It's a Christmas miracle!

Gosh. It's been a while, but I always do come back.

I've been missing writing, and I want to pick it up again.

Right now it's tricky, because it's Christmas, and I'm listening to Cabin Pressure with my family. So I can't concentrate. Despite how often I multitask, I am not very good at it. Nor are you, actually. Multitasking is one of the great lies; we have finite resources for attention, and splitting that up between multiple tasks decimates the amount of energy we can dedicate to each. This is one of those times when the whole is truly less than the sum of its parts.

I would like to address my most recent post of a little over a year ago (making this, I think my longest hiatus yet). I was depressed! It kicked in again in November this year, and I couldn't work out what was wrong, until I brought my blog up. "All this has happened before, and all this will happen again," as the saying goes. It helps to remember that.

The doc's prescribed me a whole bunch of anti-allergy stuff, and I'm feeling in better health than I have done in a very long time. And feeling well in body has left me feeling well in mind! So that's been awesome! I'm getting a bit of the seasonal malaise, but (today aside) I've been eating far better lately. Let's try and work some exercise into that, and we'll be away.

Dear Family:

I can't make it home for Christmas, and maybe for that reason I'm thinking about you guys so much.

Esther, thank you so much for the presents! I've had so many comments on my cute new bag, it's insane. Guys, look:

it is ALL THE COLOURS

HOW CUTE is that? I'm delighted.

Michael, I've been watching your Minecraft Let's Plays with John and I'm really wishing we could hang out, and that you could teach me the basics of that dang game. I know I'm late getting into it. I'm late getting into everything. You remember how long it took me to discover (let alone finish) Portal? Too long.

Judi, it means that world to me that you came up to visit. I had a really great time shopping with you, and I miss y'all a lot less now as a result of that day. Also, I love my badass new reversible skirt (again, CHECK IT).

Look 1...

Look 2! Aww yiss

Naomi, I don't think you read this. You might not even know about it. Maybe it's better this way. But I should tell you that, in my dream last night, you had the most awesome Scottish accent. You were talking to me about how Ran was coping with sharing Michael's bedroom. :|

Mum, in the aforementioned dream, you started a fire in a bin to try to clear your sinuses. Important note: do not do this. It did not end well.

Give my love to Dad; I'll call soon.

I haven't decided yet whether your presents will go ahead of me in the post, or whether they'll come down with me in January. Which means, probably the latter (you know what I'm like). But rest assured I've been thinking of you all, and I hope you have a very special Christmas.

P.S. Uncle Steve, have a very happy birthday! John, Paul, I wanna hang out with you guys soon. Julia, I think you're partially responsible for my life-long love of purple.

P.P.S. Cousins on my dad's side, of which there are many: every time I find out what you've been up to lately, I get all smug because I'm related to awesome people. Keep kicking your various kinds of ass.

P.P.P.S. Nanny, thanks for recognising me even with purple hair. Granddad, thanks for looking after her. I know you won't read this, but I love you both.

Festivities

The buildup to Christmas is a long one. Even at the start of December, I was celebrating Not-Christmas at a friend's house. I got a full stomach and a stocking full of chocolate to remember it by, not to mention a pretty severe crush.

After that, I went home for a couple of weeks, which was as it usually is, i.e., lovely with regards to seeing my family, and fairly horrendous in terms of staying in that house. I live in hope that one day my parents will see sense and chuck out 90% of their stuff.

I've felt very guilty about presents this year. The sad fact is, this year I don't have enough money to cover rent and bills, or even food for myself, so I can't treat everyone to the nice things they deserve. But, for some reason, people care enough to give me things, because it isn't really about reciprocity, so I'm told. They love me and want me to know that, so they give me gifts.

Oh man, let me tell you, this year for the first time I got a gift from someone I've never met! Someone in America! Paul, a guy I've known for probably a couple of years now, sent me the most epic, tricked-out, bells-and-whistles sonic screwdriver set I've ever seen. It's got me thinking about designing my own Doctor look to cosplay! Most people seem to go for a female interpretation of an existing Doctor's costume, but I'd want to start from scratch. My first instinct was to see if anyone from the Doctor Who costume department is on twitter, but no such luck.

This is going to be my first Christmas with friends. I've spent one away from home before, with my ex's family, but I've never dealt with the full mixed bag of celebrating Christmas with vegans, pagans, and people who've lost loved ones / are missing their kids, etc. But we're doing it. I'm a little bit proud of us for that. If we can get through it without drama, I'll be even more so.

I'll also be spending the day with my aforementioned crush (a poor word choice, but anything more accurate would give too much away, and it's early days yet). I wouldn't mention it unless I thought it was going to be important. Unless I thought he was going to be important. We'll see, I guess.

Anyway! I've wittered on long enough. I'll let you get back to all that important hall-decking. If I don't post again beforehand, have a very merry one indeed! See you soon for the traditional New Year navel-gazing.

Present

I know I ought to write something here, but I can't for the life of me think what. Um. How are you? I'm good.

I've had a very traditional Christmas with my family, received some lovely gifts including a Bill Bailey DVD and the first season of Being Erica (delighted), seen the Tron sequel in 3D twice (veh good), and done precious little of the catching-up-with-friends that I was so looking forward to. And not through lack of lack of trying. I really didn't try at all, I'm not sure why; it's just that when I got here, it didn't seem awfully important. Anyway, I spent a lot of time with my family and got to see my oldest friend a couple of times, so I'm happy.

This is my current favourite video. It makes me gleeful; I hope it does the same for you.



Welcome to 2011, by the way! I think it's safe to say that this will go down in history as the year after 2010.

The man on the bridge

Christmas is, of course, a time for celebration, family, and the observation of custom. But one way or another, it always seems to be about loss as well. Our minds go back to Christmases past, either with regret or nostalgia. It's the time when we remember those lost to us through death (RIP, Nana) or circumstance (single at Christmas again...). And, for me personally, it's the time I grieve my biggest loss.

Being home with my family and going back to my church always stirs up the subject of my faith again. It did last year; and this year, once again, I'm looking back on my faith and wondering what happened, and what happens next. It's not as simple as being an Atheist now, despite everything, because occasionally very specific messages seem to get through to me.

I mean, it's probably just coincidence. It MUST be superstition. It must be that I want to believe so much that I see links where none exist. I mean how could it POSSIBLY - but - oh, I don't know. Here's what happened; you decide.

When I was in my late teens, and passionate about my faith, I had a story I used to tell myself to explain forgiveness. It's extremely personal, and I don't want to go into details here, but I will explain the setting: a river by a willow tree, where Jesus stands on a stone arch bridge. As I began to lose my sense of connection with God, I'd try to picture this place, but it would be cold and empty, deserted.

I was going through a rough patch a couple of months ago, and I actually started talking to Ben (my housemate) about all this stuff. I was in tears as I told him that the important thing, the thing that really matters, is whether there's a man on the bridge. Or whether I am alone. I told him about this picture's huge importance and significance in my life, and bless him, he didn't make me feel like a crazy person for it.

A couple of days later, Ben and I are wandering around the shops, and I start to feel stressed and freaked out by the crowds. "Can we go get a drink? Chai, or something..." He'd introduced me to chai tea recently, and I found it to be very soothing. There are five or six coffee shops on Albany road alone, but I chose coffee #1. "Upstairs or downstairs?"
"Upstairs," I replied, already heading for the comfy chairs.

There was only one table free up there, and while Ben got our order, I sat in the only place available to me and stared at the wall.

Painted onto the wall was a tree. By a river. Over the river, a stone arch bridge. And on the bridge... a shepherd.

So, what that means, if anything, I don't know. But it's one of the reasons I don't call myself an Atheist. I may have been hurt by the loss of my certainty, I may not know what or who is in charge of this mess, but maybe there's something.

So, I'll be going to church on the morning of Christmas day. Because it's traditional, and because my friends and family will be there, and because maybe if I'm very lucky, another clue will get through.

Chrimblas-related stuff and things

Lately I've been staying up late. Like, five-in-the-morning late. I've got a pretty big family, and while Christmas at home is by no means as chaotic as it once was (running to wake up the parents at 6am to show them what Father Christmas brought us in the night), late evening / early morning is pretty much the only time I get to be alone right now.

I've been on the Isle of Wight with my family for three weeks or so now, so I'm missing Gavin like crazy - especially at night, when of course I can't call him and talk to him. Such is life. But if it's been hours since we spoke, it's been weeks since we saw each other, and it's been a month - maybe more - since we actually got much time together. I've had deadlines and he's had work, and a million other reasons, all culminating in a big idiotic missathon. Missathon should be a word. Although it kinda makes 'Jonathon' sound like it means an abundance of Jon, which is -

Where was I?

Yes, so, Christmas! That's where I have been. Not that Christmas is a place, or anything, oh lord why can't I think straight? I have had too much chocolate, done too little exercise, watched too much television, and generally upheld Britain's finest festive traditions. Believe me, I'm already planning to hit the gym in January (HA).

I've been feeling awfully uncreative lately, too. It's become quite apparent that I'm not going to be a comedian (I appreciate funny like you wouldn't believe, but am incapable of producing it), and am questioning my ability to write. It's all about hard work though, really. If I could discipline myself, I'd be able to write something special (or so I persist in believing, despite a complete dearth of evidence for this (Also, mini-hellyes: that may be the first time I've used dearth in a sentence. New word! Woo! (Never lose track of your parentheses, kids.))).

So, as I can't embed any photos or drawings from my illustrious self, you'll have to make do with this instead:

Head Trip is an awesome webcomic, I've been reading it since I discovered this strip. (Yes, I discovered the backlash long before I discovered the books. Possibly influencing my decision to read it, as we young 'uns say, 'for teh lulz.')

Found On Flickr 5

Fauvist beauty, originally uploaded by Zozu9 - Merry Xmas everyone!.

Just a quick "still alive" post, I'll probably be posting some photos of my own soon! Having a lovely time with my family, lots lined up for the next couple of weeks too. I'll update... at some point.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

Photographs and pachyderms

2 weeks between posts? Impossible! Unfathomable! Unheard-of!

Well, as it's the run-up to Christmas (sudden realisation: 3 DAYS?!), everyone's been very busy, myself included. I've made the should-have-been-so-simple journey home...

It was an interesting journey, actually. Our train broke down, so we had to board a second train that would take us two stops so that we could get on a THIRD train that would take us the route we were supposed to go in the first place. I was on the second train, wrestling my unwieldy bag into one of the less crowded corners, when I got talking to a girl called Amy. For once, it wasn't me who initiated the conversation, and I was grateful for someone to talk to.

It turned out that she had come from Cardiff too. She's studying maths at Cardiff uni, and plans to take teacher training. However I suspect that in the 20 minutes we were talking, she found out more about me than I did about her. She found out about my course, my depression, my boyfriend, and which church I'm going to. Apparently she lives just round the corner from me, and occasionally even goes to an event held at my church! Chalk that one down to coincidence, providence, fate, whatever. But it was interesting.

Last Friday was particularly lovely; Gavin always makes it very special when he gives me presents - candles, music, performing bears and the like - and this was no exception. He made a real song and dance out of giving me my present, and rightly so.

I am now the proud and excited owner of a Nikon D40!


The lens I've got is better than the one shown; 18-70mm instead of 18-55. The D40 is the camera everyone has recommended as a good entry-level DSLR. I've spent the past few days trying to familiarise myself with all the buttons. There are a lot of buttons.

It actually took me about a year to find all the functions on my little digital camera, mostly because I never intended to get as interested in it all as I did! I thought it would be fun, a toy; a way to make memories. Instead I ended up wishing I could fiddle with the depth of field... well, I can now.

I haven't taken many photos yet, and very few that are fit for the public to see, but you can always check out my flickr page if you want to see what I've taken recently.

Interesting thing of the day: Achievement Unlocked, a cute and quick little game in which you are an elephant.

Christmas music

Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me.

I have had to fight, almost every night
down throughout these centuries.

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life.

We know them, probably word-for-word. Every year. Every damn year the same songs for a month straight. Every radio station, every shop, every music channel, playing the same 40 songs on an infinite loop.

I don't mind, at the moment (it's only day 2 after all!) but it would be nice to get a bit of variety. So with that in mind, here are some songs to add a bit of interest (and pirates) to your festive season. Let's get into the spirit, people! After all, if you can't beat 'em... and you certainly can't beat 'em... you may as well join the masses, (only with more pirates).

So for your delectation and delight, I present:

Chiron Beta Prime, by Jonathan Coulton
Podsafe Christmas Song, by Jonathan Coulton
A Pirate Christmas, by Tom Smith
Hey Frickin Nonny, by Tom Smith
All I got for Christmas, by Pond Life.

Witterage is a good word

You know what, I've thought long and hard about it, and I've decided that buying chocolate eggs is a really arbitrary way of celebrating the resurrection. In addition, I haven't lost the extra squidge from all that Christmas chocolate yet! So I'm very sorry to inform Mr Cadbury's and all the rest of you that I won't be participating this year. If you're lucky I might make you something nice instead.

My housemates and I went to the pub quiz last night! We did ok, came over halfway which is an improvement on what we normally get, and our suggestion for the quiz's new name was chosen. So, yay, contributions! I was tempted to stay in and watch Lost again (I am an addict. Also, you just lost the game. But I didn't!!!) but I thought I'd prolong the agony and catch a repeat instead. Hooked though I may be on all that losty goodness - and the podcasts, heaven help me - it's high time I started having a social life again. Ah well, with any luck I'm out of here in a few months!

How very strange. I just wrote an email to gav and instead of the usual way I talk to him, I was talking in my blog-style. Peculiar. I wasn't aware I had a blog-style. Ah well, I can only assume that the boundless nature of my literary genius astounds even me. And I'm so freakin' modest too!!

So, yes, nothing terribly constructive today, but when is it ever. Thanks for enduring my witterage.

ITOTD: Online shopping discount codes. Never know when they might come in handy.

The Little Book of Little Gavin Stories

"As for what he got me... that deserves its own entry. I'll tell you later, if you're good."

High time I told you what it actually was, really. Here are some pictures of the absolutely beautiful book my boy made.



The Title Page


One of the secrets :) He hid things under some of the stories.


There was ribbon, bubblewrap, stickers and gems... lots of lovely feelies!


Photos from his childhood, promotional material from various bands and gigs he was involved in...


And some of my poems that he combined with photos I've taken.

That's just some of the less personal stuff. I got properly emotional when I opened it, it's absolutely the best present he could possibly have got me. It took him three days of careful scrapbooking, and it's absolutely a treasured possession now... beautiful.

Recovering from Christmas

Christmas was wonderful! Gavin got on GREAT with my family, made friends for life in my younger siblings, made a great impression and so forth. I loved getting to know his friends and family; his parents gave me an utterly gorgeous scarf that I've fallen in love with. It's soft and purple and has spangly bits! Success!



This is Gavin and his mate John wearing their stylish yet practical rain ponchos. I was offered one, but unwisely decided that it wasn't worth the embarrassment. I arrived at the pub absolutely drenched, and it's therefore most likely my fault that everyone in the world has a cold. *coughs pathetically*

It was wonderful though, I got to see my boy's old school. We saw I Am Legend at the cinema (very good), and the Darjeeling Limited (also very good).

New year's was similarly splendid, had a great time in Cardiff, aside from the, you know, DYING. I feel terrible for making my boy ill, but there you go, it was preferable to isolating me in a germ-proof bubble! That would have been lame.

This is what I bought him for Christmas - a t-qualizer, they're called. Very ace indeed!
As for what he got me... that deserves its own entry. I'll tell you later, if you're good.

I'm now back home with my family for a few days to recover from the festive season.

I hope you've all had a wonderful time with your loved ones, sorry I've been so terrible at updating! Must try harder.

HAS

HAS MY BOY! Ok I know, lame and gay, but it's very exciting for me. Although admittedly offputting that he's watching me type this. Which is funny because the other day I was thinking how great this very thing would BE clearly I am psychic. I know, no punctuation, no coherent thought and no real effort put into this one - tis the season. Happy Christmas all!

Also, we decorated the tree a couple of hours ago (how atrociously slack of us). It looks about as merry as a bunch of plastic covered in tinsel and lights can possibly look. Which is very.

EDIT: Hello, this is Anna's "boy". I have a name, and it is Gav. It's quite a nice name, certainly it is in the view of my parents, who gave it to me, but Anna thinks that "boy" suffices, despite my being several years her senior. I picked her up along with my Ferrari Testerossa and custom made golf clubs (NOTE: not true. Rumours of a mid life crisis are exaggerated).

Aaaanyway, here I sit in the house of her family. I got to meet two of her eighteen sisters and her brother, they're all apparently what Roast Beef would describe as "good people, pretty much". We did indeed decorate the tree, which I actually found rather touching.

I've behaved myself so far. I haven't done a sick on the floor!!!!!

Plans for Festivus

It's amazing how much I've missed in the short time I've been away. All the drama continued without me, only (according to my sources) worse because I wasn't there to calm everyone down! I completely believe it. But I say that without a trace of arrogance, because if I was really that great I'd have taught them to be sensible for themselves. Never mind, I'm sure they'll sort it out, and everyone will be talking to everyone else again in no time.

In case I don't have time to update the blog over the coming few days, this is the plan: my boy comes down to the Isle of Wight tomorrow afternoon, we will go for a meal with my friends from school on Saturday, we'll head up to his family on Sunday, spend Christmas there, go up to his friends for New Year's, then I'll come back here and then return to Plymouth. I'd much rather not go back to Plymouth.
Not because it sucks, just because I still don't belong there. Meh, never mind.

Still! Thank goodness I'm seeing my boy soon, been missing him like CRAZY. It has been... 2 1/2 weeks? My gosh. That's not really very long, although it certainly feels it. Long distance relationships are hard... it would only be worth it for him.

Interesting Thing Of The Day: The procrastination flowchart.