"I'm so useless", a rant.

I don't try things properly because I'm scared of failing. I've tried to learn so many instruments over the years, but I give up before I can have the chance to fail or succeed. I've never really worked hard to become good at anything.

Hmm, let's see. Over the years, I've tried to learn:
Guitar
Glockenspiel
Ocarina
Harmonica
Penny whistle
Magic tricks
Juggling
Poi
Piano
Fire staff
Painting
Drawing
Writing
Beatboxing

And the only ones I've achieved anything vaguely resembling success in are drawing and writing.

I'm basically not willing to put in the practise. I'm put to shame by the people who've got years of experience with their instrument, people who've got a real passion and commitment to something.

I'm not feeling very passionate and committed to much at the moment. Blargh. You caught me mid emo-moment, I do apologise.

Revolutionary musings

I promise, this is going to be my last health-related post for a little while.

I've been to the doc's and apparently it was just a simple infection, or tonsillitis, or the 'kissing disease' or something. But basically I survived, and unless it keeps happening there's nothing to worry about! Lovely.

In addition to which, I'm the right weight for my height, my blood pressure's fine, and I don't have diabetes. Good for me! (Although perhaps I shouldn't be pigging out on peanut m&m's in celebration? Never mind.)

I've been talking to a friend about politics, and changing the world, and homelessness and everything. I want to change the world. I believe it can be done. Furthermore, I believe it SHOULD be done, since I'm one of the few with the power and the inclination to kick up a fuss. But where do I start? Do I just donate £2 a month to the good cause of my choice? Do I turn up at marches and protest everything going?

I'm still finding my way, but don't let me use that as an excuse. I should be starting NOW.

University and the like

I feel better! And my laptop is working! And university seems ok! And the library here has half a million books which is enough to form L-space! And I'm listening to a track called Sweet Charity by Mr Bungle and generally feeling rather awesome.

Did you know, if you hardly eat for almost a week, it really wrecks up your body? Over the past few days, in addition to a painful throat, I've had the muscles in my legs burning with lactic acid, and my tongue actually turned black after a glass of red wine (I kid you not, that is NOT ok with me)! Still, I appear to be 100% better now, thank God. Sorry to bore you all with my health, I realise it loses some of the fascination when you're not undergoing it personally!

I went to a poetry reading the other day, it was very enjoyable. I love poetry, and poetry readings are pseudo-intellectual enough to flatter me into feeling cultured. So that was nice. I came out of it feeling very fired up about how much I'm going to improve throughout university, and thinking "I could so do that!"

Now I'm listening to a song about a cartoon stuffed otter called Philippe. And that is one reason why my boy rocks. Another is that I just spent almost an hour with him on the phone. Hooray!

Love to you all :) x x

The Pain, the Pain...

So basically, my throat is swollen or something, and it's very painful indeed to swallow. So I'm not eating or drinking properly. This has been the case for about 5 days now. My leg muscles are cramping, I think that's because of the whole not eating thing... it's not good, really. I'm going to be meeting everyone on my course at uni today, and I can barely talk.

I realise this has been a very whingey post, but... feel sorry for me!

I've got a doctor's appointment for Friday, luckily, so I've just got to sit it out.

Pathetic Excuses

I'M HERE I'M HERE!! Sorry sorry sorry! But I was in Cardiff! Then packing for university! Now I'm at university! And ill and miserable and terrified and starting tomorrow! And I got abducted by aliens and had to save the world as we know it from...

Orrrr maybe I'm making some of that up.

But yes, Cardiff! have to tell you, never in my life have I had a moment so entirely special as being blind-fed a surprise breakfast in bed of... Ben and Jerry's. Drool. Does my boy know me or what! But it's okay because we were super-healthy for the whole rest of the 5 days I was there. But yes, Ben and Jerry's, watching South Park, and other such awesome things... quite possibly the most wonderful morning I've had, ever, EVER. I love you honey.

I met more people up there, which was wonderful, and we had a proper grown-up style dinner party on the last evening! Iiiiii know! And I almost, almost beat him at a combat game. Went right down to the decider. I was kicking ASS to start with, but the element of surprise can't last forever!

So, despite the fury and panic of starting university, and despite the sheer UNFAIRNESS of getting ill JUST BEFORE freshers' fortnight (I'm in constant pain, it's not ideal), I'm making it through by remembering happier times.

Well, wish me luck for tomorrow, and please pray that I get better. Pain makes me very grouchy which is A Bad Thing for first impressions.

I shall try to be less almost weekly, FBL my dear! Apologies!

52

I've been agonising over finding accommodation for university for a while, so it was blissfully relieving to find the right place first try. I have a place to live! Brilliant! I am (I know) a very, very lucky girl.

I'm not superstitious about the number 52, my subconscious just always seems to pick it out of a lineup. I'm always noticing it on license plates, house numbers and so forth. On the train up to Cardiff, I sat in a random seat and later noticed it was number 52. My brain really needs to stop doing that!

It would be silly to claim that my life is ruled by coincidence. But it is interesting that, on my first day in Cardiff, I bumped into Dave. A few of you will know Dave; he's doing a gap year in Wales and just happened to be passing through the park while I was out with my boy. So that was nice, and I had hugs!

So, life continues strange but wonderful, long may the slightly baffling magic continue! More detail to come no doubt.

Starving myself

It's autumn, can you believe it... autumn already... on the plus side, the weather today was gorgeous so I'm harbouring hopeful delusions that summer was just delayed.

That's the sort of thing you can see happening though, isn't it? "An administrative problem has led to the Summer of 2007 being delayed by 3 months. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause." Fingers crossed.

Been a funny couple of days... I'm officially blonde now, not to mention the proud (and shocked) owner of a miniskirt, so there's some quite radical self-image-adjustment happening in this little mind of mine.

My little sister is having her first day at High School tomorrow... she's really nervous about it so I'm walking her in. My brother had his first day at college today, and I'm going to university soon... it's all change!

Oh man... I'm not very happy. I haven't prayed or read my bible in I don't know how long, and it's really affecting me. I spend about 50% of my life in this state, not doing nearly enough to keep myself spiritually healthy. Jesus said "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God"; and that's more than just a passing thought, it's an important truth. I've been starving myself, evidently. (So that's what the sensationalist post title was about, sorry!)

And on top of starving myself spiritually, I've been living off junk food because that's all that's in the house, so I'm generally feeling rather low.

Interesting thing of the day (and heaven knows you need one after reading my miserable moanings): A rad and random game!

Romance and mystery

I have a red rose and chocolates. If that's not stereotypical material love I don't know what is! I was incapable of sustaining conversation for ten minutes, and of finishing a sentence for five. It's perfect, absolutely beautiful, and easily the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me. <3

Some of you may remember that in the summer of '06 I became absolutely obsessed with an Alternate Reality Game known as the Lost Experience. Like, full-on obsessed. Even just now when my mum asked me what happened to Rachel Blake, I launched a full-on rant about how nobody knows, and Hanso is everywhere, and so forth. It blurred the lines between fiction and reality which was BRILLIANT. I was properly distraught when I found out there would be no sequel, it was completely inconclusive.

BUT.

All is not lost, if you'll pardon the pun; J. J. Abrams has a new project in the works, but nobody knows what... I've diving down the rabbit hole as we speak. If I don't make it back, just know that... I love you...

iBalls

Following the success of the iPhone and iPod, and on hearing that there may be an iCar in the works, I thought I'd brainstorm a few ideas for Apple's next project. You can thank me later, Steve.

The iBall - an eye transplant that can display your email on your eye - blink activated. Comes with thermal imaging display option. Plays music.

iKnow - brain implant with access to Google, Wikipedia, and a live news feed. Guaranteed pub quiz winner. Plays music.

iDo - a stylish white wedding ring with a small "diamond" display screen. Can be used to store important events in the calender, such as making dinner, ironing shirts, putting up shelves etc. Also available in pink and blue. Plays music.

And finally, the new iWant. Not sure what it does, but it's gonna be the next big thing and number one on every Christmas wishlist. Has lots of buttons. Plays music.

Oh, and Interesting Thing of the Day: Make your own superhero!

Evil Genius

I have had a revelation. Evil Geniuses, your generic bad-guy-bosses, are being paid by the hour. That's why they seem so colossally stupid! That's why:
They take so long to capture the hero, and once they do
They like to explain their plan first
They put them in a prolonged and easily-escapable situation
They mess around with exposition.

Can you imagine what would happen if they were paid for results? They'd shoot the hero straight away. Films would never make it past ten minutes long, and the entire movie culture would die. This is why I have decided that they're being paid by none other than Hollywood studio executives.

Suddenly it all falls into place...

Interesting thing of the day: A set-up worthy of the Evillest of Geniuses.