Tumblr has been bad for me

I have a tumblr. This is causing problems.

This post contains creepiness, swearing, and excessive lusting; so if you don't want your illusions of me shattered, or want to read me fangirling hard over gorgeous manfaces, ↓↓↓ scroll down to the kitty buffer. ↓↓↓

Otherwise, glad to have you with us and I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. This is my catharsis, ok? I write one, long, freakily obsessive post about Supernatural and then I never mention it again because you deserve better than this.

It started off innocently enough. People shared pictures and stories and opinions on their tumblrs, and a lot of them like the same things I do! They like Doctor Who, and Buffy, and this show I hadn't seen called Supernatural. Eventually, knowing that a couple of my friends really liked it, I decided to give it a go.

This was simultaneously the best and worst decision I've made in a long time.

You see, I love it. The story, the characters, the actors... but Tumblr doesn't leave it at that, oh no. It nourishes obsessions. So after the more immediate pleasures in discovering a new show to enjoy, I started discovering a few of the more... niche... aspects of the 'fandom'.

I discovered the slash fic. And I like it. Some of it is very well written. And from there I discovered RPS, real-person slash, which is... contentious, is probably the word. I like that too. I would probably keep very quiet about the fact if I ever met any of the cast, but still, there it is.

I discovered the lurid past of Jensen Ackles, and some of his more questionable fashion choices.
You have to understand just how gorgeous these people are. The whole damn show is oestrogen bait; the conventions are the lady-heaviest nerdcons I've ever seen.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan, aka John Winchester (and the Comedian from Watchmen!)

Matt Cohen (@mattcohen4real), aka young John Winchester (and others*)

Jensen Ackles, aka Dean Winchester

Ackles' frackles

Jared Padalecki (@jarpad), aka Sam Winchester

Misha Collins (@mishacollins), aka Castiel (and others*)

No but seriously though, his face

Richard Speight Jr (@dicksp8jr), aka the Trickster (and others*)

Rob Benedict (@robbenedict), aka Chuck Shirley, aka Carver Edlund

Mark Pellegrino, aka Lucifer

Sebastian Roche (@sebroche), aka Balthazar

Jim Beaver (@jumblejim), aka Bobby Singer

Mark Sheppard (@mark_sheppard), aka Crowley, aka Badger from Firefly, aka  Canton Delaware from Doctor Who,  aka Romo Lampkin from Battlestar Gal- actually you know what I'm just going to leave this here, it would be quicker to list the things he hasn't been in

Also I think there are some female characters? Apparently. (Although not many. The fans don't seem to like 'em...)

One of the unexpected side-effects of watching all the Supernatural (ALL the Supernatural!) is that the phrases "blue-steeling like a motherfucker," "male modelling sons of bitches" and "sweet merciful Zeus" have all become permanent fixtures in my mind.

*Spoilers, sweetie!

RIGHT KITTY BUFFER and then no more fangirling and / or lusting after strangers.

In other news, my birthday celebrations (cue update guilt, it feels like quite a while ago) went very very well indeed! I got sent on a fantastic treasure hunt that involved deciphering clues and getting the next one from whichever friend it pointed me to. I got a treasure chest at the end of it full of Lush products, which was just about perfect! The charity shop scavenger hunt I 'planned' went brilliantly; we got fancy hats, snazzy ties, and ugly ornaments aplenty.

Oh yeah, the ugly ornaments... the front-runner was a pottery bear-house that contained three little abominations. I mean, that thing is UGLY. But we had a surprise winner when the creepy pierrot-ish clown ornament turned out to be a music box. It's the most sinister thing, if I can I'll take some video of it because that thing needs to be in your nightmares as well as mine.

We went back to my house with the loot and had a barbecue / party / social gathering that really made my day. By midnight, when I actually turned 24, we had eaten, drunk and been merry, and continued to do so until bedtime.


I will attempt to curb my Tumblr dependency and update this more often, because there's not a shred of doubt in my mind that this is the more worthwhile endeavour. Something something tallest dwarf.

Farmville

Look, it's not my fault ok?

I am suitably ashamed of myself.

Let me explain from the beginning.

I'm much more into twitter than facebook, so some trends just pass me by. Farmville was one of these. I was aware of its existence, and vaguely knew what it was - a rubbish, farming-related version of the Sims - but I had absolutely no interest in it. Rightly so. ('Scuse me, I need to collect the eggs.) But a couple of months ago, all that changed forever...

My friend Helen from university is great. She's fun, intelligent, and aside from a bizarre love for Twilight (more about that another time), she's got great taste; so when she and I went to the library to 'work' - i.e. check facebook and twitter respectively - I was intrigued by seeing her play Farmville.

The colours were so bright, and the simple pleasure of clicking on cartoonish shapes to make them do things appealed to me. It still does, in fact. It's the middle of winter; I'll take colour where I can get it. So, I gave it a go. Purely for research purposes, or so I told myself - I'd find out what all the fuss is about, then move on to worthier pastures. (Just a sec, I'm planting artichokes.) I made my own little farm, two squares by two. I planted and sowed and harvested, bought and sold and milked; eventually reaching the point where I could only progress by adding people as neighbours.

I looked at the list of my facebook friends with farms, and in that moment, some final shred of dignity flailed, coughed, and gave up entirely. I added them. That was weeks ago now, and my little farm is prospering with the help of people I haven't spoken to in years. My news feed is an endless list of my 'achievements', requests and demands, all automatically generated by the game. I can only imagine how annoying that must be! (Excuse me, I just need to go harvest my wheat.)

Some people might think that it's too time-absorbing, but I don't find that- (hang on, my cow needs milking.)

I don't think that it- (Ooh! My apple tree's ripe)

It's not- (Hold on while I fertilize someone's peppers)

(Wait -

The addiction

It's that time of night again when I know I should sleep, but I really, really don't want to.

I posted recently about my childhood insomnia. It's not a problem for me any more, I could get my head down now and be asleep within ten minutes, if it weren't for the fact that I keep waiting for something to happen. I feel like if I go to sleep I'll be missing out on something.

This is, of course, because of my internet addiction - a lot of the things I'm interested in run on American time - so I end up loitering on msn and going in little circles of email -> twitter -> google reader -> blog -> flickr -> email, ad nauseum.

Maybe it's time to take a week offline again... although this time I'm not sure I could do it. My real-world life is a lot less busy than it was last time.

Anywhoot! Hope you're all well, thanks for keeping my blog active - it makes me happy.

Interesting thing of the day: My birthday present from G's parents. So so so pretty!

Ten things

For some reason I've found it difficult to write about anything lately. I haven't seen any new films lately, or I'd attempt a lacklustre review, possibly with a few mediocre puns thrown in for good measure.

So anyway, as I said, not much in the way of inspiration happening here. I suppose this is a filler post. For my regular readers, here are ten unrelated things about me that you may not know. To those who don't know me, who are new readers, perhaps, here is my proof that I'm not just another cardboard cut-out person who sits on the bus with you.

1. The place I dream about most often is my home church. I've had flying dreams, naked dreams, exploring dreams, even a sexy dream once, located there. I think I probably dream about it roughly once a week.


2. My parents sent me a bear for my birthday. He arrived today and has a hot water bottle inside him, and I've named him Bode. I think the journey must have been stressful as he's shedding a fair bit - I never want to travel by envelope!
   


3. Back when I used to get insomnia as a kid, I'd try sleeping the other way round, on the floor, in my wardrobe, on top of my wardrobe, in the hall... anywhere. It never worked.
   


4. I want to redecorate this site to something a little less fey, but I've absolutely no idea where to get the layout. I got this one by butchering some code from one of those "OMGLOL pretty up your myspace, lyk totally hot!!!1" sites.


5. I have maybe sort of cyberstalked before. A bit. But it was all public information. But I'm still sorry. Although I would probably do it again. Well then people should stop being so damn INTERESTING then shouldn't they! Still, we're going out now so I suppose I must have done something right! Hahahaah!! I'm not crazy!!! Hahahaah!!!!


6. I used to get very homesick for places I'd never been. Heaven, Ankh-Morpork, a willow tree by a river. I don't any more. Any great thinker, writer, or comedian will tell you that as soon as you're happy with your life, something in your imagination goes dormant.


7. The first pet my family ever owned died right underneath my feet. He was a cat called Chloë and I loved him very much. He purred for the first person to get up every day, so our parents had to ban us from getting up before 6.


8. For years I thought someone I knew was skiving off school. He had six months off at one point just because every weekday morning he'd wake up with an indefinable headache that would disappear sometime after lunch. When he was diagnosed with depression I felt like utter shit, especially since part of me still didn't understand.


9. My greatest fear is that I will cease to be interesting or likeable, and everyone I know will desert me, and I'll be incapable of making any new friends. Every day I wonder if this has already started happening.


10. I could be an amazing poet. I know I could. Maybe I will be one day.

I'm not going to say it's a meme, but if any of you decide you'd like to write ten unrelated facts about yourself (and let's face it who doesn't love a bit of a vanity-wallow once in a while), drop me a comment or an email with a link - I'd love to read them.

This house will self-destruct in 3...

Every home has a few quirks. Doors that rattle, floorboards that creak, a mad woman locked in the attic; you know, the usual. Well, having been in my newly-renovated home for three weeks (gosh, is that all?), I'm starting to discover the little things that make this house unique.

One time in ten, turning on a light will blow the lighting circuit. The emergency lights go on, I go downstairs, get out the stepladder, go to the fusebox, flip the switch, reset the house alarm thing that beeps, put the stepladder away, and resume my activities.

Nine times out of ten, trying to use the tumbledryer will blow the appliances circuit which also blows the lighting circuit. For some reason this results in NO emergency lights. So I have to get out the stepladder in complete darkness, go to the fusebox, feel around for both switches and flip them, reset the house alarm thing that beeps, put the stepladder away, and resume my activities.

Yes, the house alarm thing, I think that warrants explanation. Basically, its job is to beep when something's wrong, despite the fact that we can tell something's wrong by the way the lights have all gone out / the dishwasher isn't working / we're all burning to death in a horrific inferno (delete as applicable). Still. Nice of it to let us know.

Beep.


Beep.


Beep.

And every time it does beep, I have to stab about in the darkness, hitting the loud waily siren button a couple of times, and a number of other buttons, before I find the reset button. Why does it HAVE a loud waily siren button?! And what are all those other buttons FOR, if not to make it harder finding the "Dear-God-please-stop-the-beeping" button?

All the other little quirks are fairly standard. A cold tap that doesn't turn. A shelf in Leon's room that fell off as soon as he put something on it. Ten square centimetres of kitchen storage for each of us. STILL no internet connection. But for all that, it's a lovely little place, and I'm settling in nicely.

In other news, I bought some amazing shoes that make me feel great and I only feel slightly guilty about that. They're not as expensive as I hope they look. As a new heels-wearer I haven't hobbled into town in them yet, but they seem pretty easy and comfortable as well as being diabolically sexiful. Hooray!

I've relapsed into my addiction, by the way. Boots Meal Deals. I start getting the shakes if I don't have one for a few days. The chicken fajita wraps... mmmm... I'd happily live off them! With the resulting Boots points (loyalty cards for the win), I hope to save up for a pencil or something.

Interesting Thing of the Day, courtesy of gavD: Lego in ruins. Awesome!

Shakespearian Shenanigans

I was tempted to write this post in iambic pentameter, but I thought I'd spare you that particular blessing. Lucky old you.

I just finished watching the latest episode of Doctor Who, one of my few televisual addictions, and I just wanted to (without any avoidable spoilers) let you guys know what I thought.

The iambic pentameter was well and appropriately used, which for a true-blue wannabe poet such as myself was just delicious!

And the Harry Potter references were very funny indeed. Can't wait to read book seven.

Do you guys watch it? What did you think?

Internet = OXYGEN

The reason I have been so infrequent with the updates lately is that my wireless connection has been truly fouled up lately. And yet still I updated! Now that's dedication!

Now, I don't want you to get all excited (Ok, you won't, you don't know who he is) but there is a remote possibility that Ben G might be reading this. I know. If this is in fact the case, I have but one thing to say:

UPDATE YOUR FRIKKIN' BLOG. Seriously man, if I read that opening line about the damn pickles one more time I'm going to.... do something bad!

(As an example of my writing style, I'll admit that the above isn't overwhelmingly descriptive. Well, tough.)

Hello, hello, I've missed you all!

Not boobs.

Well, a bunch of strangers requested that I blog about boobs, so...

No.

Ah, sorry, did I disappoint you? But don't worry, I'm going to blog about something BETTER than boobs. Seriously. No kidding. Here follows a list if such things.

1) Ice cream.
It's been so long since I had Ben and Jerry's (indisputably the best ice cream ever conceived by man). Cookies and cream, phish phood (sp?), and above all, Dublin mudslide... I love the Irish cream in that. Leading me to number two good thing...

2) Baileys.
The only alcoholic drink that I actually like. It tastes like happy!

3) Lost.
Yes, I am addicted, but tragically I am several episodes behind everyone else. Steven, if you read this, I AM MOST DISPLEASED. I needs the Lost.

4) Music.
Into Nina Simone at the moment, she is an absolute legend!

5) Being funny.
I LOVE being funny. I don't know how often it happens, but when it does, it makes me feel good that I can make people laugh... sadly, I don't think I've found a medium that communicates my particular sense of humour. Video certainly doesn't. (Oh, on that note, I may not be making many more YouTube vids, and almost certainly no vlogs.) Writing? Well, I seriously hope I can be funny. Let me know.

6) Poetry. VASTLY better then breasts. I mean seriously, have you read the Raven? Sheer genius. I also recommend blue peace incantation, Salome and "Hole in the floor". Plus, of course, anything I've written. ;) (re-plugs http://creativesplurges.blogspot.com/)

7) Sunshine.
Not only a beautiful thing, which makes people happy (and tanned), but also the source of all life (indirectly, of course). And, to top it all, you can call people it and it makes them smile, so they actually become a little more sunshiney. Which is really rather special.




______________

LINKS to the poems I recommended

The Raven
Blue Peace Incantation
Salome (about 3/4 of the way down)
Hole In The Floor

Internet withdrawal.

This picture (---->) is in honour of Boh3m3. If you don't know, you probably don't need to!

I made it one whole week without an internet connection. Voluntarily. Iiiii Know!

Well, y'see, I've been spending far too long online. So I took a week off to see how much spare time it frees up. Turns out, the answer is: a lot!

It was bad, though. A few times I even woke up thinking I'd failed my task, only to realise that it had been a dream... that's just a little bit tragic...

But internet addiction is more common than you might think. Just look at YouTube (which I've returned to willingly and lovingly after this heartbreaking absence). I'd say there are probably hundreds of people on there who couldn't cope without a daily fix, no exaggeration. And I'm one of them apparently, even if I do have some self-control.

It took a lot of discipline, but I made it, and I'm back and grooving.

I bought the second Scissor Sisters album the other day, Ta-Dah. I had really high expectations given how much I loved their first one, but I have to say, it has exceeded my expectations. It's awesome! Truly spectacular, these guys just keep getting better. I think my favourite track at the moment is I Can't Decide; the best in cheesy psychotic pop songs. Although Land of a Thousand Words (their latest single) is excellent too. But then, once again, so is every song on the album... oh, and Intermission is absolutely classic.

Hello again, blog...

Yes, I know I've been neglecting you. Yes, I know, I'm sorry. Well I'm back now.

It's just that I've been busy, you know? What with work, friends, family, and an insane YouTube addiction that's severely crippling my free time.

Anyway. It's good to be back. Maybe I can actually become a regular blogger! ... Heheh, right...

I should be asleep. I told myself I'd be sensible tonight, try and get to sleep before midnight, but noooo again the YouTube steals my time and it's already coming up to 1am. Dagnabbit.

The main reason that I'm doing this is because I've now linked to this blog from my website, which would be kind of pointless if I'd abandoned it completely. Mind you, my website isn't actually finished yet, and probably won't be until they find a way to eliminate the need for sleep completely.

At any rate, hello dear reader. I missed you. (Not Dear Reader as in the hypothetical reader, but Dear Reader as in my only actual reader, Les. Assuming he still reads this.)