Cool internet things

+Anthony Ashfield Well heck dang, look what I can do! +Paul Roth holla.

This year we've had several apocalypses, and they've all ended with the same thing: sarcasm on twitter. But then, as sarcasm on twitter is the first response to any death, maybe they are one and the same, and we've all  already gone to the big snark in the sky.

I have been watching so many Let's Plays lately. I blame +Michael Fruen. Mike, look at this tomfoolery:

You guys, I practically wept with laughter when I first saw this. It's like pixellated Monty Python. It's sublime. 

I will be back with proper Crimbletide greetings when... I remember.

Life: that thing that stops one from blogging

Well, the impossible seems to be happening! I'm (slowly) improving my eating habits, (mainly by snacking on bowls of cereal), getting on with my work (by being paranoid about deadlines and writing them down everywhere), and finding time to kill zombies and splash at the beach with my friends. Could be doing a lot worse! And as soon as uni ends, I'll work on the haircut-and-room-tidying stuff I've been letting slide.

My sister texted me today to say that she was trying on her wedding dress... it's really not long now, and soon I'll have a brother-in-law!

Oh yeah, about that. My sister's getting married. I've just realised that I don't actually write about a lot of life-related things on my blog, being caught up as I so often am by minutiae and trivialities instead. So, let's see, what things should you know...

1. I am still very much in love with my boyfriend, and have been with him for coming up to three years now. Weird.
2. I still live in Cardiff, and love it here, but I'm really missing home (again!)
3. I like Glee, and I feel no shame about this.
4. My twitter addiction continues unabated, having recently just passed the 10k tweets mark. In case you don't know how many that is in the grand scheme of things, it's this many: too. Too many.
5. Other things taking a back seat until uni finishes: Calligraphy, ukulele, photography, reading everyone's blogs. If I haven't commented on your blog in a while, leave me a comment here and I promise I'll catch up soon.

I love the website Hacked IRL. It's not quite as revolutionary as it could be, but the little graffiti / culture jamming examples it gives are pretty fun. Here are some of my recent favourites:

And here are some more pictures; unrelated, but awesome.

Chrimblas-related stuff and things

Lately I've been staying up late. Like, five-in-the-morning late. I've got a pretty big family, and while Christmas at home is by no means as chaotic as it once was (running to wake up the parents at 6am to show them what Father Christmas brought us in the night), late evening / early morning is pretty much the only time I get to be alone right now.

I've been on the Isle of Wight with my family for three weeks or so now, so I'm missing Gavin like crazy - especially at night, when of course I can't call him and talk to him. Such is life. But if it's been hours since we spoke, it's been weeks since we saw each other, and it's been a month - maybe more - since we actually got much time together. I've had deadlines and he's had work, and a million other reasons, all culminating in a big idiotic missathon. Missathon should be a word. Although it kinda makes 'Jonathon' sound like it means an abundance of Jon, which is -

Where was I?

Yes, so, Christmas! That's where I have been. Not that Christmas is a place, or anything, oh lord why can't I think straight? I have had too much chocolate, done too little exercise, watched too much television, and generally upheld Britain's finest festive traditions. Believe me, I'm already planning to hit the gym in January (HA).

I've been feeling awfully uncreative lately, too. It's become quite apparent that I'm not going to be a comedian (I appreciate funny like you wouldn't believe, but am incapable of producing it), and am questioning my ability to write. It's all about hard work though, really. If I could discipline myself, I'd be able to write something special (or so I persist in believing, despite a complete dearth of evidence for this (Also, mini-hellyes: that may be the first time I've used dearth in a sentence. New word! Woo! (Never lose track of your parentheses, kids.))).

So, as I can't embed any photos or drawings from my illustrious self, you'll have to make do with this instead:

Head Trip is an awesome webcomic, I've been reading it since I discovered this strip. (Yes, I discovered the backlash long before I discovered the books. Possibly influencing my decision to read it, as we young 'uns say, 'for teh lulz.')

Stephen Hawking's wicked sense of humour

I have to say, over the past two years, due to the company I keep, I've found myself appreciating the darker side of humour. The kind of humour that (not to put too fine a point on it) is considered offensive to many. That's why, when I saw a cartoon about Stephen Hawking that many would consider 'distasteful,' I did have a guilty chuckle.

I'm beginning to suspect that this dark streak is shared by none other than the Professor himself. My evidence?

Well, to start with, he's played a parody of himself: in Dilbert, Red Dwarf, Futurama and the Simpsons - as well as being the only person to play themselves in an episode of Star Trek: TNG.

Of course, all that could be merely courting publicity. Plenty of celebrities parody themselves without ever really 'getting' the joke - I'm looking at you, Britney - but what do you think of these?

"Chosen by asker" being the key part here! And the cartoon I mentioned earlier:

This controversial cartoon has recently provoked rage from many (here and here, for example). Stephen Hawking himself, of course, has asked for the original.

If anyone has a right to decide whether that's 'allowed' to be funny or not, it's him, surely! I hope you'll join me in wishing the Prof a speedy recovery. Get Well Soon, Stephen Hawking.

To: Every Boy Ever

First off, read this article about Every Girl Ever. This blog post won't make much sense otherwise!

Hi, every boy ever! Thanks for writing that article about our date. It really shows how much you understand women. It was really helpful to me; I hadn't realised what a vapid, talkative, irrational bitch I was until you pointed it out! Still, us women are all crazy, as you told me yourself, so I guess it can't be helped.

Anyway, about that date. Sorry I spent so long in the bathroom; there's nothing like a slightly disappointed look from your date to bolster your self-esteem. I was trying to make myself pretty enough to meet your high standards. Well, they're obviously high, because when you saw that photo of my friends, you called Beth (who, by the way, has a body I would die for) "the fat one." You're so funny! With that kind of sensitivity, you must be a hit with the ladies.

I would have done the hair and makeup stuff sooner, obviously, but I was busy having a life of my own that didn't involve you. Can you believe that? I know for next time not to be so rude!

But hey, I know you're really a gentleman, right? You opened the car door for me! And the smug, self-righteous look you gave as you did it was just so cute!

Did I talk too much over dinner? Oh jeez, I'm sorry. I do that. Especially when my date is staring silently out the window with his head on his hand. If I'd known in advance that you didn't care about my job, or my family, or me, I could have saved us both a lot of time!

Still, wasn't it great that we bumped into my friends? It spared us from spending any more time alone together in awkward silence, even though that was SO exciting!

It's such a shame that you didn't hit it off with Christine; that would have saved me a lot of trouble. I don't like her that much, but I still felt bad about leaving you there with her. I thought maybe you just didn't like me, and that you were a nice enough guy with other people. Guess not! Still, at least I managed to have some fun while you weren't around!

Thanks for the ride home. It was really nice of you, although I did seriously consider making the three mile walk alone rather than endure the painful silence of your hatemobile. I feel bad for misleading you into thinking that we were going to have sex. For some reason, nobody ever told me that a date constitutes a legally binding contract!

Anyway, maybe I'll see you around, or maybe I'll work very damn hard to make sure that never happens. Also, you kiss like a fish.

Come cheer up, m'lads!

Just discovered some absolutely hilarious Star Trek videos! The YouTube user gazorra has cut together... well, see for yourself.

Worst Death Imaginable

Interesting thing of the day: Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, a daily (more or less) one panel (more or less) comic. Just thought I'd share this one, because... well, how true!

Corrupted (plus photo recap)

Well, it's official, my mind has been broken.

I was helping out with the lounge today, which is an event not unlike Soul Café for an older patronage (so, no dance mat. Boo!) It's held at our church, Woodville Baptist. It was a lot of fun, and I even know how to make lattés and stuff now (although, hey, let's not test that knowledge just yet).

But yes, the guys I was helping refer to the various coffee contraptions by female pronouns, as you do. And at one point, someone was making a hot chocolate, and that particular contraption was a bit tricky to use, and he said "Ooh she's a squirter... nice." And I was the only one who laughed.
Ok, right now half of you are laughing, and the other half are thinking "I don't get it," because I have a wonderfully diverse readership like that. But essentially that was the moment I realised that I have been seriously warped by the people I hang around with.

Hang on. I didn't say that was a bad thing. The way I see it, I just have a whole new sense of humour to supplement my regular sense of humour. Only, the new one involves piles of dead babies, and ducktaping cats.

In other news, I realise I'm stretching the term "almost daily" to breaking point since about mid-December. I'm not sure whether to apologise or not. On the one hand, my blog is suffering and my readers aren't getting their regular injections of wit and humour that I so skillfully bring to their otherwise drab lives. (I know. Thank me when you see me.) On the other, the blog isn't the only aspect of my life that's suffering, and you people don't pay me anyway. CONUNDRUM.

But I will try to be better. Really, really I will. Since I've been taking tons of photos lately, I'll use them to jog my memory about all the things I need to update you on.


Ah yes, this is the Elm Street legal graffiti wall. The girl in the picture was interviewing the artists as Ross and I walked past, so she found me on Flickr and emailed me a few questions. You can read what that was all about here.

Next...


Lucy! My lovely lovely Lucy! I had a great time with her. She's an old friend from the Isle of Wight, whom I have mentioned on multiple previous occasions, and she's very lovely and special. We went for a walk up past Roath Lake to a place where there was a river and squirrels and trees, which made me happy. (It was actually SUNNY, too!) We also went shopping - I bought a dress! And a not-diamond not-silver ring that was £1! It's so shiny! And we did face mud mask thingies, the pictures of which will NOT be finding their way online. Nope. Also we went to see Aladdin with Anthony Costa in the starring role. It was my first panto! And it was amazing! Ok, Costa (from Blue, don'tcherknow) was shit, but the 3d glasses made up for it. Then we had sushi, watched Iron Man, slept like babies in my lovely lovely bed, and had pancakes for breakfast round the corner from my house. It was so great to see her again.


Oh oh oh and then the other day, I spent from 1pm till 5am - holy poop, 15 hours?! - at Ross's house watching movies n' stuff! I know, I know. Shocking. But it was so much fun, and Ross, Rich and Dan are just about some of my favourite people. Being cuddled up under a duvet watching great TV with them (again) is no great hardship. We saw 3 Batman movies, several episodes of Nighty Night, some League of Gentlemen, the final episode of Avatar, and several hilarious personals on Gumtree. A++, would do again.


Ahh! It's Gav's Rock Face! Yes, last night I finally got to see Gav rocking out on the bass. Apparently his energetic performances I've seen thus far have been the restrained ones. The band, Gary and the Gutners, did some quality covers at a birthday party in Buffaloes. I took hundreds of photos - probably around the 500 mark! - and danced with some of the lads from church. Oh and also! A lady got talking to me about my photos, said she works in media... I'll definitely follow that up, she gave me contact details and everything. Exciting!

So, yes. While I have been low and am not getting on with uni work or organising my life AT ALL, at least I'm making time for the important things.

Nothing, really

I've been waiting an unreasonable amount of time - like FIVE WHOLE DAYS - to update you on whether I passed my first year of uni or not. But you know as much as I do. So rather than dwell on it, and rage out all over again, I'm going to talk about other things. Hooray!

I'd rather have a bottle in front o' me than a frontal lobotomy. Hahahah.

Seriously, I've been trying to think of something to write about for five minutes, and that's all I came up with.

It's too late for thinking. Also I'm still recovering from the laryngitis.

Instead of anything interesting or amusing from me, watch this video of Christian the Lion. It's so heartwarming your love-organ might start burning like after a visit from a two-dollar whore.

In which Anna is inbetween

I know dementia is a very serious problem, but this poster still makes me laugh. That phrase in particular, "Fighting dementia every step of the way", brings to mind a picture of an old lady saying "Now, I know you've told me, Enid, but where are we going?" Sorry.

I find myself in a rather odd situation right now where I can't say anything about myself for certain. I can't say I'm 20 because I'm practically 21, I can't say I'm a Christian because I'm very confused, and I've dyed my hair it's natural colour which is sort of mousy dark blondey brownish so I can't even identify my hair colour with any certainty.

Still female, though. Still definitely female.

By the way, the tags at the bottom of my posts can be used to track what I've written on certain topics. I tend to reuse the same tags, so generally if you want to find out what I've written about (for example) identity in the past, just click it and see. Nifty!

Foolish girl

"Just having a sneaky sandwich."
"Is there any other kind?"
"Yes. The blatant sandwich. It goes: bread. Lettuce. Blatant. Bread."

Some ecards!

This site has the best ecards I've come across so far (with the possible exception of Meish's anti-valentine's cards). They're hilarious, and I've sent five or six already. Love them.

"DON'T PICK ME!!"

Interesting thing I heard today.

My coursemate's mum works as a psychiatric nurse. She once encountered a high-paid, driven, successful businesswoman who had been under a bit of pressure at work. I say a bit of pressure; she'd snapped and hidden under her desk screaming "DON'T PICK ME! DON'T PICK ME!" and freaking out whenever somebody tried to touch her to get her out.

Turned out she thought she was a strawberry.

I shouldn't laugh.

Not boobs.

Well, a bunch of strangers requested that I blog about boobs, so...

No.

Ah, sorry, did I disappoint you? But don't worry, I'm going to blog about something BETTER than boobs. Seriously. No kidding. Here follows a list if such things.

1) Ice cream.
It's been so long since I had Ben and Jerry's (indisputably the best ice cream ever conceived by man). Cookies and cream, phish phood (sp?), and above all, Dublin mudslide... I love the Irish cream in that. Leading me to number two good thing...

2) Baileys.
The only alcoholic drink that I actually like. It tastes like happy!

3) Lost.
Yes, I am addicted, but tragically I am several episodes behind everyone else. Steven, if you read this, I AM MOST DISPLEASED. I needs the Lost.

4) Music.
Into Nina Simone at the moment, she is an absolute legend!

5) Being funny.
I LOVE being funny. I don't know how often it happens, but when it does, it makes me feel good that I can make people laugh... sadly, I don't think I've found a medium that communicates my particular sense of humour. Video certainly doesn't. (Oh, on that note, I may not be making many more YouTube vids, and almost certainly no vlogs.) Writing? Well, I seriously hope I can be funny. Let me know.

6) Poetry. VASTLY better then breasts. I mean seriously, have you read the Raven? Sheer genius. I also recommend blue peace incantation, Salome and "Hole in the floor". Plus, of course, anything I've written. ;) (re-plugs http://creativesplurges.blogspot.com/)

7) Sunshine.
Not only a beautiful thing, which makes people happy (and tanned), but also the source of all life (indirectly, of course). And, to top it all, you can call people it and it makes them smile, so they actually become a little more sunshiney. Which is really rather special.




______________

LINKS to the poems I recommended

The Raven
Blue Peace Incantation
Salome (about 3/4 of the way down)
Hole In The Floor