Every journey starts with a single blog post about how you intend to take a step

Few things are as painful as the horrible realisation of your true self. All the little personality flaws, all the foibles that your closest friends and family know only too well (and like you too much to point out). In fact the only thing I can think of right now that is MORE horrible than that, is when you have to do something about it.

So here, in the privacy of my own public blog, I've decided to confess to a few of my faults with the express intention of weeding them out of my personality.

ONE.
If there is no drama in my life, I will create some. I'm nowhere near as bad as I used to be, with my weekly breakdowns at Soul Cafe where people would need to reassure me about all aspects of my body and personality, but I'm still pretty bad. Take Gavin for example. Occasionally - up to and including this weekend - I'll continue crying at him because it takes a lot more effort to calm down and be rational about things. This is clearly unacceptable.

TWO.
When I say I'll do something, I mean I may or may not and it certainly won't be soon. Despite my many layers of organisation - both an online and physical diary, phone reminders, www.rememberthemilk.com etc. - I still find ways of postponing pretty much everything. This comes down to poor time management; something that I will have to keep very tightly in check when university starts again. If it starts again. Oh God.

THREE.
I must, must, MUST work myself back into sensible sleeping habits. I've seen the wrong side of dawn far too many times in the past week, now being a prime example. If I am to have any hope of catching a worm, ever, I must stop relying on the blackout blind to provide me with an artificial night.

So! You may all bear witness to this pledge to better myself. I shall start tomorrow with a reasonable rising time (i.e. actually in the morning), a healthy breakfast, and a tidying spree.

Why can't I improve myself in a montage? Montages are easy. Rocky got a damn montage.

"I'm so useless", a rant.

I don't try things properly because I'm scared of failing. I've tried to learn so many instruments over the years, but I give up before I can have the chance to fail or succeed. I've never really worked hard to become good at anything.

Hmm, let's see. Over the years, I've tried to learn:
Guitar
Glockenspiel
Ocarina
Harmonica
Penny whistle
Magic tricks
Juggling
Poi
Piano
Fire staff
Painting
Drawing
Writing
Beatboxing

And the only ones I've achieved anything vaguely resembling success in are drawing and writing.

I'm basically not willing to put in the practise. I'm put to shame by the people who've got years of experience with their instrument, people who've got a real passion and commitment to something.

I'm not feeling very passionate and committed to much at the moment. Blargh. You caught me mid emo-moment, I do apologise.