what it is
To feel the life run thick and sticky through the boughs,
To stretch and reach with searching roots.
But they grow deep and high, they will learn
What it is to be of Odin's Horse.
Their roots will buckle, bend and break the New-Stone shackles,
Scabbed bark a testament to our strength.
i love it.....it is 6 in the morning here and i gotta run but i will leave another comment after more readings.....have a nice lunch, jc
ReplyDeleteHi! I love reading your blog and seeing what's going on "Up North" (I'm from Alabama). I read over the poem and really like the descriptive nature feel. I have two small suggestions:
ReplyDelete1. The first line of the last stanza read a little confusing to me. Would a dash between "high" and "they" be better than the comma?
2. You put "New Stone" in the first stanza but "New-Stone" in the last. Maybe it should read "New Stone" because it looks and sounds good that way.
Thanks Beth! The comma is a matter of preference, really. I tried changing the second point because I thought you were right, but I wasn't happy with how "the new stone shackles" sounded; I wanted to show that New-Stone is a fairly common phrase for trees, hoping that the reader would be used to it having already seen it in the first stanza...
ReplyDeleteThat said, maybe you're right. I'm going to keep thinking about that one.
I love this! You truly have the soul of a poet!
ReplyDeleteA nice one and inspiring ;)
ReplyDeletevery very great poem! I personally love free form poems, and this one was beautiful. You should definitely post more of your poems on here!
ReplyDeleteWow. That's really good. I like the empathic pov-shifting style of it. Well done.
ReplyDeleteYou are a great writer, your posts and your poetry! I like the poem exactly as it is written. When I write I have a style that hopes the reader gets my subtleties,too. Good Day!
ReplyDeleteme again, back from work. i like rhyme myself, simple verse.i wrote some a month ago on my blog if you want to check it out.some nice imagery you use. show us some more sometime, take care, jc
ReplyDeleteI have never heard the term New-Stone in regards to a tree.
ReplyDeleteYou may want to down load a song by Gordon Lightfoot, called She`s My Knotty Pine. It would fit well with your poem.
I just realized it is time of year when the sap starts to run. Fresh maple syrup, it always tastes great.
Bother you, Anna! I just found the clicky link on your blog for the Very Secret Diaries. I had forgotten all about them. There are some there I had not read, and worst of all - they're still funny, even though they really should be.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, people! JC, I'll check that out in a minute, I'd love to see what you write.
ReplyDeleteFinnegan, the New-Stone is concrete; I thought that from the point of view of a tree, manmade things would seem slightly odd and foreign compared to the natural world.
Katie: it will ALWAYS be funny. ALWAYS.
Okay, like a city tree along a sidewalk. I was thinking of a forest, so the concrete idea did not kick in. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAnna... beautiful!! One question: is everything a metaphor here? Its like a a 40 or 50 yr old sees teenagers around and wonders..
ReplyDeletePhoenix, it's ... sort of a metaphor. Can you have half-metaphors? I very deliberately chose the Elder tree for its double meaning, but it was just a tree when I was writing it. I guess it's anthropomorphic personification more than anything else. (Yeah, spot the English student!)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, what you read in it is more important than what I wrote into it. That's why we have art crickets! ;)
A reminder to vote please, you lovely lovely people have pushed me into the lead! http://bloginterviewer.com/fashion/the-almost-daily-exploits-of-me-anna-f