Boyfriends, and a lack thereof.

So, in honour of this time of year (Yeah right, we all know it's a commercial holiday) I thought I'd let you all know how the love-life is going. Hah.

I have never had a boyfriend. Ever. I have never even been kissed (except on the neck and that doesn't count for various reasons). And that's voluntarily, you understand - years of not playing spin-the-bottle because I wanted my first kiss to mean something. So I kind of set myself targets... by the age of 17, I decided, I would feel get compliments about the way I look. And when I was 17, I sometimes did. By 18, I would start to accept the compliments (as opposed to saying "What?! You must be crazy, or blind, or both.") And by 19, fingers crossed, I will be able to believe the compliments. Anything's possible...

So, where I am now, there are a few guys who seem to think I'm attractive. And yay for them, seriously, but I'm no closer to getting a boyfriend. This presents me with a serious problem. Because for my drama A level, we have chosen to do a play that will involve me kissing (like, properly 'snogging') two guys I WORK WITH. I am not attracted to them especially, and I don't know how to kiss. At the grand old age of 18 I am having nervy spazzes about kissing a guy. Ugh. Pathetic.

So, at this most romantic time of year, when a third of Britain will get all loved up and the other two thirds will get depressed and resentful, I will be obsessing because my first kiss will be a joke. And I don't know how. Whimper.

Sorry for landing all my neuroses on you, but you'll just have to put up with it. I don't know you, why should I pretend to be confident and capable? Hm. That's almost deep.