Photographs and pachyderms

2 weeks between posts? Impossible! Unfathomable! Unheard-of!

Well, as it's the run-up to Christmas (sudden realisation: 3 DAYS?!), everyone's been very busy, myself included. I've made the should-have-been-so-simple journey home...

It was an interesting journey, actually. Our train broke down, so we had to board a second train that would take us two stops so that we could get on a THIRD train that would take us the route we were supposed to go in the first place. I was on the second train, wrestling my unwieldy bag into one of the less crowded corners, when I got talking to a girl called Amy. For once, it wasn't me who initiated the conversation, and I was grateful for someone to talk to.

It turned out that she had come from Cardiff too. She's studying maths at Cardiff uni, and plans to take teacher training. However I suspect that in the 20 minutes we were talking, she found out more about me than I did about her. She found out about my course, my depression, my boyfriend, and which church I'm going to. Apparently she lives just round the corner from me, and occasionally even goes to an event held at my church! Chalk that one down to coincidence, providence, fate, whatever. But it was interesting.

Last Friday was particularly lovely; Gavin always makes it very special when he gives me presents - candles, music, performing bears and the like - and this was no exception. He made a real song and dance out of giving me my present, and rightly so.

I am now the proud and excited owner of a Nikon D40!


The lens I've got is better than the one shown; 18-70mm instead of 18-55. The D40 is the camera everyone has recommended as a good entry-level DSLR. I've spent the past few days trying to familiarise myself with all the buttons. There are a lot of buttons.

It actually took me about a year to find all the functions on my little digital camera, mostly because I never intended to get as interested in it all as I did! I thought it would be fun, a toy; a way to make memories. Instead I ended up wishing I could fiddle with the depth of field... well, I can now.

I haven't taken many photos yet, and very few that are fit for the public to see, but you can always check out my flickr page if you want to see what I've taken recently.

Interesting thing of the day: Achievement Unlocked, a cute and quick little game in which you are an elephant.

Cardiff Bristol Bath etc.

Wow. What an incredible weekend. I'll race through the main points!

Friday: Travelled up early. Gav met me at the station to give me sandwiches, a solar-powered keyring and some cuddles. I love this man!
The interview was easy, I was in there for ten minutes and as long as I pass my first year, I'm in.
So I'm moving to Cardiff.
I'm moving to Cardiff!!!
Then we went out to watch Son of Dave. I met a bunch of Gav's friends, which was ace, and SoD was awesome musically. I freaked out though. Got all claustrophobic; it hardly ever happens, but when it does I would give ANYTHING for people to stop brushing past me. G was a star so I didn't have to run away like last time.

Saturday: Slow start, which was lovely. We watched the rugby, England deservedly thrashed by Scotland, and watched Withnail and I which I'd never seen before.
The Bristol Beatbox heats were awesome!!!!! it was so good to see everyone again! There are photos here if you're interested, which you should be you ungrateful spoon.
Gav and I were on photo duty; he got some truly epic shots with TyTe's digital SLR.
After that, Gav, yasSon and I went back to Mr.T's house and crashed on the floor. It was so wonderful! We got all giggly and went to sleep fairly quickly.

Sunday: I woke up to realise that I'd slowly and steadily inched myself towards Gav, almost pushing him off the mattress. Heheheh. I'm a somnuggler.
His church was awesome. I'm not going to church enough, and it was very touching to be handed the bread by a man I respect so much. I got a bit weepy afterwards.
We had lunch with his family, who are all total stars, and T took us to the station. G and I said goodbye to Yass and got our train - I think I fell asleep on G! I was very good on Sunday night, I let Gavin get his sleep.

Monday: agh, I hate leaving in the morning. No more 8am trains for me. The frantic rush to get everything ready, and the fact that got there 1 minute before the train was due to leave and couldn't find my ticket so I had to buy a new one... gahhh! I'm a student, y'know? It's slightly scary to realise that I'm spending over £100 a month on weekends in Cardiff. On the plus side, when I move there, I'm gonna have more cash than I know what to do with, possibly maybe!

Anyway, it's back to Plymouth and back to work for me. I have an essay to do and three books to read, so I might not update for a bit... take care, all!

Shouting at a train and chasing universities

Can somebody please tell me why everything has to be so frikkin' hard?!?!

Those of you who know me from pre-gap year times will know how much trouble I have galvanising myself to do anything constructive. Those of you who know me from post-gap year times, and especially the past couple of weeks, will know how much I've been striving to kick myself out of that groove and get some things done.

I've been writing emails about late trains and university transfers, buying books I need for my course, doing university work, collecting coursework from university, getting my umbrella from lost property, buying food and eating healthily, etc, etc, etc...

And it feels like I haven't made a DENT. The train company isn't having any of it, which is utterly ridiculous as they've said themselves I'm entitled to compensation. I can't get into Cardiff university, making the future once again a very scary and uncertain place. I still need to do loads more reading, I'm feeling absolutely exhausted as I always do when I've been crying, and I just want to be home with my boy.

Stupid crappy real world getting in the way of cuddles. I feel like this kitty.

So, I'm going through the ever-wonderful UCAS system again, and remembering why it made me want to gnaw my own face off in frustration last time. But I'm also realising that I've grown a lot since then. Instead of putting it to the back of my mind and stalling for as long as I can, I'm gritting my teeth and refusing to be such an all-out lamer.

This will not defeat me, I will move to Cardiff, and I have emailed First Great Western saying "excuse me, what do you think you're playing at." Not in so many words.

Character development FTW :)

I want

...Told him my story. Told him about being laid off in Chicago. Told him about this new job I got in New York. Told him I only knew I got the job officially 5 days before Christmas- only about a week previously. Asked him how he was liking New York.

"It's great," he said. "Everybody's insane with loneliness, but that's OK. After a while you realize that's part of the edge."...
- Hugh McLeod, www.gapingvoid.com

"Imagine a city where graffiti wasn't illegal, a city where everybody could draw wherever they liked. Where every street was awash with a million colours and little phrases. Where standing at a bus stop was never boring. A city that felt like a living breathing thing which belonged to everybody, not just the estate agents and barons of big business. Imagine a city like that and stop leaning against the wall -- it's wet."
- Banksy, www.banksy.co.uk

I want to go to New York and talk to a lonely person.
I want to be happy, and healthy, and helpful, in an environment where those things are positively discouraged.
I want to be able to pick out a busker's guitar chords over the roar of the traffic.
I want to paint beautiful things on ugly walls.
I want to see the adverts for what they are, and to choose to rise above it.

The other day, I was wandering around Bristol train station. It had been dark for hours, and I had a long journey ahead of me. Normally I'd sink into myself, try to avoid any human contact, like anybody would. But for some reason, I was excited. I was interested, curious about everything I saw. I took dozens of photos of the most insignificant things, just happy to be doing something slightly unusual because anybody could ask me about it without feeling uncomfortable. If anyone wanted someone to talk to, they could do a lot worse than starting with "why are you taking all those photos?"

Nobody did, though.

Trains, Aliens, and Nirvana in the bath.

Stupid trains.

I should have been suspicious when every train around us was being delayed and having platform changes, but our faithful little train to Cardiff stayed rock steady... I should have realised then. It was cancelled. And the next train to Cardiff was half an hour late. Grrrr, stupid trains... so I missed the concert we were going to see, which I feel bad about because my boy could have gone but instead he was cooking for me and such.
(Side note: the 'insert picture' button didn't work, so I did that with my newfound knowledge of HTML. That's how badass I am.)

I had so much fun dancing with my boy... I haven't done that since that festival (vaguely referred to here, it was wonderful). There's a lovely picture of us doing the aforementioned here, YAY!

Saturday was similarly awesome, we saw Alien vs. Predator: Requiem which was pretty much new territory for me, but I actually really enjoyed it! (It was my idea, he didn't bully me into it.) Then we went out to a gorgeous Italian restaurant that he's been wanting to show me for ages, which was absolutely amazing (although sushi still wins).

On Sunday, we were both too tired for church in the morning, which was really a shame. Never mind, next time. And he showed me how to do interesting techie things with a nitfy little firefox addon called Firebug. I was surprisingly clued up :) SMUG.

Everything got a bit chaotic towards the end, stupid taxi company sent me two so I thought it was about to drive off without me, meh anyway.

It was about time too, hadn't seen my boy in weeks.

Don't worry, as soon as I start doing other interesting things I'll blog about them as well!

Bristol and such!

I was standing in Bristol in the pouring rain, in a circle of people I've met once or not at all (and one I know almost as well as myself), making odd noises with my mouth. And just as I started to get privately proud of my bass sounds (pretty deep for a lass, I think), I suddenly thought "I wonder what Nana would think of all this."
My mum's mother died years ago, when I was about eleven I think, and sometimes I regret that I never really knew her. Don't get me wrong, we weren't estranged; after my parents, she's probably the person my siblings and I spent most of our formative years with; but to be completely honest I didn't realise until I was about 12 that adults were more than just a complicated combination of times I got my way and times I didn't. As a result, my impression of her is one of a very genteel and caring woman whose house had Rules, and I haven't got the faintest idea what she would think of things.
I think she wouldn't approve that I keep dropping my T's. Even I don't approve of that.As for beatboxing, would she be completely baffled at what I saw in it, or would she want to know all about it? I wouldn't fancy trying to persuade her that it's ok to meet a group of strange men from the internet, but in this case (NOT in all cases, it is important to feel safe) I knew it was a good idea.I know she'd be thrilled about Gavin. she'd absolutely LOVE him, which is a wonderful thing to realise actually.
The beatboxing jam was amazing though, I'm so glad I went! I'd genuinely missed a few of those guys, and was very glad to meet the others, and i was NOT LAME and actually did some beatboxing (very quietly!) which is Most Pleasing and earned me a pack of peanut M&Ms that I shared. Bribery FTW.
The rest of the night consisted mainly of pubbing with the lads, cuddling my boy, hurting my poor little ankle, deciding going back to Plymouth would be ass, and going to Cardiff instead. So I actually came back on Sunday. Four hours of travel, two changes, over an hour on a packed bus, and then I had to walk back to the house on the aforementioned poor little ankle.
The best thing about this weekend is that no matter what happens from here, I have memories that I know are going to bring me a lot of joy and will stay with me forever.

Plymouth and Exeter with my boy

WOOHOO! What a fantastic weekend. I've missed my boy SO much, it was wonderful to see him again. Right from when I got hold of him at the station and we just stood there for a good few minutes just being so glad to be together again.

I made a complete hash of cooking on Friday night, fortunately my boy stepped in and saved me from myself. I almost violated rule 1!* Then we went out for drinks to a lovely little pub that I'm quite fond of, it's a proper one with lots of green and red and wood and things stuck on the walls. There was a band playing and I was extremely happy.

Saturday was totally fantastic, we took the train to Exeter to meet Tyte. (If you don't know who he is by now, please pay attention!) We were wandering around Exeter cathedral for a few minutes, marvelling at the masonry and stained glass windows and such (I don't marvel often, but it was totally marvelworthy). We had just gone outside again, and Gav was saying that we'd find him soon, and just as we kissed we hard someone yelling "OI! Stop that you two!"

We went to a brilliant little Italian restaurant, where I did my usual thing of not finishing my meal and feeling hideously guilty and annoyed because it was actually really nice. And it was so, so lovely to see him again, and to chat to him about everything. He had a wonderful weekend, bless him, which I was very glad to hear. Then we wandered around for a while in a desperate search for a pub that might conceivably be showing the rugby! (Oh yeah, I'm into the rugby now. So much more fun to watch than football.) We had obviously stumbled into a fairly upmarket area of Exeter because it was all coffee bars and such, but we eventually found a great pub to watch the game in. We beat Australia, this is because we are AWESOME.

On the way back, my boy taught me some beatboxing - because as involved as I am in the community, and as much as I love it, I'm still utterly rubbish and REALLY need to practise. It's astonishing how shy I was about beatboxing in front of Gav.

Then we took the train back to Plymouth (I left my Bees hat on the train, wahh). We then... did nothing... then on Sunday... we did some more nothing. Oh but there was cooking. Although Gav relegated me to washing up at one point because the kitchen was too small for two cooks... ;) that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

I was gutted to have to say goodbye, of course, but I'm feeling a lot better than I was this time two weeks ago. Having satisfied my cravings, I'm working out when I can next go up to Cardiff.

I went to the church that I was invited to on Sunday night, which was lovely and very very much needed. Today has been good, I've been wandering around beatboxing atrociously and enjoying it a lot.

*Gav made some rules for the Anners. Rule 1 is: no going on fire. Rule 2 is: Anners may has hugs. Rule 3: Gavs may also has hugs.

Meet the parents

It's an uncanny truth that whenever I meet up with my boy, we have at least one day of brilliant sunshine (which is no small thing, in a summer this relentlessly dismal.) Granted, we met in summer which doubtless carries an advantage, but it's nevertheless gratifying to remember all the moments we've spent together on warm days under blue skies. I'm pretty sure I photosynthesise too, so it feels very Right.

Every time I stand at a train station looking out for him, I get hideously nervous for a few seconds. When I spot him I tend to be glad to see him, terrified, and thoroughly knackered and bored of travelling - and this manifests itself in me walking hesitantly towards him with an awkward smile on my face. Every time. And every time, it's not until the mercifully immediate First Hug that the tension dissipates; then I'm just there, in his arms, almost oblivious to the busy surroundings.

Yes, it's going to be a soppy post. I'm in love, deal with it.

(At this point the author pauses, fingers motionless over the keyboard, as she tries to deal with the significance of what she just wrote. It's all too much for her poor little mind, so she thinks about ponies until it goes away.)

I went on Friday and met his parents, who are thoroughly lovely, and watched the Blues Brothers on the sofa with him. Never seen it before, it was good!

Best quote:
ELWOOD - It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
JAKE - Hit it!

On Saturday we went to Hull to attend his friend's album launch, which was obviously very important since Girlfriend Approval Papers were required, but I passed apparently so that's alright. ;) They had kitties! Who were all fluffy! It was a bit of a trek away but we managed alright, despite train delays and cock-ups. (I'm thinking of making a little wax train that I can stick needles in whenever there's a problem, but I know it would only take three trips before the thing would be so full of holes you could use it as a Matrix sequel.) But we made it back to Birmingham in the end for a proper family meal, which was properly fun. Always good to see your Significant Other with his family, isn't it. This time it was anyway.

After that, we went to the pub to see some of his boys! I got talking to one of them about God, who may have forgotten most of it. Luckily. I mean it's not really pub talk is it. Still, it was great getting to know the lads a bit, I did pretty well at being friendly but totally failed at the knowing stuff. They were talking about music and techie stuff, so I just stood there smiling vacantly and trying not to feel like a bimbo! (See? I would NEVER have used that word about myself before my hair turned blonde. It's affecting my self-image.)

Monday I came home, travelling went very well despite another train delay at the start.

The entire weekend was suffused with general huglyness and cuddletivity, and I can honestly say that I have never been so completely comfortable with someone as I am with him.

It's all looking good, guys! And although I did get a bit mournful in the car on the way to the station, I'm not feeling too lonely. It won't be long before I talk to him again. So... yay, and stuff.

This has been the smuggest post in history, hasn't it... I am sorry, people. But those of you who know me well know that this doesn't happen often (i.e. EVER) to me, and is thus a deal of the big kind.

Ok, ok, blatant gloating time is over. Love to y'all. x