Repentance

You know what? Repentance hurts. My tears last night were tears of pure grief at the things I've done and the way I've been, and it was like wringing out my heart. I'm a sinner. An unpopular word, perhaps, but that's what I am and I realised that anew last night. I was sobbing the words I'm sorry, over and over, but words didn't do it justice. I was grieving the things I'd done to sully the Holy Spirit. Something so pure and beautiful that should lift me up to better things, and I've trodden it in the dirt time and time again.

Gavin told me he felt I should call my sister Judi, so I did, despite the fact that I assumed she'd be asleep. So I said no. Gav said "I really feel like you should call her." So I did; no answer. "Try again." I did, and she picked up, and she said all the right things... she hadn't been able to sleep so I hadn't woken her. She said the right things, encouraged me, and gave me good advice. I thank God for people in my life like Gavin and Judith who are, thank God, there when I need them.

And today... this appeared in ASBO Jesus:

I thought mine had, but last night my tears made it burn brighter.