Entropy and rain

Today, it rained. I walked. Computer. Laminater. Velcro. Posters. Guillotine. Database, database, database...

Still it rained. I walked, waited, watched My Fair Lady. I read.

I read this. Read it. You'll like it. Ben probably already knows it backwards.

I don't know enough to stop my boyfriend having panic attacks. Hell, I can't stop MYSELF having panic attacks: the string, fluff, and optimism that I'm made of seems to fall further apart every day. Entropy. Hah.

He can reverse it of course. In theory, He does. By His wounds we are healed. But still, my life is a bit of a shambles.

I need to retake a module to get into UWIC like I hoped. I need to submit an essay. A really long, big, difficult essay - you know I have trouble with them at the best of times. While holding down a 9 to 5 job.

I'm halfway through my overdraft... getting paid tomorrow though, hooray! And I'm seeing a very special friend soon! And I'm going home soon after that.

And it rains.

A post that possibly includes pineapple and a delusional caterpillar

Good news, everyone!! I am currently ploughing through my last essay of the academic year, after which I will run away to sunny and exotic lands, meet interesting and exotic people, and eat exotic fruits, possibly including pineapple.

By which I mean, I'll go to Cardiff. And then home to the Isle of Wight, at which point I'll begin an arduous five months of living out of boxes because my bedroom has been a building site for the last year and a half. Didn't I only leave home 9 months ago, I hear me ask? Why yes, yes I did.

It's ok. It's part of the natural growing-up process to be bitter about how quickly your parents move on. It's due to the assumption that they don't properly have lives of their own, and only do these things to annoy you.

At any rate, I think I'll be a lot more psychologically healthy when I'm not "stuck in the gap" any more. People warn you about that if you're going on a gap year, getting a feeling of aimless in-between-ness, but my gap year was purposeful and busy and awesome. This year, however, has been rather more... voidish than I would have liked. I'm currently working on deluding myself into believing that the second I leave here I'm going to emerge from my cocoon as a beautiful butterfly... which I imagine will look something like this:

Shalom!

Motivation

Why is nobody online at half 9 in the morning? It's just rude is what it is.

Ok, perhaps a more pertinent question would be why am I online at half 9 in the morning.

I woke up nice and early to put the finishing touches to my essay, which I'm just gonna hand in now (one down, two to go! Woop!), a day early. I've never handed in an essay a day early before. But this time I have incentive! Cuddles!

I'm mostly motivated by cuddles. It's a huge flaw in the education system that there's no acceptable way of implementing that kind of reward system. However, now I have Gav, who's very encouraging, wants to see me do well, and bribes me with hugs.

So, I've got my essay done a lot sooner and better than I would otherwise have done, so now I can go up to Cardiff a day early! Yaaaay!

Also, here is a picture of me.


Someone on the internet called me ugly, and after my initial RARR I'm kind of thinking "Meh" so posting this picture is a way of proving... something? That I can, I think. I can. And if you thinking I'm ugly, well just don't sleep with me then, I think that's fair enough.

It would have been a great day if it hadn't been night-time

I've been waiting for my productive side to kick in for a week. In accordance with Sod's Law, it did so at 11:30 in the evening after my last day of uni work before the holidays. I really don't see why I couldn't have had a surge of productivity in time to get my essay done properly, but ah well. Better late than never, as they say.

Still, it's hasn't been wasted; I've tidied my room, had a shower, done a few small but necessary things... I was gonna go out for a walk as well, but it occurs to me that 3:35 may not be the best or most practical time to do so.

I've been listening to Queen all evening as well, which has put me in a good, positive, hopeful mood. I heartily recommend it.

Good morning, world! :)

Every silver lining has a cloud

I have so much to look forward to right now, so I thought I'd have a rare (these days) moment of unbridled positivity. Yes, I am aware of the irony in that sentence.

So! I got my essay handed in, and tomorrow is that last day of lectures... and I think they've been cancelled. So technically it's easter! Hooray! And for Easter, G and myself are going to Paris for a week. I'm very very very excited about this!!

ALSO

ALSO

I'm moving to Cardiff. Wow.

I discovered a beautiful poem today, it's here if you want to read it. My poetry seminar went so well today! It's by far my favourite subject, and to be honest I'm gonna miss our lecturer. I've had differences of opinion with him, but that's a good thing; in so many subjects I don't have any opinion at all.

I bumped into Dainjamouth on the way home from university; the only beatboxer that I know of in Plymouth. It was good to catch up with him; he reminded me about a hip-hop battly type thing that's happening today but I don't know anyone here who'd want to go to that kind of thing with me, which is a shame!

I saw Lost last night! I missed it on Sunday due to being in Cardiff, and on Tuesday due to being a fool, but they repeat it on Wednesdays as well and I'm so very excited about that. Hahaha. Yes, my life currently is that dull, but it won't be for long!

On the downside, somebody I know really needs a cuddle and to be told everything's gonna be ok. Both things that inexplicably lose 99% of the meaning when you're not in the same room as the person.

Cardiff Bristol Bath etc.

Wow. What an incredible weekend. I'll race through the main points!

Friday: Travelled up early. Gav met me at the station to give me sandwiches, a solar-powered keyring and some cuddles. I love this man!
The interview was easy, I was in there for ten minutes and as long as I pass my first year, I'm in.
So I'm moving to Cardiff.
I'm moving to Cardiff!!!
Then we went out to watch Son of Dave. I met a bunch of Gav's friends, which was ace, and SoD was awesome musically. I freaked out though. Got all claustrophobic; it hardly ever happens, but when it does I would give ANYTHING for people to stop brushing past me. G was a star so I didn't have to run away like last time.

Saturday: Slow start, which was lovely. We watched the rugby, England deservedly thrashed by Scotland, and watched Withnail and I which I'd never seen before.
The Bristol Beatbox heats were awesome!!!!! it was so good to see everyone again! There are photos here if you're interested, which you should be you ungrateful spoon.
Gav and I were on photo duty; he got some truly epic shots with TyTe's digital SLR.
After that, Gav, yasSon and I went back to Mr.T's house and crashed on the floor. It was so wonderful! We got all giggly and went to sleep fairly quickly.

Sunday: I woke up to realise that I'd slowly and steadily inched myself towards Gav, almost pushing him off the mattress. Heheheh. I'm a somnuggler.
His church was awesome. I'm not going to church enough, and it was very touching to be handed the bread by a man I respect so much. I got a bit weepy afterwards.
We had lunch with his family, who are all total stars, and T took us to the station. G and I said goodbye to Yass and got our train - I think I fell asleep on G! I was very good on Sunday night, I let Gavin get his sleep.

Monday: agh, I hate leaving in the morning. No more 8am trains for me. The frantic rush to get everything ready, and the fact that got there 1 minute before the train was due to leave and couldn't find my ticket so I had to buy a new one... gahhh! I'm a student, y'know? It's slightly scary to realise that I'm spending over £100 a month on weekends in Cardiff. On the plus side, when I move there, I'm gonna have more cash than I know what to do with, possibly maybe!

Anyway, it's back to Plymouth and back to work for me. I have an essay to do and three books to read, so I might not update for a bit... take care, all!

Ice cream makes everything better

What a peculiar day. My seminar tutor and I had a difference of opinion. He spent ten minutes defending something that I wasn't intending to attack; pointing out that there's no point my being here unless some things are wrong and some are right. I know that. I'm no relativist. But I didn't see how that equated to me being wrong and him being right, and it would have been just wonderful if he could have explained that part.

So, I felt quite got at, zoned and, and drew cartoons on the back of the poem instead. A girl in my seminar group said how ridiculous it was for him to attack the one person who actually contributes stuff in discussions. And now I'm worried that I might a) go completely silent, b) disagree with him on everything, or c) nod and smile at everything he says until he cries or something. I bought comfort ice cream on the way home. I'm buying too much unhealthy stuff these days, I feel all fat and gross. Boooo.

That was quite rubbish. And now I'm home with an essay to finish, and that's quite rubbish too, but I'm in a much better mood than I was due to a rather odd phone call I got from Gavin. He's gone mountain-climbing with his friends (Ben Nevis apparently, well done them), and the following was a conversation between myself, Gavin, and Stu.

Hey honey!
Hi girl, how are you feeling?
Better thanks. Done emo-ing now.
Have you met Stu?
Errr don't remember...
Say hello.
Ok, hi!
Hello! I'm in my pants!
*laughs* Great. Is Gav in his pants too?
No. He's not looking.
*couldn't make this bit out but I swear I heard the word 'twitching' in there*
Ok honey I'm gonna leave you to it...
Alright sweetie. Love you, bye!

So that cheered me up, and then I went downstairs for some trashy sitcom action and more ice cream. Ah well, back to that essay...

This is why nothing ever gets done.

Ahhhh. You know what, Baileys is probably the only thing that can replace a hug. It's as if it wraps my insides in its creamy arms and kisses me good night.

I started writing my essay! TRUE STORY! And the plan was really easy. Don't know if I'll be able to make 2000 words, but whatever... I'll do a good job. I'll just get back to work now.

As soon as I've filed my nails.