"Why did nobody ever tell me blogging was this much fun?!" my housemate exclaimed, leading me to do a tiny wriggle of shame. He's recently discovered it, and is of course taking to it like a duck to water, or a bird to flying, or an excitable child to getting jam all over things.

And I feel bad about neglecting you, because I really have no excuse not to. It's been like that period after a breakup when you still want to text your ex every little thought that crosses your mind. I've still wanted to blog about things - I performed poetry, it went well! My hair is purple now! I've been to some very fun parties (and one that... was less fun)! I discovered an amazing book, and did you know we have a new office? - but there's been a veil of awkwardness not dissimilar to the stomach-lurch of "oh, we're not together any more."

I don't know why this is. I certainly haven't broken up with my blog. But I have... I have kind of been cheating on it. Tumblr, with its two-click reblogging and bitesized reaction posts, is so much less demanding. All I have to do is respond to stuff! I don't need to digest, assess and recontextualise information in an engaging and thought-provoking way. I'm not saying Tumblr can't be used for that - it certainly can! - but in my experience, one simply doesn't have to try that hard, and it's making me lazy. I'm going to make a conscious effort to come here instead, and put a bit more work into making my blog of 6 years (blimey) what it deserves to be.

This stuff would never fly in a relationship. "I swear, baby, I'll make a conscious effort to prioritise you over my mistress!"
"Oh will the fuck you?"

This week, much of my time is going into GISHWHES, an international scavenger hunt that's being arranged by Misha Collins. I am in two minds about him. He plays Castiel on Supernatural, calls his twitter follows 'minions,' and has a face that I would like to put near or around my face. And yet. I will never, ever call him Overlord, as some of his fans do. Mostly I want to usurp his crown.

Misha Collins: only human

Yes, that's basically it: I consider him a worthy opponent.
The prize for GISHWHES is that Misha takes your group of ten worldwide scavenger hunters out for a spaghetti dinner in Rome. That's... well, I mean that's pretty cool. Once the deadline's passed and I can share them without breaking the rules, I'll upload a couple of the photos I took in pursuit of this prize.

I'm looking forward to having a bit of time off so I can make things. I want to write poetry, maybe get back into songwriting (my voice is finally 85% returned after a nasty cough), and basically begin to challenge myself creatively again. I've come up with a tentative, unformed plan to leave Cardiff in favour of America at some point, too. I've never had ambition before, so I'm not really sure what to do with it!

Here is a song from Jukebox the Ghost, because I like the video.

Tumblr has been bad for me

I have a tumblr. This is causing problems.

This post contains creepiness, swearing, and excessive lusting; so if you don't want your illusions of me shattered, or want to read me fangirling hard over gorgeous manfaces, ↓↓↓ scroll down to the kitty buffer. ↓↓↓

Otherwise, glad to have you with us and I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. This is my catharsis, ok? I write one, long, freakily obsessive post about Supernatural and then I never mention it again because you deserve better than this.

It started off innocently enough. People shared pictures and stories and opinions on their tumblrs, and a lot of them like the same things I do! They like Doctor Who, and Buffy, and this show I hadn't seen called Supernatural. Eventually, knowing that a couple of my friends really liked it, I decided to give it a go.

This was simultaneously the best and worst decision I've made in a long time.

You see, I love it. The story, the characters, the actors... but Tumblr doesn't leave it at that, oh no. It nourishes obsessions. So after the more immediate pleasures in discovering a new show to enjoy, I started discovering a few of the more... niche... aspects of the 'fandom'.

I discovered the slash fic. And I like it. Some of it is very well written. And from there I discovered RPS, real-person slash, which is... contentious, is probably the word. I like that too. I would probably keep very quiet about the fact if I ever met any of the cast, but still, there it is.

I discovered the lurid past of Jensen Ackles, and some of his more questionable fashion choices.
You have to understand just how gorgeous these people are. The whole damn show is oestrogen bait; the conventions are the lady-heaviest nerdcons I've ever seen.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan, aka John Winchester (and the Comedian from Watchmen!)

Matt Cohen (@mattcohen4real), aka young John Winchester (and others*)

Jensen Ackles, aka Dean Winchester

Ackles' frackles

Jared Padalecki (@jarpad), aka Sam Winchester

Misha Collins (@mishacollins), aka Castiel (and others*)

No but seriously though, his face

Richard Speight Jr (@dicksp8jr), aka the Trickster (and others*)

Rob Benedict (@robbenedict), aka Chuck Shirley, aka Carver Edlund

Mark Pellegrino, aka Lucifer

Sebastian Roche (@sebroche), aka Balthazar

Jim Beaver (@jumblejim), aka Bobby Singer

Mark Sheppard (@mark_sheppard), aka Crowley, aka Badger from Firefly, aka  Canton Delaware from Doctor Who,  aka Romo Lampkin from Battlestar Gal- actually you know what I'm just going to leave this here, it would be quicker to list the things he hasn't been in

Also I think there are some female characters? Apparently. (Although not many. The fans don't seem to like 'em...)

One of the unexpected side-effects of watching all the Supernatural (ALL the Supernatural!) is that the phrases "blue-steeling like a motherfucker," "male modelling sons of bitches" and "sweet merciful Zeus" have all become permanent fixtures in my mind.

*Spoilers, sweetie!

RIGHT KITTY BUFFER and then no more fangirling and / or lusting after strangers.

In other news, my birthday celebrations (cue update guilt, it feels like quite a while ago) went very very well indeed! I got sent on a fantastic treasure hunt that involved deciphering clues and getting the next one from whichever friend it pointed me to. I got a treasure chest at the end of it full of Lush products, which was just about perfect! The charity shop scavenger hunt I 'planned' went brilliantly; we got fancy hats, snazzy ties, and ugly ornaments aplenty.

Oh yeah, the ugly ornaments... the front-runner was a pottery bear-house that contained three little abominations. I mean, that thing is UGLY. But we had a surprise winner when the creepy pierrot-ish clown ornament turned out to be a music box. It's the most sinister thing, if I can I'll take some video of it because that thing needs to be in your nightmares as well as mine.

We went back to my house with the loot and had a barbecue / party / social gathering that really made my day. By midnight, when I actually turned 24, we had eaten, drunk and been merry, and continued to do so until bedtime.


I will attempt to curb my Tumblr dependency and update this more often, because there's not a shred of doubt in my mind that this is the more worthwhile endeavour. Something something tallest dwarf.