My laptop makes me so angry >:[

*** Hardware Malfunction
Call your hardware vendor for support
NMI: Parity Check / Memory Parity error
*** the system has halted ***

Can anyone tell me
a) what this means
b) what can be done about it
and c) how to relax when it happens so that I don't kick it's bluescreening ass out onto the streets.

It's been doing this for a long time, the laptop's a couple of years old, and it's driving me mental. Blah.

Blaaaaaaaaargh.

I don't really know what to write. I haven't written any decent poems lately for the same reason; it seems that there's too much going on in my mind and I'm a bit scared to get it all down on paper. Or on a screen.

I haven't been well lately. I'm feeling absolutely fine, but my body's been freaking out. Various people have said that it's probably stress-induced from moving to university and I think they're right - but I seem to be ok again now. Here's hoping, anyway. My family, God bless them, sent me a little box of chocolates as a feel-better-soon present.

I spent a good few hours today feeling like the world's most useless Christian because of a comment someone had made... it really hurt, really made me feel like crap. I know for a fact it wasn't intended because the person who said it is an absolute star; he called me up to talk today and had me laughing by the end of the conversation. My gosh. I really am an emotional wreck when things aren't going well with God.

I'm really looking forward to this Friday - I'm heading up to Cardiff for the weekend to see my boy. At LAST. It's been WEEKS, I've missed him so much!

Interesting thing of the day: If you've never seen this, SHAME ON YOU.
(By the way, I link to youtube videos instead of embedding them in my blog because I prefer it. Opinions? Preferences?)

I remember now!

Ohhh yeah! I'm Anna! Born and raised on the Isle of Wight, good with people, slightly naive, idealistic. Child of God (so if you mess with me... ;) ). Very empathic, well-meaning but lazy, I love sunshine and my boys. I like words. I'm good with words.

If I'm in Plymouth, I have a reason to be here and a right to be here. These are the things I realised on the way home today. That's why I have once again started walking around like I own these streets.

They say university is about finding your identity, working out who you are. It seems a bit of a shame to get it over with in the first two months, so I'm sure I'll forget and remember who I am a fair few times before I'm done. Such is life. But I am SO GLAD to be more sure of myself. I swear, the second it clicked, I started walking differently. I walked like I owned the place on the Isle of Wight, but why should here be any different?

In the words of Churchill.... OhhhhYES.

I wouldn't change a single thing

Still my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time
My time has come
Let me in
Unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know which way I’ve come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I’ve waited all these years
For you I’d wait till kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn’t change a single thing
And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know what I’ve become

For you I’d wait till kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

- Kingdom Come, Coldplay.

This song is completely beautiful. I'd forgotten how much it touches me, I listened to it today nearly ten times in a row, singing along and meaning every single word with tears streaming down my face; because a) I'm a wuss, and b) that's often what happens when I make contact with God again after a drought.

This is very, very good news. I'm excited about what happens next. God bless guys.

Cheese-eating surrender monkeys

Well, you've got to really, haven't you.

Yes, I watched the rugby last night - England vs. the French. I was in the pub with my housemates absolutely loving it!

I'm still very much a beginner when it comes to watching rugby, I'm still learning what everything means and why the ref does what he does (although even the seasoned fans couldn't work him out last night!) and I'm really, really enjoying it!

Although it did leave me with the uncomfortable feeling that I now know what it looks like for a group of men to collectively lay an egg.

For those who don't know, we won, but it was a close-run thing. Between that and the 3-0 victory at the football, I'm starting to feel a warm and tingly sensation that I understand is called "national pride". Or maybe even patriotism. Gosh.

A public prayer.

God, I need your help. I need to make sense of this world. I need to know what the truth is, and most of all, I need you. It's not just for my benefit any more, it's for the people around me - I'm meant to be a shining light for you, and lately I haven't really been doing that. I don't feel guilty about it, I know guilt isn't a sensible response in a saved person, but I feel like I could be doing so much more.

I remember being so fired up with passion for You. Living for You was all that I wanted; it fulfilled me, gave me a purpose. Please just remind me what that means. Help me look in the right places, Lord, because I know I need You.

Like I say, it isn't just me any more. Thank you that I'm not alone in this; thank you for those who are a support to me, and I pray that you give me the strength and wisdom to be the same for them. Because I'm fully aware that being 'a basically nice person' isn't nearly enough.

Thank you for everything I've been through, good and bad, and I pray that I'm able to use it to help someone.

Love, your child, friend, and servant,
Anna.

Plymouth and Exeter with my boy

WOOHOO! What a fantastic weekend. I've missed my boy SO much, it was wonderful to see him again. Right from when I got hold of him at the station and we just stood there for a good few minutes just being so glad to be together again.

I made a complete hash of cooking on Friday night, fortunately my boy stepped in and saved me from myself. I almost violated rule 1!* Then we went out for drinks to a lovely little pub that I'm quite fond of, it's a proper one with lots of green and red and wood and things stuck on the walls. There was a band playing and I was extremely happy.

Saturday was totally fantastic, we took the train to Exeter to meet Tyte. (If you don't know who he is by now, please pay attention!) We were wandering around Exeter cathedral for a few minutes, marvelling at the masonry and stained glass windows and such (I don't marvel often, but it was totally marvelworthy). We had just gone outside again, and Gav was saying that we'd find him soon, and just as we kissed we hard someone yelling "OI! Stop that you two!"

We went to a brilliant little Italian restaurant, where I did my usual thing of not finishing my meal and feeling hideously guilty and annoyed because it was actually really nice. And it was so, so lovely to see him again, and to chat to him about everything. He had a wonderful weekend, bless him, which I was very glad to hear. Then we wandered around for a while in a desperate search for a pub that might conceivably be showing the rugby! (Oh yeah, I'm into the rugby now. So much more fun to watch than football.) We had obviously stumbled into a fairly upmarket area of Exeter because it was all coffee bars and such, but we eventually found a great pub to watch the game in. We beat Australia, this is because we are AWESOME.

On the way back, my boy taught me some beatboxing - because as involved as I am in the community, and as much as I love it, I'm still utterly rubbish and REALLY need to practise. It's astonishing how shy I was about beatboxing in front of Gav.

Then we took the train back to Plymouth (I left my Bees hat on the train, wahh). We then... did nothing... then on Sunday... we did some more nothing. Oh but there was cooking. Although Gav relegated me to washing up at one point because the kitchen was too small for two cooks... ;) that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

I was gutted to have to say goodbye, of course, but I'm feeling a lot better than I was this time two weeks ago. Having satisfied my cravings, I'm working out when I can next go up to Cardiff.

I went to the church that I was invited to on Sunday night, which was lovely and very very much needed. Today has been good, I've been wandering around beatboxing atrociously and enjoying it a lot.

*Gav made some rules for the Anners. Rule 1 is: no going on fire. Rule 2 is: Anners may has hugs. Rule 3: Gavs may also has hugs.

The big two - oh

Today is my birthday. I am 20, and no longer a teenager.

However, I still know nothing about mortgages, and I intentionally started this post with a false sense of significance just to worry you. It's ok! I'm still me and still relatively clueless.

Being newly away from home meant that things were a bit quiet, as I'd expected, so I went into today thinking things would be normal. Which they kind of weren't. Within minutes of waking up, I'd received an utterly amazing gift from my boy that I'm still finding my way around, had a thread started about me on humanbeatbox.com, and had received two birthday cards (one from my grandparents and one from my boy's parents - not one from mine though! ;) ). Granted, nobody really knows me yet, but everyone smiles and wishes you the best when it 'comes up in conversation' that it's your birthday.

My housemates have bought me a cake which we'll share as soon as everyone's in at the same time (est. February), which is SO lovely and unexpected! And Lanky Dave (I live with two Daves, a Ben, and Michelle) said he might buy me some Baileys - which, as some of you might know, is the only alcoholic drink that makes me smile on contact.

I had a lecture that was absolutely rubbish and ended half an hour early - she was supposed to be teaching us how to use a website that a) wasn't working and b) she didn't understand. So THAT was fun.

My seminar was pretty darn good! I contributed! Maybe a little too much, which isn't a good indicator really since I haven't read the whole of the Odyssey yet. When I have I'll probably be insufferable.

And in the evening I went to my Christian Union for the first time, which was very cool! It felt like such a relief to be back among Christians, which is a dangerous and damaging thing to feel and I expect you guys to make sure I don't isolate myself away from the real world. That said, it's amazingly encouraging to have a few names under my belt at the CU already, and someone has invited me to their church. Fab!

Then I came home and talked to my boy, which (as always) made me exceedingly happy. He's coming down in three days!! I miss him a lot less than I did this time last week. I was very emo about it all, but I appear to have survived the two-week mark intact. Thank God it's not much longer, I'll say that.

Interesting thing of the day: The Man Code.